Sweet Child O' Mine
by QueenBee03
Summary: In the event of our untimely death, we, the parents of Emerson Grace Northington declare that she shall go to her godparents Anastasia Rose Steele and Christian Trevelyan Grey. Based on the movie "Life As We Know It"
1. Emerson Grace Northington

**A/N: I don't own the rights to the movie Life As We Know It (Obvi). I just thought it was a cute concept and wanted to do my take on it ;) Let me know what you think!**

FALL: APOV

 _There are moments in your life you never forget. Your first kiss, maybe scoring the winning goal in your soccer game or the first time you see something that truly takes your breath away. One of mine was seeing the Trevi Fountain, one of the most beautiful things I've ever seen in my entire life. I stepped off the plane that brought me to Italy and didn't even check in to my hotel before I was beelining for the fountain I had been dreaming about seeing. Blame movies, books, everything that said throwing a penny into that fountain was some sort of magic. I closed my eyes, turned around and threw the penny over my left shoulder wishing for… well I don't even remember what I wished for. Probably life-changing pizza that I knew was just around the corner. Or maybe the moment you walk across the stage and they hand you that rolled up piece of paper that says "Congratulations! You're a graduate!" I've done that three times now. High school, college, grad school. And each one was more memorable than the last. When I graduated from business school early last year, my best friend was nine months pregnant at the time. I was walking up the stairs ready to walk across the stage when my phone began to vibrate in my dress pocket. At the time I ignored it, assuming it was one of my parents, or maybe my best friend, Allison in the audience. Once I was off the stage, I checked my messages and before I knew it I was sprinting. Sprinting in my brand new four inch Givenchy heels towards my best friend clutching my phone with the words "I'm in labor" still blaring on the screen. That's definitely a moment I will never forget. The moment that all seven pounds eight ounces of Emerson Grace Northington came into the world. Emma, my beautiful goddaughter. I had a connection with her the moment I saw her. Her piercing blue eyes mirrored mine. Allison's eyes were blue but nothing as soul-shattering as her daughters. I hadn't cried in months but the tears slid down my cheeks in buckets as I held Emma for the first time. I haven't cried since that day almost fifteen months ago. Not till today, another moment in my life that I'll never forget._

I'm sprinting, yet again through a familiar parking lot this time in sneakers, leggings and my Harvard hoodie. My hair pulled in a messy bun, my face completely void of makeup having just gotten ready for bed when I got the call. It was eleven o'clock and far past my weekday bedtime when an unknown number flashed across my screen. _There'd been an accident… get here... Child not in the car… Next of kin…_ The words were playing in my head on a loop. I don't even know everything that was said, I was completely numb. I was shocked, confused but utterly and completely devastated. As soon as I got there, I was immediately pulled into a small room with a police officer and an emergency room doctor. They sat me down, handed me a glass of water and proceeded to tell me what I already knew. There had been an accident. My friends. My best friend, my sister, perhaps my favorite human in the world was dead. I can barely hear them through my own sobs as they explain that Allison and her husband Michael were involved in a fatal car accident.

"The car… you said it flipped a few times…" I stutter out. I sniffle and dab at my eyes for the millionth time.

"Yes ma'am" the officer says. "I am very sorry for your loss. You were listed as their emergency contact. He looks down at his paper. "You and a Christian Grey"

My brain is still spinning and reeling that it doesn't even react to hearing that bastard's name. "Did- did you call him? Is he here?" _He's far from my favorite person, but I need him here. I need someone here. I don't even know how I'm holding myself upright._

"Yes ma'am, he is on his way. I believe he said something about work. I heard a lot of yelling in the background"

"He- he does something with- sports" I stutter out. "Producer.. Director… something." I sit down before looking up again. "You said Emma… their daughter… she is with a sitter?"

"Yes, child protective services has already picked her up and-"

"They're bringing her here, right? She should be here. With me." I put my hand over my mouth as I feel it tremble. _My little pumpkin is… an orphan._ My heart constricts thinking about how I not only lost my best friend but how my goddaughter lost her mother.

"She has already been placed in the care of a temporary foster-"

"What!? No no no no" I say falling over my words. "I need to see her… she needs me and-" I feel myself getting worked up again.

"Until we know the next step, she is under the care of the state as orphaned children are."

"Fuck that!" I hear the words thundering through the room and while I usually find his barking orders and his overall usual attitude ridiculous I need someone that I know will be on my side.

"Excuse me- Christian is it?" the officer says. There's a brief thought that goes through my mind that they'll take Christian to jail. _Can you go to jail for saying fuck to a cop?_

He moves towards me and stands next to me. "Bring my goddaughter to us. NOW"

"Tomorrow you can contact child protective services and go from there. For now, there is nothing we can do. Again.. I am sorry" he says before he slips out of the room leaving Christian and I alone.

I am shaking like a leaf as I stand slowly. "Chris- Chri- Alli and Mike" I start to sob when I feel one hand stroking my back and one hand bringing me towards a broad chest.

"I know, Steele. Fuck… I know" I feel his head and I think his chin is resting on my head. "This is... " he blows out a breath. "I can't believe this"

"It hurts…I feel like my heart is actually breaking inside of me" I say trying to convey the pain I'm feeling in this moment. It makes me wonder if it will ever cease. I pull back a little to look at him. "I want to call CPS anyway. There has to be something we can do. I don't want Emma with strangers. She should be with us"

"I agree" he says and I notice that his eyes are red and glossy as well and I wonder if the moment I was in his arms he shed a tear for our friends too. We are outside of the hospital when I call the number that the officer provided and put it on speakerphone immediately. The call was less than productive and ended with Christian calling the man on the phone an incompetent, lazy secretary. I sigh as I end the call before pinching the bridge of my nose.

"So you don't save your charms for just me then? You're this much of a dick to everyone?"

"Everyone that deserves it! He was completely useless, Steele, you know it"

 _Christian is the only person that ever calls me Steele. I can think of only one time when he's called me Ana. The first time I met him, five years ago when Alli and Michael first started dating. Alli and I had just graduated from college, where we had met and we were living together in an apartment in Seattle. When Alli met Michael, I knew it was the real thing. The way she talked about him, the way she looked at him… she was in love and unashamed to admit how quickly it all happened. Within two years they were married. And now_ … I shake my head ridding the thoughts of this current unbelievably terrible situation. _But before all of that, about two months into their relationship, I went out with Alli and Michael and Michael's best friend- one Christian Grey. Ass. He was rude and pompous and just assumed I would be like the slew of girls that drop to their knees and pray that he lets them suck his dick. No way. He got drunk, hit on our waitress and then proceeded to leave early because "Thursday night wouldn't be available for… Thursday night." Evidently some women don't even have names. Just a day of the week for which they spread their legs. Classy. He called me Ana that night but once he learned my last name he decided that was much better. That Ana was a boring name. "A boring name for a boring girl", he teased. I was anything but boring if he bothered to even ask anything about me that night. He realized weeks later that although I am somewhat of a neurotic woman that owns her own bakery, I do have my fair share of fun. But at that point he had already decided to call me Steele. I have a very work hard, play hard attitude but maybe I did work too hard and it probably showed. Weekends however, were when I turned off my phone and let completely loose. So when we met on a Wednesday after I'd had the day from hell and wanted to be in bed by nine and not out at some stupid nightclub, he had labeled me a career obsessed, boring future spinster that is married to her job. I chalked it up to a shitty date and just prayed it would be the last I heard from him. But things got serious between Alli and Michael and before I knew it there were birthdays and holidays and Christian and I walking down the aisle together as best man and maid of honor._

We are walking through the garage towards my car when I stop him. "Do you think you can come over?" I say weakly. I feel if every bit of energy has literally been taken from my body; I wonder if I'll even make it home. "I just… don't want to be alone right now" I feel the tears welling up in my eyes again. I look up into his eyes and I see a look pass over his face that I don't recognize before he nods.

"I'll meet you at your place"

"Okay" I say. "Be… safe" I say nodding at his helmet that he has tucked under his arm. He nods back and then I'm in my car- a brand new white Range Rover that I got last month as the bakery has finally gotten onto stable ground. I rest my forehead on the steering wheel and take a deep breath to prepare myself for the twenty five minute drive back to my apartment. I turn on some music desperate for anything with a beat. I settle on my favorite oldies Pandora station and take off. I pull into my garage and already see Christian's bike in my assigned visitor space. I move through the lobby and see him sitting on the couch his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. We make it to my apartment with no words exchanged between us the magnitude of what's happened rendering us speechless. I collapse to the couch the second I make it inside and look up at him. "Help yourself to whatever. I-" I start when I see him move towards my kitchen and start looking around.

"God you're a chick. You got anything stronger than this" he says pulling out a bottle of Chardonnay.

"There's vodka in the freezer"

"Anything else?"

"Christian you know there's a bar there" I say pointing at my armoire where I store all of my things needed for drinks.

"Oh right…" he says. "I forgot it was you that has this badass collection. Always forget you're a bonafide party girl underneath those grandma skirts."

"Grandma skirts? Christian it's a pencil skirt. And I'm sorry that I don't wear my skirts around my see you next Tuesday like your lovely ladies" I say narrowing my eyes at him.

"Your…?"

"See. you. next. Tuesday" I say spelling the word out in the air with my index finger.

"Your cunt?"

I roll my eyes. "Fuck you"

"So you can say fuck but you can't say cunt?"

"Can you stop saying it please!" I yell as he opens a bottle of whiskey and pours himself a healthy glass. He moves toward me and sits down beside me.

"Fuck" he says. "This is…" he rubs his face and turns to look at me. "What is going to happen to Em?"

"Family I guess"

"Whose?" He says staring at me. He holds up four fingers I assume to indicate what would be four grandparent options. "So Michael's parents are out as Michael never knew his mother and his father died two years ago. Alli's mother is a _raging_ alcoholic. Functional yes, but who knows for how long and I'm fairly certain CPS won't think that she is the best fit and her father is… old! Like too old to be raising any infants"

I blow out a breath. "There has to be someone else that would be good for her"

"Neither of them had a ton of family, Steele you know that. All they had was each other. They were each other's family. They were each other's worlds"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I was up half the night tossing and turning. Every time I tried to close my eyes, I saw my best friend. _The first time I met her when we were moving in freshman year, when we graduated, when she picked me up off the kitchen floor after my boyfriend of three years broke my heart, when she was in labor. Labor. Baby. Emma. Orphan. What's going to happen to her? Will she go to a foster family? She can't! Does that mean I'll never see her again? Will they want her to have no part of her old life?_ The thoughts hurt my heart and I feel like I haven't slept a wink when my alarm goes off. I move towards the living room and find Christian sitting up on my couch.

"Hey"

He doesn't look up from his phone. "Morning" he grumbles.

"I hope the couch wasn't too uncomfortable"

"Certainly wasn't my bed at home"

I swallow before nodding my head. "Sorry I-"

"Coffee" he says successfully cutting me off.

 _I'm used to the usual back and forth but I'm not really up for it right now, given the circumstances that has him in my goddamn apartment in the first place_. "There's a Starbucks around the corner" _So much for no back and forth, Ana._

He snorts. "Fine." He grabs his keys putting his leather jacket on. "I'll meet you at CPS in an hour"

I look at the coffee maker and then back at him. _I should have just said I would make him the fucking coffee. Now he's leaving and I don't know if I'm prepared to be alone right now. Having him here last night was a tiny bit of comfort and I worry how I'll feel once he leaves and I'm completely alone. I could ask him to stay? No.. he's made it clear since he woke up that this was an inconvenience to him._ "I was going to make you some coffee, dick"

"Don't sweat it. I'll see you later, Steele" he says as he reaches for the door.

"Wait" I say stopping him in my doorway. He turns to look at me giving me a look that screams _what else could you possibly want?_ "Thank you for staying" He nods once and without another glance the door closes leaving me alone with my thoughts in my empty apartment.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We are sitting in an office in the Child Protective Services building in front of a caseworker. She's a bit on the older side and she hasn't looked at us once since we sat down. "Case 54239 deceased parents of fifteen month old Emerson Grace Northington-"

"Emma" I interrupt her the tears forming in my eyes just saying her name. "She's not just a number in the system"

She looks at me over her glasses and sighs. "Emma. Next of kin still being evaluated" she closes the file and looks at us. "Anastasia Steele and Christian Grey"

I nod my head. "Yes that's us"

"Okay you both need to sign here"

I pick up the pen when Christian puts his hand over the paper preventing my pen from making contact with the paper. "Sign for what? To see our fucking goddaughter? Get the fuck out of here"

"Christian stop saying fuck" I say quietly.

"Fuck" he mouths at me and I huff.

The woman points her pen at him and I think it's meant to be a warning. "It's not just to see her, it's for the release."

"Release?" I ask. Things haven't exactly clicked as I see a door open and in walks a strange man holding Emma. I'm immediately on my feet moving towards them. As soon as she sees me her arms shoot out and I pull her into my arms. "Emma! Hi pumpkin" I say kissing her forehead. The tears spring to my eyes immediately when I feel Christian next to me. I kiss her again before handing her to Christian. _As much as Christian has always pissed me off there's no denying how wonderful he is with Emma. He adores her and the feeling is very mutual._ I watch for a second as he cradles her close to his chest and places a kiss on her forehead. She puts a hand on his cheek and he pretends to bite it causing her to giggle and I smile for the first time in fourteen hours. I sit back in the chair and Christian follows suit in the adjacent chair although he's not paying attention to anything but Emma.

"So you said something about a release…?"

"Yes, the Northington's lawyer faxed over the paperwork regarding Emerson late last night."

"Okay…?" I say unsure of where exactly this is going.

The caseworker blinks her eyes a few times at us and then reopens the file. "In the event of our untimely death, we Allison Caroline Northington and Michael Charles Northington in sound mind declare that our daughter Emerson Grace Northington shall go to her godparents Anastasia Rose Steele and Christian Trevelyan Grey."

Christian and I both shoot to our feet, Christian slower than I do given that he's holding Emma. "WHAT!?" We shriek.

"I take it from your reaction that this was not discussed with you first?"

I look at Christian with wide eyes as he looks back at me. We shake our heads and then look at the caseworker. "No. We- I- There has to be some mistake. We aren't…" I look at Christian. "We aren't together!"

"She wishes" he says smugly and I shoot him a glare.

"Alli and Michael… they… what?!" I say unable to form a coherent sentence.

"It says so clearly right here. There's also some other things in here. Really their lawyer should be discussing all of this with you but since you're here I'll give you the rest as it pertains to Emerson." She hands me a piece of paper that declares that not only are we the guardians of Emma, they left us their house for us to live in while we raise Emma. _THE FUCK?_

"They want us to live… in their house… together? That can't be right?"

"It does not say that" Christian barks. "You have to be reading it wrong. Give me that"

"I know how to read Christian" I bark back. Christian starts to read the paper all while Emma is trying to grab it. She eventually gives up and proceeds to try and eat Christian's cheek leaving a slobbery kiss in it's wake.

He chuckles before pulling her away from his cheek. "Stop distracting me, munchkin. I'm trying to read" He presses a kiss to her cheek.

"The state will pay for the mortgage on the house so long as Emma is under your care until the six month period is over in which case you will need to decide if you will be proceeding with adoption."

"A-adoption? Like.. she'd be… ours?" I say looking at Christian and then back to the caseworker. _Christian… the father of… my child? Goddddd, why do you hate me so much?_

"That is usually how adoption works" she says looking at us again from over her glasses.

The room is silent with the exception of Emma's gurgles and I shake my head wondering how in fifteen hours I became responsible for another human life. _I can barely take care of myself sometimes. Can I do this? At this point there really isn't a choice. Emma can't be with people that… don't know her. That didn't know her parents…._ "There's no one else?"

"If you do choose to relinquish responsibility, she will be placed in a foster care until other arrangements can be made. Whether that be someone inside of Emerson's family or an outsider."

"No.. no.. that can't happen. Not to Emma."

"You said in six months we can re-evaluate" Christian says finally breaking his silence. _I was beginning to think he had turned into a mute. I had never known him to be quiet. Ever._

"And what Christian, we give her back?" I say narrowing my eyes at him. "If we walk out that door with her, I don't intend to ever walk back through it."

"Oh so you're ready to raise a child? For the next eighteen years? Really?"

"It doesn't have to be six months" the caseworker interrupts. "We understand that this is a lot to take in on top of losing your friends. Especially since it seems that you've been blind sighted by this piece of information. You are probably unable to even process this. Emma is still very young. If you chose not to take this on, it would have very little if any lasting effect on her. We find children this age adjust well to a new family"

"No! No…" I pick the pen up and scribble my name across the line intended for me. "No" I say slamming it down. "In or out, Grey" I say.

He looks at me and then down at Emma and I know he's as scared as I am but I also know he loves Emma. _More than anything. He may not be able to stand me and is less than thrilled about staying in the same house, but he would do anything in the world for Emma._ I feel a tear slip down my face as I see him sign his name next to mine sealing our fates. _Well at least the next eighteen years. It may not be official yet. But Emma was ours._

The next hour is spent going over how the next several months would go, how our mortgage would be taken care of and getting the information on our official caseworker that would be making random visits. I'm so numb that I don't even notice that Emma who is back in my arms has been gnawing on my hair for the last few minutes. I feel someone pulling it back for me and I look over to see Christian rubbing Emma's head. He gives me a small smile before it's gone and he turns back to the paperwork. I feel like by the end we've signed our names in blood and we walk through the halls quietly towards the exit.

"So what- I'm supposed to just sell my fucking apartment and move in with you?"

"I'm not too keen at the idea of getting out of my lease either" I say rubbing my head. "I guess we could look into subletting. I can't even think about it right now" I say. We get to my car and all I can say is thank God that they had car seats because I was not prepared. I see Christian place it in my backseat and then look at me. "What?" I ask.

"You have to tie it in?" He says raising an eyebrow at me as if to say "duh"

"Why me?" I ask.

"I don't know how to" Christian shrugs before he runs a hand through his hair.

"And I do?" I look down at it and then back at him. "I think you just put it through this part here" I say referring to the underside. "Shit.. what if something happens…" I say.

"Just fucking move" he says moving me gently. He'd probably throw me across the garage if Emma weren't in my arms.

"Stop saying the F word so much, there are little ears around. You know Alli hated when you swore"

He shoots a look at me and then back to the car seat. About 20 minutes later, we think we have it all figured out. "Maybe you should ride with me" I say. "And then come back later for your bike"

"What the f-hell? You want me to leave it here?"

"I just… I'll feel better if you sat in the back with her. We don't know for sure you put this in correctly"

"It's in correct, Steele"

"Do you know for sure? What if someone hits me?"

"Oh my God" he says pinching the bridge of his nose. "You need to relax."

"Maybe I should call an Uber and leave my car and then I can ride in the back with her… but then what if the driver is a bad driver" I know I am rambling at this point when I see Christian walk away and get in the car slamming it closed.

"Get in, Steele" he growls.

I take a deep breath before climbing into my driver's seat. After a twenty minute drive, I'm at my best friend's house. A gorgeous, four bedroom Georgian style house. I've always loved this house and now it was… mine? None of this felt right. _I'm what… living Alli's life?_ I look up to the heaven's above and silently question. _Why did you leave me?_ Christian uses his spare key to let us in and we take a look around the house and all I can see everywhere are Alli and Michael. I set Emma down in a playpen that's in the living room and feel the beginnings of a panic attack coming on. I move to the kitchen for a glass of water when I feel his presence around me. "I have to get my bike" he says. "And go to my apartment and… get some shit I guess. When I get back you can go get what you need"

"You can borrow my car… if you want. I assume you can't transport much on a bike" I say not looking at him.

"Thanks but I'll just ask my brother to help." I smile thinking about his brother. _Elliott Grey- so unlike Christian. Funny and kind and warm. Nothing at all like his douchebag younger brother._

"Get the stars out of your eyes, he's dating some girl"

"Okay I don't have stars in my eyes, asshole. I just like your brother. Hard to believe you two grew up together. You're so different" _I know that Christian, Elliott and their sister Mia were all adopted by The Grey's but usually siblings act pretty similar when they grow up together… right? What do I know... I'm an only child. I've only met Elliott and Mia a handful of times but they were always very sweet._

"I'm going to call him to come get me. You think you'll be okay while I'm gone?" He asks and I wonder if he's asking because he's genuinely concerned or if he's just being a snarky asshole that thinks I'm incapable of taking care of Emma on my own.

I nod. "Yes I'll be fine."

"Great, because I have a game tonight"

I sigh. "Fine, I have to work tomorrow though"

"I can make that work"

"We should probably work out some kind of a schedule. Just to you know... keep everything straight?"

"Fine" he says before he leaves the room. I follow closely behind him to see him pick up Emma and sit on the couch with her. I lean up against the wall out of sight and hear him begin to speak to her.

"Hi Princess…" he says softly. "This whole situation sucks doesn't it. I'm really pissed at your father right now. You know that? But not at you, Em. No not at you" I hear him sigh and he's silent for a moment. "I love you more than anyone in the whole world, okay? And I'm not going to let anything happen to you. And Steele loves you too… even though she's a royal pain in my ass." I hear him kiss her forehead and I roll my eyes. _Stop swearing. And I'm a pain in YOUR ass?_ I think to myself. "We'll watch TV when I get back"

I hear her whine when I assume he sets her down so I walk into the room hoping he doesn't think I was eavesdropping on him showing his heart to someone. _Had no idea he had one in there._

"I just texted my brother to pick me up… I- I haven't even told him about Michael and Alli… or any of this"

I nod because I don't know what to say. How do we even begin to tell the people in our lives what's going on? _So my best friend died and… left me her life. She left me her daughter. Christian and I have barely discussed any of this with each other how do we go about telling everyone else?_ I change the subject. "I'll- make something… if you want to eat"

"I'll probably grab something with El"

I shrug. "Whatever"

"I'll be back in a few hours."

"Okay"

He looks at me and then at Emma and then he's gone. I hear the faint sound of the door locking before I drop to my knees feeling the impending panic attack coming at me at full force. _How am I going to do this? Be… someone's mother? Not Emma's godmother… where I pick her up for a few hours and then give her back to her actual mother. Those days are done. She needs me now and… I have to do this. For her. But… how!? And with Christian of all people? Alright breathe, Ana. Just get up off the floor._ I manage to pull myself to my feet after about five minutes and move towards Emma. I pick her up and I begin to think about how dramatically the course of my life has changed. _Yesterday morning, I woke up, I went to yoga, went to the bakery, bought a new dress for this concert I was supposed to go to Saturday. A concert that I'm no longer attending. Went to the grocery store. Came home. Tried a new recipe. Had some wine. Took a bath. And in a blink of an eye my world changed. And now… I share custody of my goddaughter… with Christian Grey. A man I can barely tolerate. Living in a house with said man. My life as I know it, is over._ I feel nothing but guilt for thinking this way as I look into the eyes of Emma as they begin to droop. I trace a finger over her tiny face and I feel the tears lodging in my throat when her tiny hand grips my finger as her sleepy eyes lock on mine.

"I love you so much Emma. I'm going to take care of you pumpkin, I promise" I sigh as I let the words of my promise wash over me and look up as if the answers to all of my questions are going to fall out of the sky. _Now what?_


	2. Adjustments

FALL: CPOV

"You haven't said a word since you got in the car. What's up, man? And why did you call me so frantic to come get you? Where is your bike?"

I feel the bile rising in my throat as I think about answering these questions Elliott is firing off at me. I swallow it down and begin to take deep breaths as I try to slow my accelerating heart rate. "Downtown. Off Snyder Street"

"What the fuck? What's it doing there?"

 _Shit. Definitely going to be sick._ "El stop the car"

"What?"

"STOP THE MOTHERFUCKING CAR" I yell. The car has barely slowed to a stop before I'm out of the car and puking all over the side of the road. _What the fuck, Mike. How can you die? And just leave me here. It was supposed to be you and me against the world… I was willing to lend you to Alli but even that came with regulations. You've been my best friend since we were six fucking years old! You were my only friend… when the other kids wouldn't talk to me…_ This trip down memory lane has me getting sick again. _What makes you think I can take care of Emma!? And with Steele!? I know you thought we would be good together but when are you going to get that it's just not going to happen?_

"What the fuck, you're just hungover? Or still drunk from last night or what?" I hear Elliott say from the car.

I shake my head no. "Neither." I say standing up upright and wiping my mouth with the back of my hand. I get back in his car and put my hand on the ignition to stop him from starting the car. _I need peace. I need quiet. I need to be still for a minute while I prepare to say the words out loud for the first time._ "Michael and Alli…" I start. "They… died last night" I somehow manage to get the words out.

"WHAT?!" Elliott yells and I feel my heart breaking all over again. "How.. why… when… where!?"

"Car accident" I say simply. _I can't even get into the details._

"Emma!?" He says immediately.

I gulp wondering how he's going to take this. "She's okay. She was with a babysitter. She wasn't in the car" I feel the tears well in my eyes and I am glad that I was able to keep it together around Steele because I feel like I'm seconds from losing it now.

"Shit." He puts a hand on my shoulder and I look up to see the tears in his eyes as well. "I'm so sorry, C. Fuck… why didn't you call me?"

"It all happened so fast. I got the call and when I got to the hospital, Steele was already there and she was borderline hysterical and then I crashed at her place and-"

"Wait… you stayed with her? Did you guys-"

"What!? No.."

"Grief and death… that brings people together" he crosses his arms looking at me. _My brother has it in his head that Steele and I were made for each other. I don't know how that's possible. We are at each other's throats most of the time. And no it's not one of those things where we fight because we are trying to hide our feelings. We fight because I find her a irritating as hell and she thinks I'm a cocky son of a bitch. And now I have to raise a child with her. Great._

"No.. no fuck no… will you just let that shit go"

"I don't know why you're denying that you want her. You're so hot for her it's unreal"

"Fuck off Elliott. Now is really not the time"

"You're right. It's not. We will circle back to that later. Where is Emma now?"

"With Steele at Michael and Alli's"

"Oh good, she's with Ana. So what's going to happen to her?"

"Well… that's why my bike is still downtown. It's at CPS"

"C-P-S?"

"Child Protective Services"

"Oh" he nods. "So you got Emma from there?"

I nod back. "Yeah… Michael and Alli…" I look up at the sky flashing it my middle finger. "They left Emma to me and Ana" _It feels weird to say her name. I haven't called her it in years but I just don't have the energy to put in my usual snark when I say her name._

"You're shittin me"

"They had essentially no close family. Alli and Michael were both only children. Hell I was the closest thing Michael had to a brother. You know Michael's parents aren't here and Alli's parents are less than desirable candidates. It's basically us, or distant relatives that maybe haven't seen Emma since she was born. Or… she goes into the system"

"Jesus" Elliott says rubbing his face. "So… you're going to do it…? Adopt her?"

"What choice do I have?" I say and he narrows his eyes at me.

"That's not the right attitude to have, dude. We are adopted… you can't just… you have to be all in… like mom and dad. You have to want it. This is a big deal. This is a child."

"Mom and Dad were ready for children, they were prepared. We didn't fall into their lap one night out of nowhere! I am sorry I'm not jumping for joy to play house with someone I can barely stand and raise a child for the next eighteen years. I have a life. A badass life that doesn't include diapers and shit and staying up all night and… oh living in their house! I would do anything in the world for Emma but I'm allowed to be less than thrilled with the situation that led to this. I didn't expect any of this… I don't know if I'm ready.. for this _life_."

"I get that. And wait what do you mean live in their house?"

"They want us to live in their house. They left us their house" I repeat.

"Okay well no one expects you to do that, you and Ana can co-parent without being under the same roof."

"Until the adoption is final, the state is paying for the house. And it's supposed to help with normalcy, I don't know" I groan. "I mean I wouldn't mind saving the money for the next six months not that I'm strapped for cash. But just… Ana… and me under the same roof? What did I do in my past life to deserve the torture?"

"Okay dramatics aside please." He's silent for a minute before he turns to look at me. "Is this what you want?"

"I want what's best for Emma"

"You do this… you can't change your mind in a few years"

"I know that"

"Having a child isn't like… well anything else in the world. We more than anyone know what it's like when parents just give up on you… don't want you… You can't bail on Emma in a few years. No one would judge you for walking away from this now. Emma is still so young she would forget you"

I wince at the thought of Emma forgetting me. _I don't want her to forget me. She's my little princess._ "I agreed to six months. I haven't even had six hours to process everything."

"That's fair. I want you to really think about this though. Mom and Dad are going to have a lot to say as well."

I run a hand over my face as I let out a loud groan. _Can I just have a moment with my thoughts please!? Or just some time to talk all of this out with Ana before everyone wants to share their opinions or advice or whatever?_ "Let me tell them, please"

"It's not my place"

"Thanks"

He starts the car again and shakes his head. "Fuck Alli and Mike were… they were good people."

"The best"

"And that poor little baby"

"You see? She's alone in the fucking world, I can't turn my back on her. And Steele wouldn't agree to it. So even if I walked away… she would take care of her. But I… I care about her too, El. She needs me just as much as she needs Steele."

He nods before he pulls back onto the road, where we ride in complete silence.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

We make it back to the house in two and a half hours to a completely quiet house. There is no one on the main floor and I go to yell for Steele when I stop myself, wondering if maybe Emma is asleep. Elliott and I set my stuff down and we walk up the stairs in search of them. I open the nursery to find Steele in a rocking chair, gently rocking back and forth. I take a moment before she notices us to take her in. _It's a shame she's such a neurotic pain in the ass, she really is quite beautiful. I remember the first time I laid eyes on her. I was lost. Those blue eyes stunned me. They were so clear and such a bright shade of blue. I rarely got nervous around women. Women were nervous around me. But she was confident and feisty and it turned me the fuck on. So somewhere between her looks and her attitude I found myself drinking more than usual. Maybe out of nerves? Who knows. She didn't seem to be phased by me. And I found myself trying to.. I don't know impress her? Charm her? Get into her panties. But there must have been something lost in translation- the night was a blur, because she went from being indifferent to seemingly hating my guts. And in response that pissed me off. The waitress had been all over my nuts all night and maybe I was feeling a little rejected by Ana… so I went with it. I mean Steele had made it clear that I had no shot with her. So why not? Imagine my shock when Steele got a little… jealous? And thus our relationship bloomed._ She finally notices us in the doorway and she nods before she gets up slowly to lay Emma in her crib. She follows us out and closes the door softly. "Shit!" she says snapping her fingers. "Baby monitor" She comes out with both of them and hands me one. "Here make sure you can hear me." She closes the door and I hear "can you hear me" come through the speaker.

"No" I reply back.

"Dick" she whispers before coming out, having left hers in the room next to Emma's crib. She snatches mine out of my hand. "Hi Elliott" she says.

"Hi Ana" he wraps her in a hug and I roll my eyes.

"Do you two want to get a room?" I snort before moving back down the stairs.

"Shut up, ass. Some people are just nice. I know that's a concept that you aren't too familiar with." Steele bites back.

"I reserve that for people that don't make me want to rip my hair out" I see her narrow her eyes at me before Elliott steps between us effectively blocking her from my line of sight.

"I am sorry for your loss" he says to her and she nods.

"Thank you"

We move into the kitchen and I watch as Steele puts her ear to the monitor several times a minute. "Christian told me what you guys are doing. I know it's a terrible situation what led to this, but I think what you are doing is remarkable" Elliott says.

Ana sits the baby monitor down and looks at me before turning to my brother. "I'm not going to turn my back on Emma. I know that your brother doesn't think very highly of me and the feeling is mutual. But I have a feeling he doesn't want to turn his back on her either. They were our best friends. We owe them… I owe Alli…a lot. We trusted each other with everything and now she's trusted me with her daughter. I've never let her down before I'm certainly not going to start now… when it matters the most." It doesn't escape me that my eyebrows furrow when she says that we don't think highly of one another. _It's not that I don't think highly of her… she's just… annoying… and neurotic… and she drives me crazy! It's not that I don't think she's a good person. Does she think I'm not a good person?_

"You don't think I'm a good person?" I blurt out and I cringe inwardly. _Did you have to say that outloud, you pussy?_

"What?" She asks looking over at me.

"You said you don't think highly of me"

"You don't think the world of me either. I just meant we aren't the biggest fans of each other"

"But you don't think I'm a good person?"

"You're not particularly my cup of tea, no. But… I don't think you're a bad person, Christian"

"Well now that it's settled" Elliott says shooting me a look that says I need to relax. "I want you guys to know that I'm here for whatever you guys need. If you need a babysitter or… whatever. I loved Michael and Alli… and you're not alone in this"

"Thanks Elliott. But… this isn't your responsibility" she says and despite my feelings about her I have to admire her in this moment. _I think if I walked away she could truly do this on her own. And there's something to be said for that._

"I know. But I want to help… if you need it"

She nods and gives him a small smile before getting up to head upstairs. _I wonder if she's going to check on Emma, God knows I've been dying to. Who knows if those baby monitors are really working…_

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

About an hour later, Elliott is gone and Steele and I are sitting at the kitchen table attempting to come up with some sort of "schedule." She has highlighters, different colored post- it notes to match the highlighters and her computer open with an excel sheet.

"So your games are always at night?" She says looking up at me from the large calendar she has spread out.

I shake my head. "No. I do have some daytime games on the weekends. I'll try to get out of some of those though. How often do you have to go to the bakery?"

"I try to go everyday but…" she trails off. "I can work around it. I have a somewhat competent manager"

"If you own it why do you have to go at all?" I ask leaning back in my chair and crossing my arms.

"Because it's my job"

"But you're not actually doing the baking"

"Actually I bake too" she says sitting her pen down and cocking her head to the side.

"Can't you just pay people to do that?"

She puts her head in her hands. "You are infuriating. I work just like you do. Just because I don't have a boss doesn't mean I don't have things to do everyday. Things that I have to leave the house to do"

"But you can take Emma… I mean it's a bakery…" I say with an eye roll. "It's not like you're in an office or anything"

"And you're in an office… what do you even do anyway?"

"I'm a sports entertainment director for King5 Sports. It's kind of like ESPN in the sense that it covers a wide range of sports and we have our own anchors covering but it's not on a National level. It's more local. Though we do cover nationally televised games as well. Point is I can't take a baby to the studio, get a clue. I'm literally staring at the screens for an extended period of time" _She's clearly on something if she thinks I can take Emma to the studio to sit in a room with 9 other people as we are controlling the cameras. How am I supposed to hold her, or change her or keep her busy while I'm working?_

"What does that even mean?"

"When a game is on, I control the cameras, I tell them when to cut to a commercial… shit like that" I say. _It's not rocket science, Steele._ She nods her head. "So no, I can't take her. There's times the studio needs to be quiet, there's times we're really noisy. But I have to be focused on seven to eight screens at once, so no I can't have Emma there." She nods in understanding. "You can't set up one of those playpen things in an office while you're there?"

"Christian I'm not just in there with my feet up tasting pies! I can't just bring her to work with me. I'm constantly running around. We do some catering events, where I have to be there. My business is still new so I'm on the floor a lot, interacting with customers. So we are going to have to coordinate-"

I put a hand up before she starts on her tangent. "Look I'm not saying everyday, but there's going to be times when we both have to work, and I'm JUST trying to come up with a gameplan"

She stands up from her chair and glares at me. "A gameplan that's me carrying more of the weight? You want me to go to work and balance taking care of an infant? She's already walking a little and you want to risk her being able to climb out of her playpen?.. In an area where I have multiple ovens?"

"Fine!" I yell back. "Stupid idea. What about daycare?" I say raising a hand in defeat.

"On the weekend?"

"Okay… how about YOU come up with something, if you're going to shoot down all of mine"

"How long are your games?"

"Couple hours depending…"

"Depending on..?" She trails off wanting me to finish.

"If they go into overtime, depending on the sport. You have seen a football game right? Those can be like up to four hours. And we are in the heart of football season"

"Why don't we just…" she lets out a breath. "Take it one week at a time for now. This week we shouldn't have any problems. Our schedules coordinate fine"

"Fine" I say. "You going to care if I go out later?"

"What?" She asks as she closes the refrigerator and pulls out a bottle of water.

"After Friday night games, sometimes we go out after. You care?"

"You're kidding right"

"I'm not going to party but excuse me if I need a drink?"

"We haven't even buried our friends, we have their daughter asleep upstairs and you want to go get drunk?"

"The reasons you just gave are exact reasons why I need to. You think I'm not hurting? You think I'm not coping with what happened? But life fucking goes on, Steele" I see her lip tremble and I tell myself to stop but I can't. _She's opened Pandora's box._ "You have NO idea what I'm feeling or what I'm going through. You don't get to judge me because I need space to wrap my head around everything"

"You think you're the only one that needs space! That needs five minutes of just FUCKING PEACE! I haven't even been able to grasp what I'm feeling because-" her rant is interrupted by a doorbell and she groans. "Godddd what now!" We move towards the door and open it revealing a young woman holding what looks like a casserole.

"Hi.. I… am so sorry to intrude like this. I'm Charlotte… we've met a few times? I live a few doors down and I'm.. kinda here on behalf of the neighborhood. We didn't want to all come and overwhelm you. But we just wanted to check in and see how y'all were doing. And… if Emma was okay. We are all very sorry for your loss."

I take the time to look her over while she speaks. _How have I not remembered her if I've met her? Was I drunk? Have I slept with this girl?_ I let my eyes linger on her breasts before trailing them down to her hips and I wish she would turn just a bit for me to get a glimpse of her ass. _Damn she's fine._ I know I'm caught as her eyes meet mine and her eyes tell me everything I need to know. I hear a huff next to me when Steele steps forward taking the casserole from Charlotte.

"Thank you for bringing this." She turns to leave before looking back at me. "Please be mindful that Emma is asleep"

I close the door behind us and away from Ana's nosy eyes and ears leaving Charlotte and I alone on the porch. "So Charlotte… you married?" I ask cutting right to the chase.

She bites her lip before looking up at me. "Divorced" she smiles.

"I have a game later but.. Maybe I could swing by after? We could… have a drink?"

Her eyes sparkle and I know that look. _She wants me._ "That sounds great. I'm sure I'll be up"

"Great" I wink at her. "Catch you later, Charlene"

"Charlotte" she corrects and I nod.

"Right" and with that I head back into the house. I need a cold shower or to rub one out or both when I see Steele in the entrance to the foyer staring at me.

"Oh wow, that was quick. Remind me how you get all the girls again if it only takes you" she looks down at her watch. "Two and a half minutes" she walks by me and up the stairs and I can't stop watching that pert ass of hers clench with every step. I shake my head. _I really do need to get laid if I'm looking at Steele's ass._

"Fuck you, Steele. Actually that's probably what you need to get the stick out of your ass" I'm moving up the stairs behind her and I spin her around on the first landing to look at me. "Don't concern yourself so much with what I'm doing. I'm sorry, will it hurt your feelings if I fuck the neighbor?"

She scoffs. "Be my guest. Hope you wrap it up. If she's willing to drop her panties for a guy that calls her the wrong fucking name she probably has more STDs than standards"

 _Was she listening?_ The thought makes me laugh. _Why does she care so much?_ "Were you listening? Aw… were you jealous?" I sneer.

"Bite me" she tells me before moving up the stairs as I trail behind her. She stops mid step and turns around. "I really couldn't care less what you do. Go out with your friends, fuck every woman on the block, party till your heart's content. But.. you have responsibilities now. We both do. We are both used to only worrying about ourselves. And now… it's going to be an adjustment. I went out and I partied and I've had one night stands. But we both need to grow up now. So just… do right by Emma. And we won't have any problems. I know we don't like each other… but we have to try… for her. Because we're all she's got" She says before climbing the remainder of the stairs and into the nursery before closing the door. _I think as a way to tell me not to come in._

XXXXXXXXXXX

I'm due at the studio in an hour when I head down the stairs. I forced myself to get some sleep and then showered, so I haven't seen Steele since earlier. A mouth watering smell starts to waft through the house as I descend the stairs and move into the kitchen to see Ana pulling two cakes out of the oven.

"You bake at home?"

"For practice"

"Smells good" she narrows her eyes at me curiously as if she's shocked by my compliment.

"I do need a test subject… if you want to try it"

My eyes widen and I can't escape the smile that crosses my face. I have a serious sweet tooth, _maybe living with Steele will have its perks._ "I'm in, what is it?"

"It has to cool though before I can ice it.. unless you just want the plain cake. I've been trying to revamp my mint chocolate cake recipe. Sometimes it's too minty, sometimes not enough mint. I'm just trying to get it just right." She scoops some icing from the bowl with her finger and slides it between her lips and the fleeting thought of her mouth wrapped around something else flashes through my head. _Stop it, Grey._

"I can wait for you to ice it" I say as I pick Emma up. "Bye Princess, I'll be back later, okay?" I pepper her face with kisses causing her to squeal. I rub her back in circles and she lays her head on my shoulder. "Oh someone is sleepy" I say kissing her forehead.

"No!" Emma yells and my heart stops as it's the first thing she's said since we picked her up this morning. _Does she feel that things are off? Children can sense these things. Does she realize that Michael and Alli aren't here? I'm sure she recognizes Steele and I but how long till she starts asking for Mommy and Daddy?_

I feel her presence next to me and see her hand stroking Emma's back. "You're not sleepy, pumpkin?" She shakes her head and sticks her thumb in her mouth as she continues to keep her head on my shoulder. Steele pulls her thumb gently from her mouth before replacing it with her pacifier and giving her a kiss on her cheek. "I'm going to feed her and then give her a bath and put her to bed"

I nod at her. "I know I said…" I trail off. "I shouldn't be too late." _I mean maybe she had a point… we are all kinds of fucked up about what happened but I can't just go on a bender. Alcohol, sex, staying out all night, that's how I would usually cope with the bullshit but now I have people that depend on me… Emma.. and Steele._

She rolls her eyes at me. "You don't have a curfew, Christian. Do what you want. I won't set the alarm so you won't trip it when you open the door. Just set it when you come back in"

"Steele you need to set it. I don't want you here late by yourself without it on" _It seems like a decent neighborhood but you can never be too certain._

"I'll be fiiiine" she says dramatically.

I set Emma back in her highchair. "Just do it" I bark at her.

"You're not the boss of me!" She stamps her foot and puts her hands to her hips cocking her head to the side. _Damn she's so stubborn… and it's cute as hell._

"I'm not trying to be the boss of you. Heaven forbid I'm fucking worried about you and Emma"

I see her resolve soften as she lowers her arms. "Fine. Hopefully it won't be too loud when you come in and activate it. And LANGUAGE!"

I roll my eyes at her. "I'll be quick."

"Don't forget the code"

"Relax, I won't" I say. _And just that quick she's gone from cute to a giant nag._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I have to hand it to her, Steele can cook. I don't think I actually tasted the mint chocolate cake she gave me before I pushed it through my face. I'll definitely be attacking that when I get back home. I'm pulling into the studio and heading towards my office when I hear my name being called.

"GREY!" The owner of the station comes towards me and I roll my eyes. "You're late"

"Dock my pay" I say back.

"How are ya?"

"I'm alright" I say heading into my office. He follows behind me and sits on my couch making me wonder if he's planning to stay. "To what do I owe the visit?"

"I want you to cover tomorrow's game."

"The Mariners? I can't. I'm already covering tomorrow night's Seahawks game and I have a mountain of paperwork to get through Sunday"

"So? You're the best one I've got. You know Jared covered last night's game and he had the wrong god damn cameras for the two point conversion. Thank God it was a college game and not one of our nationally aired ones. There wasn't enough focus on the pass itself or the catch. I'm getting all kinds of heat right now."

"The game is at two, no Jeff." _I don't exactly have the most normal relationship with my boss having known him since I was eighteen. I played lacrosse in high school and we went to states my senior year. I was the team captain and the MVP in the final game so when we won, they wanted to interview me and the coach after the game. I went to the studio later that month with my parents and Jeff told my parents I had the "it factor" and offered me an internship the summer before I left for college. I interned every summer after and he offered me a job right out of graduation. Jeff became more like a second parent, a guidance counselor, a friend as time went on._

"What the fuck, you always cover when I need you"

"Times have changed, Jeff and I have something of high importance to take care of tomorrow. Speaking of which" I pause. "I need next Thursday off."

"What the fuck for?"

"Funeral" I say as I hold his gaze, daring him to push me.

"I-I'm sorry.. for your loss.. who?"

I take a deep breath. "Michael and his wife"

He eyes me over his glasses and rubs a hand down his jaw over his graying beard. "Christian I… I'm sorry" Having met Michael a number of times he knew what our friendship meant to me. His eyes narrow at me. "Both of them?"

I nod unable to meet his eyes. "Yes" I say as I boot up my computer at my desk.

"Don't they have a daughter?" He says moving towards my desk and picking up the one and only picture I have. A picture of Emma, me and Michael from the day she was born.

"Yes"

"Where is she?"

I sigh before leaning back in my chair. "It's why times have changed Jeff. She's.. in my care now"

He raises an eyebrow at me. "You serious?"

"Yes."

"Is it permanent?"

"We are on a six month trial period. After then we will proceed with adoption or…" I clear my throat as I prepare to say the words. "she goes into the system"

"We?" He asks me.

"Myself… and her godmother"

He nods while looking at me before rubbing his finger over his lip. "The one that gets under your skin?"

I nod. "Yes"

"How's that going so far?"

"It's… going" I think about the cake she let me try, the argument this morning, the way she wrapped her lips around her finger and the spike in my heart rate it caused, the way she is fiercely protective of Emma… and I wonder.. _How is it going… It's only been a day so far. What is this road we are going down? My annoyance with her has severely lessened the last day and a half. Is that the grief? Was Elliott right? Do death and grief bring people together? Even now I'm wondering what she's doing right now. Is she baking? Is she watching TV? Reading? Is she… thinking about me? Is Emma still awake? It's our first night with her… I should be there with her._ I'm snapped from my thoughts when I feel a hand on my shoulder.

"It's going to be okay, son. Take all the time you need. I'll… get that asshole Jared for tomorrow" I nod my head in response as I make my way out of my office and onto the soundstage.

 _It was like every other game. Point camera one here, camera four there, focus on the point guard, he shoots, follow the ball. It was like going through the motions. Michael and I went to so many games together. Football, baseball, basketball, hockey, every sporting event I went to Michael was sitting next to me. You name it, we were there. Sports brought Michael and I together and now as I'm directing the cameras I can't see anything but me and my best friend sitting in the stands._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I take a deep breath as I sit in the bar by myself nursing the whiskey in front of me. I needed something to take the pain away. Maybe something stronger than this. I rub a hand over my head and signal for another. I really need to get home. I've only been out of work about thirty minutes, but I don't want to leave Ana alone too long. I leave my bike at the studio knowing I'm in no place to operate it when I find myself standing in front of Charlotte's house- the woman from earlier. The woman with the kind smile paired with the "come fuck me" eyes. I walk up the stairs to the porch and I see the lights are on in the living room and I wonder if she's sitting up waiting for me. My finger hovers over the doorbell. _I need to clear my head, and sex usually does that for me. But can I really clear my head from this? Can I escape this with a faceless one night stand?_ I sigh before backing away slowly from the door and back down the street. I walk the few doors down to Michael and Alli's- or I guess my new home. The thought brings on the new but familiar pain associated with my best friend's death. I turn my key in the lock and open the door and I'm met with the familiar blaring sounds of the alarm.

"Shit" I mumble completely forgetting that I told Steele to set the alarm. I make my way over to the little white box and punch in the four numbers. "What the fuck?" I say to myself as the alarm continues to sound. I punch in the numbers again and it continues. "Are you kidding!?" "It's 4932! 4932!" Despite the blaring sound of the alarm I begin to hear Emma's crying over it and I groan. I hear the alarm start to get louder and more aggressively fast and I know what this means. The cops will probably be showing up here at any moment.

"Are you kidding me, Grey!?" I hear Steele as she comes bounding down the stairs and pushing me out of the way. She presses four buttons and the alarm stops. She looks at me with angry tired eyes. "What the fuck!?"

"I was pressing it! 4-9-3-2!" I say pointing to each number.

She looks at me as if I've grown three heads. "That's not the fucking code!" She says clearly exasperated that my mistake woke her… and Emma up in the middle of the night.

"Wait… what?"

"That's not the code. The code is 0817. Alli's birthday"

"Where did I get-" I pause before sighing in realization. "Shit that's my cellphone password"

She huffs and glares at me as she looks towards the sound of Emma's crying. "You're joking right? I told you to write the code down!" She shakes her head. "I just got her to bed like an hour ago. You go get her back to sleep" she moves closer to me and wrinkles her nose. "Actually scratch that. You smell like a distillery"

"I had two drinks, Steele. I do not"

I know she has some smartass remark to make when the doorbell rings and she groans. "Who the hell could that be?" she moves towards the door when I grab her arm pulling her behind me. I have a feeling it's the police making a routine visit for having tripped the alarm but I'm not taking any chances.

"No, it's late" I open the door and see two police officers standing in front of me. "Officers" I nod.

"Got a call about from the alarm company about this house. You folks okay? They said they tried to call you but the phone's were off?"

"No we didn't get any calls we-" I start when I feel Steele's hand wrapped around my arm.

"They wouldn't be calling us… we aren't the numbers on the account… Officers, the owners of this house were our best friends. They.. they died last night. Michael and Allison Northington"

The officer's eye us and nod knowingly. "You're their child's godparents… We… we were there last night. We are very sorry for your loss"

I nod, as I've gotten used to doing when someone says that. "Thanks"

"Let us know if you need anything" It doesn't escape me that the officer speaking is looking directly at Ana as she's in a tiny pair of shorts, and a silk camisole that leaves very little to the imagination. I'm sure she wasn't anticipating anyone seeing her like this when the blaring alarm roused her from sleep.

"Yeah sure" I say moving slightly in front of her blocking their view from her and shut the door in their faces. _Dick_. _I could be… I mean we could be… Was he really making a pass at her at one in the morning while he's making a house call? Fucker._ I realize the house is quiet now so Emma has at least stopped crying.

"0-8-1-7 Christian it's really not that hard. Write it down" she says and although I know it's my fault I really don't have it in me for her condescending attitude right now.

"I got it" I say through gritted teeth.

"Honestly Christian, it's four numbers"

"I. said. I. got. It." I say as I follow her up the stairs to Emma's room. I suppose the alarm stopping was enough to calm Emma down because she's now fallen back to sleep.

"Wonderful" Steele sighs as we leave her room. "I'm going back to sleep. I'm leaving here at 8 tomorrow morning. It would be great if you were awake."

"Got it"

"Okay… well.. Night"

"Night.. Sorry, about the alarm" I say before she closes her bedroom door. She turns back to look at me and offers me a small smile before she disappears behind her door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I hear my alarm go off and I groan knowing that means I have about five minutes to get downstairs before Steele leaves and I'm left alone with Emma. I move down the stairs after brushing my teeth and I'm met with Steele moving around the kitchen as quick as lightning. I see Emma trying to follow her with her eyes as she sits in her high chair but I think even she's overwhelmed. "Morning" I yawn as I wipe my eyes with the heel of my hand.

"Oh there you are, I thought I was going to have to come wake you up" she says looking down at her watch.

"You said eight" I shrug.

"It's seven fifty-seven. Really could have used a few more minutes to talk about a few things"

"Like what?"

"Uh like what to feed Emma? When she should take a nap? I was thinking maybe you could take her out in the fresh air? Maybe go on a walk? Or to the park?"

"What is she going to do at the park? She's not even two"

"She can swing? I mean you just have to push her obviously"

"Fine" I say.

"You should read to her. You know to help with her vocabulary? And try not to say the N-O word so much. We need to break her of that word. She said it about fifty times yesterday"

"Okay"

She nods before picking up Emma. "Bye pumpkin. I'll see you later okay?" She kisses her cheek and the vision of her doing so makes my heart

Emma looks at her before furrowing her brow slightly. "Ana bye?"

"Yes, but I'll be back"

I see the tears flood her eyes and it's not lost on me that Emma didn't have this response when I left yesterday. "No!"

"Hey, I'll be back! And you'll be with Christian" she says turning around and pointing at me. "What does Emma call you?"

"Usually C-C but she hasn't called me anything since we picked her up… I haven't been around much the last month or so. Maybe she doesn't recognize me"

"Of course she does.. And… C-C?" She smiles at me. "That's cute"

"Michael called me C or CG and I don't know I guess she just picked it up. I think she's trying to call me CG. I don't know" I say as I place a kiss to Emma's temple. "Do you remember me, angel?" She smiles and I wonder if I have my answer when she throws her arms around my neck.

"C-C!"

"See! Maybe she just needed a reminder" Steele smiles at me and Emma before rubbing her back gently. "Call me if you need me. But try not to need me?"

"Got it"

"0-8-1-7!" She calls over her shoulder as she leaves the room. "Oh" she says as she walks back through. "We will need to talk about your transportation situation at some point."

"I'm not getting a fu- fre- minivan"

She shrugs. "I'm not asking you to? Just something you can put a car seat in would be great"

I scratch my head. "Fine"

"Where is your bike anyway?"

"At the studio.. Aren't you late?"

She looks down at her watch. "Yes, totally. Okay.. bye!" She says before she's out the door.

I cradle Emma in my arms before putting her back in her high chair so that she can finish her breakfast as I wonder what in the world the day is going to hold for us. _Okay Christian, you can do this._

 **A/N: Next up: Christian's first day with Emma all alone!**


	3. A Day in the Life

CPOV

Steele has been gone for a little under an hour when I place Emma in her playpen and turn on the television in an attempt to find Sports Center. I want to watch the highlights and make sure everything looked okay from the game last night. My mind was definitely elsewhere a few times during it and I hope I didn't miss anything important. As I'm flipping, I happen to stumble on a cartoon and before I can change it, I hear "Ry'er, Ry'er, Ry'er!" My eyes move slowly to Emma and she's giving me those eyes of hers. Those eyes that I know will get her out of everything when she gets older. _She's the master of them already!_

"This?" I say leaving it on the cartoon.

She claps her hands and begins to bounce in her playpen. "Ry'er!"

I hit the info button and see that it's something called "Paw Patrol." _What is this shit?_ "Emma are you kidding me?"

"C-C up!" She says lifting her arms above her head.

"You don't want to stay in your playpen?" I ask hoping she will want to stay put so I know that she won't be tempted to start running around and getting into everything.

Her lip trembles. "C-C, Ry'er!" She points at the television. She puts her hands on the top of her playpen and jumps slightly I think in the attempt to get herself out.

"Okay okay!" I chuckle as I get up. "Do you think you can get out on your own?" I say eyeing her wondering if I have a little Rugrat on my hands. She moves to the other side of the playpen as I am now in the way of the television. She furrows her brow at me as she cranes her neck further to see around me. "You're a funny little one, Em" I say pulling her out and sitting her next to me on the couch. "So who's that?"

"Ry'er" she points

"Yeah I got that… what does he do?"

She looks at me as if to say: " _Okay I don't know how to formulate all those words yet, give me a break"_ "Doggie!"

"What does the doggie say?"

"Chase! Woof!" She says as she bounces in her seat. "Woof woof! Chase!" She says pointing at the television again.

"That's right, Emma" I say pulling her into my lap and kissing her temple. "What about cats? Do you know what they say?" She looks at me and then back at the television and points at it again. "No… cat." I pull my phone out of my pocket and pull up an image of a cartoon cat and put it in front of her. "What is that?"

"Meow!"

"Yes! You're so smart, you're a genius!"

"Ge-uis"

"Yes that's you!" I say wondering if there's some truth to what Ana said about her repeating everything I say. _I really do need to watch my mouth. If I teach Emma the word 'fuck', Alli will never forgive me._ The thought knocks the wind out of me. _Alli won't be around to give me shit about teaching her daughter to swear. Alli isn't here. Michael isn't here._ I look down at Emma and she's watching the screen in fascination. Her eyes lighting up every few moments. Her thumb has made her way back into her mouth so I pull it gently from her as Ana does. She looks up at me and I know what she's thinking. _You know the deal, buddy. Where's my pacifier?_

"Paci!" _Knew it. Maybe I'm not so bad at this baby stuff._ She says holding her hand out and opening and closing her little fist. I kiss her tiny hand before getting up and taking a few steps out of the living room. I don't make it halfway to the kitchen before I realize I left Emma sitting on the couch by herself. _Shit what if she falls off!?_ I bolt back to the living room and see her still sitting staring at the television her thumb having moved back to her mouth. I pick her up and she begins to whine at having to leave her precious Ryder. I roll my eyes to the heavens as I pull her thumb from her mouth again.

"Wait a minute, Emma. Don't you want your paci?"

"Paci paci!" She pops her thumb back in her mouth and narrows her eyes at me. _She's a cheeky little thing._

I find her pacifier in the kitchen and I rinse it off and hold it out for her. She leans forward and opens her mouth. I barely have a chance to move it before it's in her mouth. "Geeze Emma. Bite my finger off why don't you"

She begins to kick her feet against me and I wonder if that means she wants to get down. I move to set her on her feet and she takes off. _Shit!_ I follow her around the bar of the kitchen and she bolts through the foyer, giggling the whole way. _Damn she's a fast little thing, she'll be great for soccer… or maybe field hockey… lacrosse? But what if she doesn't have good coordination. Hmm… Okay Christian focus, no sports till she's at least three._ I'm still following behind her as she's tearing through the main floor, the television completely forgotten about.

"Em, slow down princess"

I think my words distract her because before I know what's happening her feet are out from under her and she's on her hands and knees on the hardwood floor of the foyer. "Shit!" I shout. I immediately drop to her side and pull her into my arms. "Are you okay?"

"Shit!" she repeats and I slap my hand over my face.

"No… no no no. Don't say that. C-C says no"

"NO!" She replies and I wonder how many more ways I can fuck this up. _The word we are trying to get her to stop saying and now a new word in her vocabulary. Maybe if she says "no shit" Ana will really just kill me._

"Emma are you okay? Are you hurt?" _Ummm… what do kids call pain..? Boo- boo!_ "Do you have a boo-boo?"

She immediately looks down at her legs and swings them a few times. "Boo- boo?"

"Does it hurt?"

The tears flood her eyes as she looks up at me. "Boo- boo?!"

"No no, you're okay" I say pulling her to my chest and rubbing her back. "Don't run okay, Em? I don't want you to fall"

"Fall?"

"Right. No fall"

Her lips purse in the cutest way before her eyes light up. "Shit!"

"Really. That's the word we're fixating on?" I say raising an eyebrow at her. "No paci if you say it again"

"No paci?"

"No paci" Her lip juts out in a pout and I wonder if she's grasped the reasoning behind not getting her pacifier or if she thinks I'm just being mean. "Don't say that word"

"No paci?"

 _Should I say the word to tell her not to say the word? Or just hope she forgets about it._ I hear my phone begin to ring in the other room and I pick her up to make my way over to the sound. I realize it's a FaceTime from 'Steele' and I answer it putting Emma in front of the screen.

"ANA!" She screams and I wince as I am right next to her.

"Hi pumpkin! I miss you"

"Ana!... SHIT!"

I groan next to her as I see Steele's expression but she can't see me. "Oh really? Where's C-C?"

I look at Emma and shake my head at her putting a line over my neck. _Come on, Em help me out. I'm not here!_ She holds the phone out to me and I sigh. "Gee thanks, Emerson"

"Christian Trevelyan!" I hear and I groan.

"What mother?"

"Don't what me, I leave you alone for five minutes!"

Emma climbs into my lap and tries to take the phone back as she's trying to see the screen, and more importantly her own face in the screen again. "No, Emma" I say and I hear an exasperated sigh on the other end.

"AND the N-O word!? You're killing me Christian"

"Sorry! She.. she fell and it was just the first word I said!"

"She fell!?" _Fuck probably should have kept that to myself._ "How did she fall?"

"She was running and…"

"Why is she running? She can hurt herself Christian"

"She didn't.. She didn't even cry. She's going to be a fearless child"

She narrows her eyes at me. "Let me see her." I put the phone back in front of her. "We are not done talking about this Christian" I hear her say and I roll my eyes. _God she's annoying._

"Em, are you okay?"

"Okay!"

"Are you having fun with C-C?"

"Love C-C!" She climbs into my lap successfully dropping my phone onto the couch and giving me a slobbery kiss on my cheek. She plants herself in my lap before putting her pacifier back in her mouth and staring wide eyed at the television. I grab my phone and point it at Emma so she can see that Emma is so over this conversation. I put the camera on myself and look at my pain in the ass new roommate. "We are fine, we'll see you later"

"No more swearing!" she says.

"Bye, Steele" I say before ending the call.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

It's about eleven, when Emma and I start our trek to the park in her stroller. I fed her some lunch and she didn't seem to be ready to take a nap so I thought some fresh air may tire her out. I know at some point I will need to change her diaper and honestly I am dreading that. I am contemplating calling the babysitter that they use to come over and change the diaper for me. I make it to the park in record time. _I guess that's suburbia for you._ I see a few mothers talking to each other and they all turn their head to look at me as I get there. I sit down on the bench and pull Emma from her stroller when the sun suddenly disappears. I look up to see two women staring down at me. "Umm hi?" I say as I pull Emma into my lap.

"Hi" a brunette with a high ponytail decked out in LuluLemon athletic wear is the first to say something. "I'm Amy"

"Hi Amy" I say as I bounce Emma slightly on my knee.

I see the other nudge Amy and then smile at me. "Oh and this is Marie"

"Nice to meet you both"

"She is… just adorable" Amy says sitting down next to me on the bench. Emma slinks away from her touch when Amy tries to make contact and just burrows herself against me and turns her head away from her.

"She's a bit… shy" _Liar. Emma loves everyone. She's just not buying whatever you're selling, lady._

"Awww, hellooo" Amy sings trying to get Emma's attention and I feel Emma's grip tighten on my shirt.

I kiss her head and pull her back slightly to look at me. "Do you want to swing?"

Her eyes light up. "Swing!"

I get up and move towards the swings hoping that Amy and Marie would get the message but yet they follow me. _Where are your kids?_

"Will! Stop eating dirt!" I hear Amy say… or maybe it was Marie. _I've already forgotten which one was which._ "So… when did you move here? I would certainly remember your face." She purrs and I resist the urge to roll my eyes.

"I'm… Emma's godfather" I say pointing at Emma as I slide her into the baby swing and begin to push her gently. "You've probably seen her with one of her parents here."

"Hmm…" at this point she makes a face at Marie and she departs leaving Amy alone with Emma and I. "So… I didn't get your name?"

"Christian" I say coolly. _I know this game, well. And I'm surely not engaging in it with Emma around. Not that I'm particularly interested in Amy or Marie to begin with._

"So… Christian" she smiles. "Is there a god.. Mother?" I don't miss the way she ogles my left hand in search for a ring.

 _Bingo. A way out._ "Actually there is."

"Oh.." I see her lips turn into a pout. "Well where is she?"

"Work… we have different schedules"

"So she's not taking care of… you then?"

I raise my eyebrow at her. _I'm used to forward women, but usually only after a few drinks and in the night hours when everyone's inhibitions were a bit lowered. Not at noon on the playground in front of children._ "She takes care of me plenty." _I thought that would taste bitter coming out of my mouth but the thought of Steele taking care of me… sexually sends an involuntary shudder through me._ I clear my throat. "Thanks though" I add hoping that this dismisses her but she doesn't get the hint.

"Do you have more children?" She asks and I am really getting tired of this little game. _Can't a guy bring a child to the park without being hit on? I wasn't prepared for this shit. I'm prepared at bars, or at games or hell the grocery store. But the fucking park? Note to self, the park is Ana's thing._ I do a quick scan and I don't see any guys that would appear to be single, so there shouldn't be anyone hitting on Ana. _Wait… why do you care? And since when do you call her Ana?_

"Aren't you married?" I finally blurt out and I sigh when I see her face fall immediately.

"My divorce was just finalized a few weeks ago actually"

 _Probably because you annoyed the shit out of your husband._ "I'm sorry to hear that"

"He was cheating on me… with his secretary. How cliche is that?"

I shrug. "Maybe he loves her" She shoots me a glare and I have finally figured out the way to get her to leave me alone. _This might be a really asshole thing to do, but you pushed me Amy slash Marie._ "I mean think about it. You have a child… a dirt-eating child… and maybe you're so focused on him and when he gets home all he wants you to do is…" I look down at Emma who is clearly in her own little world enjoying the swings as I push her. "Well you know. But you're so concerned with your child that you completely take him for granted. And before you know it he's spending time with her and talking to her and doing… well the thing you aren't doing at home because you're too focused on the kid"

Her lips tremble slightly. "You… you asshole!"

I shrug. "You hit on a guy with a kid… who made it clear he wasn't available. All I wanted to do was hang out with my goddaughter. I know you're newly single and have to learn the game all over again, but self awareness is key. Pick up on the signs" I say winking at her. She huffs and walks away when I call back out to her. "Hey Ames?"

She turns around and narrows her eyes at me. "What?"

"Watch your language… there are children around you know"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The rest of the time at the park is uneventful and after some swinging and a few rides down the slide with me holding her tightly, we head home. As soon as we cross the threshold I see her yawn. _She's so damn cute when she yawns._ I pick her up in my arms and kiss her cheek. "Are you ready for a nap?"

"No nap!" She says as she plays with her ear. I remember Alli always saying that was a telltale sign that she was sleepy.

"You sure? What if I read to you?"

"Sam?"

"Sam?" I repeat back to her and she tries to get down and takes off for a tiny bookshelf in the corner of her playroom. "Sam!" She cries and she sits down in front of the books and points.

"Okay… umm…" I say as I sit next to her and try and figure out what book she wants about Sam. I pull out a few and try to skim them for the word when her eyes light up when a bright orange book comes into view.

"Sam sam sam!"

"Ohhhh Green Eggs and Ham? Sam I am… got it got it. I liked this book too Em. Glad to know your parents are reading you the good sh- stuff" _You mean were._

She looks up at me questioningly. "SAM!"

"Okay okay!" I say carrying her up the stairs and sitting down in the rocking chair. I open the book when realization and a smell dawns on me. "Great, you just couldn't keep it together until Steele got home? I was hoping I could go the next few years without being on diaper duty" Although Ana changed her this morning before she left I was stupid to think she could make it till she got home. I set her on the changing station before lying her down. "Okay so I've only done this… once. How hard can it be?" I take off her diaper slowly so I can remember how to get it back on when I blanche. "God, Em you didn't even eat this much! How did you produce this much sh- well you know!" I reach under the changing table for the wipes and begin to slowly clean her up. "Maybe I should just put you in the bathtub." I manage to get the diaper off of her and wrapped up and into the pail. I know I'm supposed to put baby powder on her to prevent diaper rash so I attempt to put some on her. "What the? Why isn't it coming out?" I shake it a few times, bang it against the table. Nothing. "What the heck?" I turn it completely upside down and begin to shake it harder when the whole top pops off and the baby powder is _evvvvverywhere_. All over the table, the floor and all over Emma. She is literally bright white. _Shit shit shit! What if it gets in her eyes or she ingests it?_ Luckily it's not on her face, just on her chest and legs. I wipe her down gently cleaning all of the powder off of her. "Are you okay, princess?" _Just some powder, not a problem. Just have to get that cleaned up before Steele gets home. She'll never let me live that down._

"Sam now?"

"Yes sweetheart, time for Sam. And then you are taking a nap." _Hell maybe me too._ Somewhere between "I do not like Green Eggs and Ham" and asking if I would like them in a house or with a mouse, I fell asleep. I couldn't have been asleep for longer than five minutes but when I come to, my eyes immediately fly open when I realize Emma is no longer in my lap. "Emma… Emma!" I say panicking as I jump to my feet. _The door is open._ _Stairs_. I immediately go to the stairs and let out a deep sigh of relief when I realize I put the gate up just in case, so I know she's at least somewhere on this floor. I go back into the nursery and check underneath the crib and in the closet and everywhere in her room. "Emma!" I call. "Princess, this isn't funny. Please come out" I plead with her. "I'll read Sam! We can see Ryder!" I call hoping that I can bribe her out of hiding. I check my room and pass over Ana's room since the door is closed and I don't think she's tall enough to reach that. The bathroom door is open and I'm relieved once again when I see that it's child proofed. I narrow my eyes slightly when I see that the room conjoined to the bathroom is open. _Michael and Alli's room._ I push myself through the door and for the second time today the wind is knocked out of me when I see Emma, my goddaughter, the daughter of my recently deceased best friend curled up in the bed he shared with his wife. Her thumb has made it's way into her mouth and she's under the covers. She must have climbed on the small lounger at the end of the bed. I feel weird laying down next to her on their bed but I don't want her to feel alone. _She must miss them even though she may not know why or understand the magnitude of what has happened. Maybe she smells them and it comforts her._ I swallow past the lump in my throat as I lay down next to her on top of the covers and pull her into my arms. I put some pillows around the edge of the bed so she doesn't fall and before I can think I'm asleep.

I'm awoken by a small hand on my face and I open my eyes to see blue eyes staring at me. Very close, as in her face is an inch from mine. "C-C seepin?"

I blink my eyes a few times. "Emma" I smile before kissing her head. "Did you have a good nap?"

"No nap!"

"You didn't sleep at all?" I ask raising an eyebrow at her.

She looks around her and then holds her hand out. "Paci"

"Now?"

"Paci" She repeats.

"Say please"

"Peeeease"

"Okay let's go get one. I know you have about a million around here"

"C-C" she says as I pick her up.

"Yes, angel"

She points at the bed where we just slept. "Mama"

My heart sinks and I rub her back as we exit the room. "She's… not here right now?" _Shit, what do I say?_ _I should call Steele, she'll know what to say._

"Dada?"

"Umm… he's not… here?"

"Mama Dada bye?"

"Ummm yes?" _What concept does a fifteen month old have of death?_

Her lips tremble. "C-C mama dada!"

"Okay.. hmm.. Well.. wanna call Ana? That'll be fun right? Talk to Ana?"

"Ana?" She asks her eyes lighting up. I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. "Okay crisis averted" I say picking up my phone to call Ana. After a few rings I begin to panic, "pick up Steele… pick up!"

"Up!" Emma repeats and I laugh.

"You tell her" She doesn't answer and I shake my head. "This could be important, Steele." I eye Emma wondering if she's going to ask about Michael and Alli again when my phone vibrates in my hand.

"I am so sorry! Is everything okay? I don't know how I missed your call"

"Everything is okay… I think" I say.

"Anaaaa" I hear her whine and I sit down on the bench in the hallway and hold the phone so Emma and I are both in the frame.

"Hi pumpkin, how are you? Did you have a nap?"

"No naps!"

"She had one" I jump in so Ana doesn't think I've just had her up all day.

"Oh good!"

"And Sam!" Emma says and Ana looks at me curiously.

" _Green Eggs and Ham_ is her favorite"

"Noted" Ana nods and I smile to myself that I actually know something that she didn't. I was beginning to think she had all of this under control and didn't need me at all. _Why did that thought bother me so much anyway?_

"Ana we need to talk about something"

Her eyebrows shoot to her hairline and before I can continue she interrupts me. "You- you called me Ana. You never call me Ana…even at the hospital…" the tears flood her eyes and for some reason it doesn't sit right with me.

"Please don't be upset… why are you crying?"

"Because I have a feeling it's bad news!" The tears start flowing down her face and Emma looks at me.

"Ana sad?" She says pointing at my phone.

"No.. I mean… she is not sad. She's okay! Steele get it together, you're upsetting Emma"

She wipes her eyes. "Okay sorry, shoot."

"Emma asked about M-o-m-m-y and D-a-d-d-y" I say spelling out the words.

She gasps and looks at Emma who gives a wave at the camera before trying to kiss Ana through my phone. She smiles seeing what she's trying to do before turning back to me. "What did you say?"

"That they weren't here…? I kind of diverted her attention with bringing you up but this is not going to be the end of it!"

"What brought that on? She must have been reminded of them somehow"

"Okay… don't panic."

"Why would I panic?"

"She got into their bedroom… so maybe it was the smells or what"

"Why'd you let her go in there, Christian?" She says rubbing her head. "Smell is the sense most associated with memory even at that age… maybe even especially at that age."

"I know.. I know… I'm sorry, Ana. I'm trying. Please just… cut me a break"

She looks down sadly and nods. "I know you are. I just… miss them. I know you do too, and I'm sorry for giving you such a hard time"

I'm shocked by her apology but I don't know what to say. "Are you leaving soon?"

"Yes, I should be home by four. I took out chicken this morning for dinner, but if you'd like something else I can stop on the way home"

"Whatever you took out is great"

She nods and kisses the screen and my heart races for a moment thinking that it was for me when I remember the child in my arms. "I'll be home soon, Emma. Okay?"

"Soon?"

"Yes. I'll see you. I love you!"

Emma claps her hands and tries to kiss her again and then she's gone. "Ana!" She says kicking her legs out to try and get down. I catch her after a few steps and hoist her into my arms and carry her down the stairs while we wait for Ana to get back. I guess if Emma calls her Ana, I should start calling her that too. I think Ana would kill me if Emma started calling her Steele.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A mass of brown hair comes running through the front door and I'm taken aback at how gorgeous she still looks having worked the past seven hours. I would expect her to be less put together if she's been baking especially. She picks up Emma and I get a whiff of her and I just want to stand next to her and breathe her in for the rest of the night. She smells like vanilla and cake batter and… something else I don't recognize. I realize how close we are when Ana sits down next to me with Emma in her lap. I'm vaguely aware that they are babbling to each other and I smile. _Is this what my life is now? Emma and… Ana?_

"How was your day?" I ask her. _If that wasn't the most domestic shit I've ever said…_

She looks at me before cocking her head to the side. "Do you care?"

My eyebrows knit together. "I asked didn't I?" _Give me a break, Ana. I'm trying._

"It was good. We were busy. And yours?"

"Oh just… Paw Patrol, and the park, and Sam I Am… a nap... usual stuff"

She nods. "You went to the park? Did you swing?" She asks Emma.

"Swings!"

"Oh that sounds so fun!"

"Fun!" Emma repeats.

"Repeating everything I say huh?" she says shooting me a glare before following after with a small smile. I smile back at her. "I'm going to go change and then I'll start dinner." Ana heads upstairs and I'm left alone again with Emma.

"Did you have fun today, Princess?"

"Fun!" She says again.

"Good, I love you Emma" I press a kiss to her forehead and she snuggles closer to me. "And I'm so… sorry" I whisper and I don't even think she hears me. _Sorry that I can't explain to you where your parents are. Sorry I can't bring them back. Sorry for the pain you'll eventually feel when you know the truth. Sorry you didn't have more time with them. Sorry for all of it._

I look down to see her looking up at me before she closes her eyes slowly. "Love C-C"

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that evening, after we had put Emma to bed Ana and I sit at the breakfast bar across from each other a glass of wine each. "How are we going to tell her? Do we tell her now? Should we bring her to the funeral? I mean.. we should right?" Ana starts.

"Why wouldn't we?"

"Um because she's fifteen months?"

"I don't think there's an age requirement for funerals" I retort.

"You know what I mean.. What if she gets restless or cries?"

"Because people don't cry at funerals?" I ask, raising an eyebrow at her.

"Don't be such a smartass, you know it's not a place for babies"

"It's her fucking parents!"

"You think I don't know that!?"

"No, she's going. Whether or not she knows what's going on or not, she needs to be there"

"Fine" she gives in as she takes a long sip of her wine. "If that's what you think is best. It's your call"

I sigh. "That's not how I want this to go. It's our call. We make decisions about Emma _together_ " I say letting her know that she's not in this alone.

She runs a hand through her hair and she looks so young in this moment. Hair up, no makeup, her lips slightly stained from the red wine giving her lips a natural pinkish color. A flash goes through my mind of running my tongue across them and I shake it away. _God I am losing it._ "Maybe you're right. She should be there. Say goodbye… I guess…" I see the sad look that crosses her face before she swallows the tears back. She's silent for a moment before she rests her elbows on the bar, her head in her hands. "I can't believe they're gone." Her hands are over her eyes but I see her shoulders moving up and down and I am certain that she's crying. I feel a dull ache in my chest and I wonder if it's solely due to why she's crying or also watching _her_ cry as well. Regardless of the reason, I feel the need to comfort her and before I can think my arms are wrapped around her.

"I know" I whisper as I let my cheek rest on the top of her head. She moves slightly and I feel her face against my chest as sounds that can't be mistaken for anything but sobs come out of her. I rub her back gently, her cries getting louder. I pull back slightly pulling her hands from her eyes. I always knew Ana's eyes were a gorgeous shade of blue but seeing her eyes glassy and watery makes them even brighter. I can't stop my hand from wiping the tears from her eyes with my thumb. "I'm… I'm right there with you, Ana. We're in this together"

She nods her head slightly before biting down on her bottom lip. Something she's always done but for the first time it causes a situation in my pants. _Have I really not reacted to it before? Or maybe I was just ignoring it?_ "Together" she repeats back softly and the pink in her cheeks lets me know she didn't mean it how it sounded. _Although somewhere deep inside me, I was hoping it did._

 **A/N: Shoutout to Diamond Child- my baby tutor! ;) Thanks for all of your input on this topic that I don't know much about! hehe xo**


	4. Saying Goodbye

**A/N: Tissue Alert!**

A POV

I tuck a hair behind my ear and pull the black wide brimmed hat on my head. I look in the mirror and stare at the person staring back. My eyes have bags under them, they're bright red and still brimming with unshed tears, the same way they have been the past twenty four hours as I've tried to mentally prepare myself for today. _Is anyone really ready to bury a loved one? Ready for the final goodbye?_ Christian and I met with a shrink a few days ago in regards to Emma and what he thought in regard to the funeral and going forward how we should field the "mommy and daddy" questions. He seemed to agree with Christian that although she won't understand the magnitude of what is going on, she should be there. And as far as "mommy and daddy" the best thing for her is to try and divert her attention when she asks and soon she will begin to ask less and less as she begins to associate "Ana and C-C" as mommy and daddy. We both agreed that we weren't going to teach her to call us that; we don't want to erase Alli and Michael from her life. _So she'll just grow up thinking she doesn't have a mommy or daddy?_ I shake my head ridding my mind from the thoughts that Christian and I may end up doing more harm than good if we do that. The last thing I ever want to do is hurt Emma. _Okay one day at a time, Ana. Let's just get through today._

 _"_ You look nice" I hear from the doorway. I raise my head bringing my hidden eyes into view as I lock with sad grey ones staring back at me.

"Thank you" I say giving Christian a small smile. "I used to think people that wore these hats to funerals were trying to be overly dramatic or I don't know, trying to make a fashion statement" I say, my pathetic attempt at making a joke today. He takes a step closer to me and I'm immediately met with his clean, masculine scent. His hand reaches for mine and squeezes.

"Hey." He says pulling me out of my head. "It's okay. Remember what the shrink said. No one expects you to be strong. No one expects you to make jokes or.. talk to anyone. Do what you need to do today."

"I want Emma." I say. "With me" I shake my head slightly when I see him leaving the room to get her. "With us" I correct myself. My words stop him in his tracks and he turns to look at me. He gives me a small smile before nodding. "You got it Steele" he realizes his mistake and chuckles. "Old habits. Ana" he says.

"A boring name for a boring girl, right?" I tease and he narrows his eyes at me before coming back into my room.

"I was an asshole. I shouldn't have said that"

"You surely were" I say giving him a smile and I'm actually surprised I have the mental capacity to force my mouth upwards.

"I'm serious" he says, his eyes piercing mine. "There's nothing boring about you"

We hold each other's gaze a beat too long and when I look away I know my cheeks are turning pink. I need to diffuse the tension between us so I do the only thing I can think of- make a joke. "Come on Grey, don't go soft on me. I need you to be the strong one." He nods once before he's gone. I sigh and shake the thoughts about Christian from my head. _Surprisingly we've gotten along fine the past week. He's actually been agreeable and dare I say- sweet. A few days ago, I broke down. We had just left the shrink and everything hit me at once. I sobbed in my Range Rover for two hours, and Christian sat there quietly, his hand in mine before pulling me out of my drivers seat, guiding me to the passengers seat so he could drive us home. As soon as we got home, he ordered me to take a bath and a nap and when I woke up he'd ordered food from my- not his favorite Chinese restaurant and poured me a significant glass of wine. He was the strong one. Maybe I needed to return the favor._

 _"_ Look Em!" I hear his voice in the animated voice he uses for Emma and I look up to see Christian pointing at me. "There she is!"

"Ana Ana Ana!" She bounces in his arms and tries to lunge for me.

I swallow the tears down and pull her into my arms. "Pumpkin! How did you sleep?"

She pushes my cheeks together and plants a kiss on my lips and I smile at this new thing she started doing a few days ago. She rests her head on my shoulder and I look up at Christian who's eyeing us both. "She worships you"

"You too, Christian. When you're at work it's always C-C this and C-C that" I smile.

"Probably because she knows I'll let her watch Ryder all day" he laughs as he kisses her temple.

"Ry-er?!" Her eyes widen and her eyebrows shoot up. "Ry-er!"

I groan. "Christiannnn" I whine.

He smacks his forehead. "Sorry. Wasn't even thinking"

"No Ry-er?" Her lip juts out and the tears flood her eyes. "Peeease C-C?" Her lip trembles.

"Oh man she's good" I say as I raise an eyebrow at the baby in my arms that clearly has Christian wrapped around her very tiny finger.

He pulls out his phone. "Don't cry, Princess. Here you go" he says pulling out his phone and an old episode of the show she loves. I'm so moved that he saved the show on his phone for her. _He loves her so deeply._ Don't drop it"

"Drop it" she repeats.

"No" he mouths at her giving her a stern look. She furrows her brows and stares at the screen holding it tightly as if she's heeding Christians instructions.

I put my hand under hers and I shoot him a wink. "I got you."

XXXXXXXXXX

I watch the windshield wipers go back and forth as we sit in Elliott's car outside of the church where the service will be held. Elliott offered to drive us, as he didn't think either of us would be in any place to drive. But he left the car when we got here to give the three of us a moment to get ourselves together. Christian turns around from the front to look at me. "You ready?"

I bite my lip as my eyes are drawn to the church. The sky is gloomy and it's begun to drizzle. When I was younger, my father would tell me that rain signified the tears of those we've lost. _Were these Alli and Michael's tears?_ I hear Emma babbling next to me as she continues to hold Christian's phone. "Pumpkin can I have C-C's phone? You can watch Ryder later?"

"No now!" She whines and Christian turns around.

"Emerson, no. Give the phone to Ana"

She furrows her brows together and turns to me. "Ana" her eyes water and I pull her out of her car seat. I cradle her to my chest and rub her back.

"Later okay?" I pull the phone gently from her and hand it to Christian before slipping her pacifier into her mouth. I see Christian exit the car and soon my door is open and a hand is being held out for me to grab. I hand Emma to him instead and pull myself out of the car. He's holding the umbrella with one hand and Emma in the other so I reach for Emma. She tightens her grip on Christian to keep me from taking her as she sees all of the people standing outside of the church and probably feels he can protect her more than I can from all the strange people. "Don't let them pass her around. It will just upset her" I say as we start walking towards them. We reach the crowd and I've only met her a few times but I recognize Christians mother who approaches us immediately.

"Darling" she kisses his cheek and turns to me. "Ana." She hugs me and rubs my back gently. How are you holding up?"

"Okay" I say quietly. "Thank you"

She dabs at the tears forming in her eyes. "Michael was like my third son... I have no words... he was so good to Christian when the kids were so cruel." She sniffles. "And Alli was just a doll. This is all so tragic." She reaches for Emma when Christian steps back slightly.

"Mom not now. We want to keep her settled"

"Oh, I see. Yes of course" she places a kiss on Emma's cheek and moves into her line of sight. "Hi angel, do you remember me? Grandma Grace?" My brows furrow slightly wondering why she would call herself that when I remember Michael never met his mother. And boy did he have a slew of mommy issues because of it. Grace was the closest thing Michael had to a mother.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We walk down the aisle as the procession music plays and I feel my legs start to wobble as I see two caskets at the front of the church. _Left foot, right foot, left foot_. I chant in my head to keep myself moving forward. I'm so thankful Christian has Emma as I'm not sure I have the energy to keep myself upright let alone while carrying a squirming infant. We move to the front and I wonder who's going to sit in the front row which says "Reserved" when we are ushered past the velvet ropes and sat in those very seats. _We were Michael and Alli's family._.. We sit down and I look to the right making eye contact with Alli's mother who reeks of alcohol and her father. They both have stoic, impassive looks on their faces. When the alcoholism took its toll on Alli's mother and their entire family, her and Alli's father divorced but remained somewhat amicable.

"Ms. Stone?" I say referring to her by Alli's maiden name. It's almost as if she doesn't hear me or realize I'm even speaking. I touch her hand gently and rub it. "Ms. Stone?"

She finally turns to look at me and I see the realization cross her face when she recognizes me. "Ana... hi sweetheart." She pauses for a moment. "Oh Emma..." she says looking past me and seeing Emma who's playing with Christian's tie at the moment.

I look at Emma and hold my arms out for her to see if she will come willingly and she does climbing into my lap in an instant. _Such a carefree, lovable, happy baby._ I kiss her head and turn her attention to Alli's mother, her grandmother. "Pumpkin, can you say hi for me" I gently pull her pacifier out and she calls out.

" Hi!" Christian and I share a chuckle when I feel Christians breath close to my face as he leans in to tell Emma to "shhh." If she even knows what that means. I bite the inside of my jaw as I try and calm the sensation of Christian so close. Ana you've got to snap out of this. You can't use Christian to grieve. I roll my eyes to the heavens when I think about Will Ferrell's character in "Wedding Crashers" who said death was the most powerful aphrodisiac. _Was there some truth to that? Was it my grief and sadness that has me thinking about mounting Christian in our kitchen? Or was it more?_ I'm pulled from my wicked thoughts about Christian by Alli's mother.

"We got copies of the will and testament" I nod fearing the worst and all I can do is pray that she at least has the decency to wait until after we bury their daughter to tell us she's contesting it. _Not that she'd win_. She's an alcoholic and the will is clear on that. No one would grant her custody of an infant. "We aren't going to fight you." I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and she smiles at my relief. "I know how much you love Emma... it's what Alli would want. It's for the best. We wouldn't be able to give her the best life possible. You are young and happy and you and your husband will give her a wonderful life."

"Oh he's not my husband" I say turning to look at Christian before turning back and feeling a spike in my heart rate as I have a flash of kissing him in a gorgeous white dress.

"Oh well boyfriend then, that's okay too"

"I-" I'm interrupted by Christian's voice.

"We are glad you agree Ms Stone. We will take care of Emma. And we do hope you come visit her"

"Of course I will... we both will."

I pull my gaze away from Ms. Stone to look at Christian with a confused expression. "I know being my girlfriend isn't ideal for you" he chuckles "but do you want them to start inquiring about how we will make it work? Not being married.. living in that house.. just like as roommates? If we can keep everyone at bay until we start to proceed with adoption it'll be fine"

"So you're completely on board with adoption then?" I say giving him a small smile.

"I was the moment we left CPS.. I thought that was the deal. According to you"

"It was.. but I wasn't sure if you were going to change my mind. Or what the upcoming months would bring. Maybe you'd grow to hate me even more" I joke.

His eyes narrow. "I'm not going anywhere Ana"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Michael and Alli had hefty life insurance policies that was able to cover the majority of the funeral arrangements and what wasn't covered, Christian's parents took care of. Christian and I offered but Grace and Carrick wouldn't hear of it, ensuring us that we were doing more than enough at the moment and had enough on our plates. I helped with some of the planning, such as the flowers and the food that would be served at the repast but Grace took care of everything for the most part. As we all knew, Michael and Alli didn't have a lot of family between them. A wealth of friends yes but not a ton of family. And Christian and I were the only friends they had that they considered family, obviously. So when the church asked if either of us wanted to say something, Alli's parents and some of her cousins pushed, knowing that we knew them better than anyone. Christian was against it from the start saying he didn't know what to say and that he wasn't going to speak about Michael to a bunch of strangers. Michael knew how he felt and that was enough. But I knew the truth, he knew if he went up there, he'd lose it. He would break down and he didn't want anyone to see that. I hadn't even witnessed it and I've been living with him. So I agreed, I knew I would cry and I was okay with it. I wanted it. I needed it. Needed to hear my voice out loud say the words. So as I hear my name I give a quick kiss to Emma and make my way to the podium preparing myself for this final goodbye to my best friend in the world. As I look out into the sea of people I can hear Alli's voice in my head. Can you believe all these people here? I didn't even like half of them. I can see and hear her as well as I can see and hear Emma calling from me from her seat.

"I won't bore you all on the details of how Alli and I met, college roommates, best friends, sisters. We were it all. We were both only children and when we met it was instant how much we needed each other. I always wanted a sister. But when I met Alli I realized she was the sister I needed. I always say she came to me at a point in my life when I needed her most although I didn't know it at the time. She was my person. The first person I called when things were right.. when things were wrong. She peeled me off my kitchen floor when I hit rock bottom and not with drinks or ice cream or a night out which are all wonderful. But with laying down on the floor next to me. She held my hand and told me it would be okay and that we would get up when I was ready. We would get up. When I finally did, she hugged me for what felt like a full hour and then we played Scrabble. Because she knew even at rock bottom I never played a game of Scrabble and didn't give it my all. Naturally I won." I shrug and the audience chuckles. "She was the first person to push me to open my bakery, offering support in every way possible. Emotional, financial, physical. She even enlisted Michael's help when I was finally moving everything in. For the first weekend I was open, Michael and Alli worked around the clock with me. That's the kind of person Alli was. That's the kind of people they both were." I look at the caskets next to me which are both open but I haven't dared to look inside. "Michael Northington" I smile. "I can't say that name without smiling because for a good four weeks that's all I heard about. She was literally dancing around our apartment, drawing his name on her memos at work in love. I had never seen Alli so happy. Never saw her without a smile on her face. He always always always put Alli- and Emma first. They were his world. You could see the way he looked at them. He would have done anything for them and he treated Alli with the utmost respect. They had the kind of relationship you aspire to have. So much love and devotion and commitment... I'm unbelievably happy I got a front row seat to watch their love grow. Because it's not one you see but once- maybe twice in a lifetime. I could go on for hours about these two people that I was lucky enough to call my friends but I won't. Because they knew. I called, I texted, emailed, showed up at their house on a whim to babysit so they could have spontaneous date nights. I loved them and they knew it. So I urge you all, tell your people you love them while they're here. Call your parents, call your friends. The friends that feel like family? The family you've made for yourself? Love them. Hard. There's a reason they're in your life and they haven't left. Let them know you love them, you miss them. Go get coffee with them, go get drunk with them. Hell send them a funny meme because it reminds you of them. Those are the things that matter. People are what matter. Don't ever take them for granted because in an instant things can change." I look to the two caskets next to me as I feel the tears start to slide down my face. "Alli, Michael, I love you. And don't worry about Emma. See you later" I manage to get myself down the stairs and back to my seat when I feel his eyes on me. I turn my head and meet his watery eyes.

"That was really good." He clears his throat. "Well said"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We are at the grave site and they are side by side over two open graves. Christian has a vice grip on my hand as someone sings "Hallelujah" in the background. The song always pushes me to tears and before I know it I feel a hand slipping out of mine and pulling me to a broad chest. I'm aware he's still holding Emma and that now his arms are wrapped around us both. I close my eyes feeling safe for the first time in forever. When I open my eyes Emma is slightly under my hat with me and her eyes are staring into mine. She puts her hand on my cheek and whispers. "Ana sad?"

I touch her tiny hand that is still on my cheek and pucker my lips for her to give me a kiss. She does so instantly before reaching for me. Christian is substantially taller than me so he's probably confused at what's going on under my hat as Emma moves into my arms. I begin to walk away from the grave site with just her in my arms. I feel like I've gotten far enough way when I drop to my knees not caring about the mud getting on my pantyhose. "Emma, pumpkin. Do you know how much I love you"

"Love you" she repeats back.

"I love you so much" I kiss her cheek. "And C-C and I will take such good care of you okay?"

"Okay"

"Emma.. do you remember your mommy and daddy?"

She points at me. "Ana"

"Yes I'm Ana.. but.. mommy and daddy?"

She looks at me curiously and I wonder if already she's slowly forgetting them. It's only been a week but I wonder since Christian and I have always been around she associated us as secondary parents as well. I begin to hum the familiar song that Alli used to sing to her before I start singing.

 _And then a hero comes along_

 _With the strength to carry on_

 _And you cast your fears aside_

 _And you know you can survive_

 _So when you feel like hope is gone_

 _Look inside you where it's strong_

 _And you'll finally see the truth_

 _That a hero lies in you_

Her eyes water and she wraps her tiny arms around my neck. "Mommy" she whispers and I pull back to look at her.

"Mommy... isn't coming back, angel."

"No mommy?"

I shake my head. "No pumpkin"

"Daddy?"

"No daddy... just Ana and C-C"

Her lip trembles and I wonder if she understands what I'm saying. "C-C?"

"I'm here princess" I feel his presence next to me.

"Sorry I know this wasn't the plan-" I say softly when he puts a finger to my lips.

"It's okay. I'm glad you did this."

I nod and I look behind us and see that I hadn't gotten too far after all as people are staring at us. "How much attention did I attract?"

"Who cares. You're doing what you need to do for Emma. She's all that matters right now"

"C-C? No mommy daddy?"

"No princess, I'm sorry" and I see the tears forming his eyes.

I don't know what she's thinking, what she's comprehending or what she needs right now. "Ana C-C no go?"

"No we aren't going anywhere, angel." I say to her as I rub her back.

"Paci?"

I pull the paci that I wrapped in a napkin out of my purse and place it in her mouth. She reaches for Christian again and he pulls her into his arms before standing up. He helps me to my feet as we stay where we are until the burial service is over. _Maybe I'm being childish for not wanting to see two of my favorite people get lowered into the ground but I didn't. And I didn't want Emma seeing that either. Some of your first memories as a child shouldn't be seeing your parents caskets get lowered into the ground. Hell, I'm 25 and I don't want that in my memory._

XXXXXXXXXXXX

The last of the remaining extended family leave our house after the repast leaving Christian's parents, Elliott, Mia and my parents. I expected Alli's mom to stay but we had plenty of alcohol and she couldn't help herself. So after a few hours, she was hammered. Once we realized she needed to go home, Christian drove her home in my car. She was going to take an Uber but Christian wouldn't hear of it. _Maybe I misjudged him_. Alli's father left shortly after as it was getting late. We put Emma to bed and now we are seated around the living room with six pairs of eyes on us.

"So you're going to do this?" Christians father, Carrick speaks up first. "Raise their daughter?"

"At some point she'll become your daughter" Grace interjects.

"Yes mother, I am fully aware of how adoption works." He says rolling his eyes and I have to resist the chuckle that wants to escape.

"I'm serious" Grace says.

"So are we. We love that little baby. We only want what's best for her. And that's me and Ana. We are what's best for her"

"But you're not together.. you'll what.. co-parent?"

"People do it literally everyday. Whether or not we are together has nothing to do with our ability to be good parents to Emma" Christian says.

"I just mean... I don't want you to think there aren't other options"

"There aren't." I speak up. "I would have done anything in the world for Alli. I owe her a lot. I owe her this. But let's say for argument sake that I didn't feel this deep obligation to honor her wishes I would still want to do it. I never felt obligated to love Emma. I fell in love with her the moment I laid eyes on her. I've always had a connection with her. I'm not going to let her go to the system or.. to an alcoholic grandmother? With all due respect, hell no."

"Maybe other options? Carrick and I could-"

"No." Christian says immediately.

"You could see her whenever you want, we are just trying to help!"

"I know you are and that's so sweet, and maybe we will take you up on babysitting but no. Emma... she is ours. And I don't need to sign anything to prove that." I say.

"It is truly admirable what you're doing" my father says. "Its selfless and wonderful but... you're sure you want this? Ana I know you want to get married and have children of your own, do you want this added complication?"

"Emma isn't a complication. I'll have a daughter that I love with all my heart and if he can't accept that then I shouldn't be marrying him anyway. I appreciate everyone's concerns and opinions. But this isn't up for discussion.. we aren't taking a vote. This is a decision we made as adults. We want your support and probably even some guidance but we don't need either. You're with us or you're not"

"I'm with you" Elliott says immediately.

"Me too" Mia perks up. "I'm so excited to have a niece"

My parents speak up next. "Ana we are behind you one hundred percent. You know we are. Always have, always will be. And that's what being a good parent is all about. Call it your first lesson" my father smiles and I'm immediately out of my chair and in his arms.

"Thanks dad" My mom grabs me next.

"I am so proud of you, Ana. Emma is so lucky to have you" she says putting her arms around me and squeezing me tight. "I love you"

"I love you too mom, thank you."

"When you need a lawyer to handle the adoption, you know where to find me" Carrick smiles giving Christian a hug before pulling me into one as well.

"I'm always free to babysit you know that" Grace says holding me tightly before placing a kiss on my forehead. "They're both lucky to have you" she whispers in my ear and my eyes widen at the implication when she pulls back and shoots me a wink.

XXXXXXXXXX

Everyone is gone and I'm trying to clean up the kitchen when I hear a glass shattering. My eyes widen a little before I'm on the move towards the source of the noise. I move towards the small den and see Christian on his knees, his shoulders moving up and down. I see a brown liquid moving down the wall and ice and glass on the ground under it. I drop to the floor next to him and put my arms around him resting my head on his back. "It's okay, just let it out"

"This sucks so fucking much. What the fuck!? They were good people, they would never hurt anyone! They shouldn't be dead, Ana. They shouldn't be"

"I know. It's so unfair" I say the tears flowing freely from my eyes.

"They loved Emma so much. And they're not going to get to see her grow. Oh my God, my little princess"

"She has us... we will take care of her."

"What if I fuck it up?" He finally looks up at me and the tears moving down his face breaks my heart. He's been so strong for me and Emma. Seeing him like this guts me.

"You won't. You'll be a wonderful father, Christian. Emma already loves you so much. You're C-C! You're perfect" I say with a smile trying my best to cheer him up.

He snorts. "I wish"

"Christian, Michael would be so proud of you. He was so proud of you. It's why he wants you to raise his daughter. Why he trusted you to raise his daughter."

"Don't... don't let me mess up"

I smile at his drunken choice of words and I nod. "I won't I promise."

"At any of it"

My brows furrow together as I wonder what he means. _There's more he's worried about failing at?_ "Any of what?"

"Just... promise me"

"Okay, I promise" I say as we sit on the floor of our best friends house wondering what in the world we are going to do without them.


	5. He Has the Feels

CPOV

I'm awoken by the incessant buzzing of my cellphone against the wooden nightstand next to my bed. I move my head and slowly open my eyes as I stare at the source of the noise. I let my eyes close again before blindly reaching for the phone and switching it to silent. Whoever's on the phone can wait. I throw an arm over my eyes as I try to enjoy the silence when I hear a sigh next to me. It sounds so sweet and lovely but at the same time so sensual that I feel my cock twitch slightly. Now whether it be from the usual case of morning wood or due to the fact that it seems I have a bed visitor, I am not sure. I turn my head to the left to see Ana sleeping soundly. Her hair splayed out all over my pillow no doubt leaving the smell of her coconut shampoo all over it and her two hands pushed together as if she's praying, underneath her cheek. _She looks so peaceful and beautiful. But… what is she doing here?_ My mind is drawn to yesterday. One of the worst days of my life. The day we buried our friends. After I broke down in the den, Ana stayed on the floor with me for hours. We sat in silence for the majority of the time, me trying to get myself together to face what has happened. I felt like as long as I was on the floor, I didn't have to deal with the pain. But I knew I had to. Finally, she helped me off the floor and we came upstairs to my room. We both wanted to be closer to Emma, and after hours of talking we must have fallen asleep. Despite my morning arousal, there is nothing sexual about our state now. Ana is in sweatpants and a t-shirt and I'm in similar garb but I can't mistake the tent forming in my pants as I watch her chest rise up and down. As much as I want to stay and stare at the woman in my bed, I feel the walls of my bedroom closing in and I desperately need air. I grab some clothes for my morning jog and slip out of the room quietly. I change quickly, shedding all of my clothes within seconds before changing into sweats. I feel like the seasons changed overnight- _much like my life_ and now it's unbelievably cold in the mornings. I check on a sleeping Emma, placing a kiss on her forehead before I'm out the door and running through the neighborhood. My feet are hitting the pavement hard as I pass house after house. I see a few people getting into their cars for work, some outside grabbing their papers, others walking their dogs. I try to ignore them all. _This isn't my life. This can't be my life._

"Howdy neighbor!" I hear called out to me from a house with a white picket fence and a two car garage with a mini-van parked outside of it and I groan before throwing a hand up to wave. _Fucking suburbia._ I close my eyes as I feel the familiar burn start in my lungs, I push myself harder welcoming the feeling. _I can't believe I broke down in front of Ana like that. No one has seen me cry in… years. Not since I was a kid. Not even Michael. You just couldn't keep it together until you were alone. And the way she looked at me… it wasn't necessarily pity. It was something I can't quite place. I'm never that vulnerable with anyone, least of all a woman… and definitely not Ana. This shit was so much easier to navigate when I called her Steele. I'm calling her Ana and we're raising a baby and she's sleeping in my bed? Fuck, I need to nip all this shit in the bud now. No no no. You can not fuck Steele. Definitely not Steele._ My body doesn't seem to be on the same page as my brain because as soon as her face flashed through my head I feel a spark somewhere below the hem of my pants. _Shit._

I open the door, walking through the house towards the kitchen as I come down from the high of my run and back to my resting heart rate. The smell of cinnamon invades my nostrils and I sigh to myself knowing that I can't avoid Ana right now. And more importantly I don't want to avoid whatever she's making. I move into the kitchen and see Ana up on the counter on her knees reaching for something up high. I immediately want to stand behind her in case she loses her balance but my plan is put on hold when I hear a screeching noise.

"C-C!" Emma slams her hand down on her tray connected to her high chair. "C-C, C-C, C-C, UP!" She reaches her hands in the air and I smile before making my way over to her.

I see Ana look over her shoulder before hopping off the counter.

"There you are, I was wondering where you went" Ana says giving me a smile. "How are you this morning?" And I can't escape the worried look she's giving me.

"I'm fine. Just went for a run" I say tersely.

"You could have woken me, I didn't mean to fall asleep last night" she says and I notice the pink creeping onto her cheeks.

"Don't worry about it" I say before giving Emma a loud kiss on her cheek. "Good morning, princess. How did you sleep?"

"Seeep?" She repeats. "C-C" she opens and closes her hands a few times and looks up into my eyes.

"Ana is making you something, okay? Soon?"

"Soon?"

"Yes, princess" I kiss her cheek before trying to put her down. She begins to kick her legs rapidly and I take it to mean she doesn't want to get down yet. "You don't want in?"

"No in!"

"She woke up this morning asking for you… she probably wants to play" Ana says her back to me as she continues to prepare what looks and smells like French Toast.

"Princess, no play today"

"No play?" She asks her eyes watering. She wraps her arms around my neck. "C-C peeeease"

Ana moves towards us and strokes Emma's cheek as she lays her head on my shoulder. "Pumpkin open your mouth" She opens her mouth to demonstrate what she wants Emma to do and she lifts her head and mirrors her. "She was a little fussy when she woke up, I think she's getting another tooth." She says cupping her jaw gently to make Emma's lips purse a little and showing me inside of her mouth. "Pumpkin does it hurt"

"No hurt" she says trying to stick her fingers in her mouth as if she could see what Ana was looking at.

She holds a small piece of banana out for her and she leans forward and grabs it from between Ana's fingers. Her eyes light up and she nods her head.

"Good?" Ana giggles and I could swear the sound reverberates through my entire body.

"Good!" Emma repeats. As I'm watching these two interact up close I'm starting to feel that familiar feeling of anxiety again and suddenly the room is too small and I feel like I can't breathe. _How is this my life?_ I space out momentarily and when I return to the moment, Emma and Ana are both staring at me.

"Are you okay?" Ana asks cocking her head to the side. She places her hand on my arm and I look at where she's touching me before into her eyes. They are so filled with concern and although I know she means well I can't help the irritation that enters my voice.

"Yeah.. I have to get ready for work" I say handing Emma to Ana as I start to leave the room.

"C-C No!" Emma calls after him.

I hear Ana try to calm her but I can't think about anything except getting out of that room, away from those piercing blue eyes, from both of the girls in the room. _I can't believe I just walked away from Emma, but Ana did say we couldn't give into her every time. I just feel like a dick for doing it like that._

An hour later, I'm heading out when I hear Emma from her playpen. "C-C!" I smile and move towards her giving her a kiss.

"You be good for Ana, okay?"

"Anaanananana" she says over and over and I wince, as I didn't want to see her before I left. Right on cue Ana comes into the room, wiping her hands on a dishtowel.

"Hey, I saved you some French Toast. I figured you didn't have time to eat it here, but you can take it with you" she says handing me a piece of tupperware and a small covered dish on top. "The small bowl has the syrup. Let me know if you think it's too sweet?" She says and my eyes narrow questioningly. "You thought I use store bought syrup? Oh Grey, you wound me" she giggles putting a hand across her chest. "New recipe I found, but they were calling for like hardly any brown sugar so I had to up the ingredients." She blanches and I stare at her wondering if there was anything in this world she couldn't make. I put Emma down so she can hand me the items and she smiles at me. When I don't return the smile, hers fades and I feel like a colossal asshole for making her feel the small level of rejection. "Christian are you okay?"

"Yep, fine. Thank you for breakfast. I gotta run"

She nods. "Okay" she follows me towards the door and I turn around to face her.

"What?" And even I can hear the irritation in my voice.

"I…" she trails off. "Are you mad at me or something?" She asks, her voice quiet and timid. A serious contrast to her confident, feisty self.

"No." I say adding no other explanation for my behavior. I feel like the biggest asshole right now and all I want to do is wrap her in a hug and tell her that I'm sorry and to just give me some space right now but I don't. I see the exact moment her demeanor changes and all of the progress we've made over the past week being erased. The walls are going back up and the mask is back over her eyes. Her eyebrows furrow together and her lips purse together in a smirk.

"Alright then. Have a nice day then" she says sarcasm laced through every word. She walks away from me without another glance before picking up Emma and moving out of my line of sight.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

My day was awful. Long, hard, tiresome. My morning with Ana put me in a terrible mood that I couldn't shake all day. I was moody, tense, and an all around dick. Not that that's unusual, but at least usually I'm a bit more humorous about it. By noon everyone knew to stay clear of me. I hadn't heard a peep out of Ana all day. Usually we'll FaceTime once or twice if I have time so that I can talk to Emma, but today, nothing. I guess I could have called her, but a part of me wondered if she'd even answer. _Why was I being such a dick to Ana anyway? Because this is all starting to get too real? Because I cried in front of her? Because I can't even look at my dick anymore without picturing her mouth wrapped around it? And how is any of that her fault? I need to apologize for my behavior this morning. I need to make this right. I need her to know that this is my shit and that she didn't do anything wrong. I behaved like an asshole._ I'm getting up from my desk when the door to my office opens and Jeff moves through my door closing it behind him indicating that he plans to stay longer than the thirty seconds I was hoping.

He sits in the chair across from my desk and crosses his arms. "What's going on, son?"

"Nothing" I shrug, before shaking my head back and forth.

"Bullshit, you weren't here today. Which… I told you we didn't need you. You just buried your friend. Take some time off to grieve, Christian. Whatever you need, I told you that."

"I didn't… I don't need time. I need to get my mind off of it. I need to move on" I say and even as I'm saying the words I don't believe them. _My mind is still scattered all over the walls of that den. I might have moved off the floor, but my mind is still there. Reeling._

"I can understand that, Christian but… your mind isn't here either. You were all over the place out there. And jumpy and tense and… I can't have that in a director in a live damn game. You're like the son I never had but-"

"Jeff you _have_ a son"

"Don't interrupt me." He says before giving me a small smile. "If it were anyone else I would chew their ass out, but… you mean alot to me kid so I'm only going to tell you this once. Do not show your face at this studio for the next week. Do you understand me?"

"Jeff-"

"Do. You. Understand. Me?"

I sigh and rub my head. "Yeah"

"Good, go home, take care of yourself. You need a vacation anyway."

"A vacation? I wouldn't exactly call this relaxing"

"Bereavement pay is less money than vacation pay… and we both know you're not going to use all of your vacation anyway" he says shooting me a look before heading out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

When I walk through the front door, I'm immediately hit with the smell of vanilla. _Fuck, this woman is going to make me fat._ I make my way through the house and see that Emma's playpen has been moved into the area right next to the kitchen and that she's passed out cold. I see Ana, her hair up in a high messy ponytail, flour spread across her right cheek, thoroughly beating her batter. I smile as I take in her appearance. "What are you making?" I ask, my pathetic attempt at small talk after how I treated her earlier.

She stops stirring and looks up at me her eyes cold. "Cupcakes" she says before going back to stirring.

"What kind?"

"Chocolate."

I move across the room and lean against the counter. "Icing?"

She stops again and sighs, letting the wooden spoon hit the bowl. "Chocolate ganache"

 _Two words, okay we're getting somewhere. Time to push a little harder._ "You know a professional baker like you I'm surprised you don't have one of those fancy mixers" I say pointing at the fact that she is mixing by hand.

She puts her hands on her hips. "I have three actually and one hand mixer. But I needed to get my frustrations out. And beating by hand allows me to do that."

I nod. _Because of me, I imagine._ "Because of me?" _No sense in hiding my emotions, we need to get our cards out on the table._ She continues to aggressively stir her batter, but stays quiet. "Ana, I'm sorry about this morning." There's silence between us and I'm desperate for her to say something. _Yell at me, tell me to go to hell something._ "Ana say something"

She stops. "Like what?"

"Like… you forgive me? You hate me? Something?"

"I forgive you. I hate you. Happy?"

I sigh as I drop to the chair at the bar and look at her. "Ana" I say holding my hand out to her. "Come here"

"No" she says not looking up at me.

"How long have you been doing that?" I say narrowing my eyes at her.

"An hour"

"And it's not ready?"

"I'm still pissed"

"What can I do?"

"Nothing"

I get up and move around the counter towards her and she backs up. "No don't come near me, Christian"

"I'm sorry… I just…"

"Just what? What did I do except be there for you? What happened between us falling asleep last night and waking up? Did I do something horrible to you in my sleep? I'm sorry if I did!" Her eyes well up with tears and I feel my heart sink. "I thought… I thought after yesterday and the past week we were okay.. We were friends! Or something close! I didn't think you hated me. I certainly didn't hate you. But this morning… it was just like it has always been between us" She looks down putting her palms flat on the counter and looking down. "I hated it." She looks up at me with tears in her eyes. "I don't want it to be like that between us." I take a few steps closing the distance between us when her next words stop me from moving further. "For Emma" she says. I was seconds from taking her into my arms, and doing what I have no idea. But now I'm wary about touching her.

"Emma" I repeat. _Not because… you feel something different?_

"Yes, I want her parents to get along. I don't want us to go back to how we were. That's not good for her"

"No.. I can't imagine it will be, especially as Emma gets older."

She's silent for a second as she lifts the bowl, pouring the batter into the cups of the muffin pan. "Did I do something?"

"No, Ana. You didn't. That was my shit this morning"

"Was it because I fell asleep in your bed? I swear I didn't mean to… I wasn't trying… I just mean I didn't mean to invade your space like that"

"No, it wasn't that"

"Then what?" She says sitting the bowl down and looking at me.

I'm silent for a second before I sigh. "This morning I just realized that… I don't know Ana." I say rubbing the back of my neck. "I haven't cried in front of anyone.. Maybe ever. My parents. And I sobbed like a baby yesterday. And I guess a part of me hates that you saw me like that. Hate that you saw me so vulnerable. I've never let anyone… and then you.. I guess I thought you'd see me as weak."

"Your best friend…" she starts before clearing her throat to allude to what she's trying to say. "Christian crying is a natural part of the grieving process. I still think you're a tough guy" she smiles. "And still a huge asshole"

I move closer to her and pull her hands into mine and look into her eyes. "I'm sorry"

She narrows her eyes slightly before letting out a sigh. "Do you want to lick it?" She asks before turning back to her cupcakes and my eyes widen at her insinuation. _Is it that obvious? Lick what exactly? I mean I can think of a few things I wouldn't mind licking… her p-_ My dirty thoughts about licking her from head to toe are silenced when she hands me the spoon covered in chocolate. "Here" she says before turning away from me again and moving towards Emma's playpen. Maybe I was the only one who thought she meant something else. _Of course she meant the spoon… why would she be asking to lick her_. She picks up Emma and starts to walk out of the room. "What else could I have meant?" She smirks at me before giving me a small smile. "I'll be back before the timer goes off" she says and with that she's gone. She's back about ten minutes later and sets the monitor on the table.

"She wake up?"

"For like a brief moment and then went right back to sleep"

"What did you guys do today?" I ask as I pull a beer out of the refrigerator. I need something to calm my racing heart. _Is it hot in here?_

"Watched TV, went to the park, took a nap, had lunch, went to the grocery store, I read to her a little. She really loves that goddamn Sam, doesn't she?" She says as she runs a finger over the side of the bowl before putting it between her lips. _Stop it Ana. I mean it before I bend you over the dining room table._

"You didn't FaceTime me"

"I didn't think you'd want to"

"I always want to see Emma"

She nods. "Noted. You could have FaceTimed us"

"I didn't think you'd answer"

"I'd never stop you from seeing Emma. Regardless of where we stand" she says and I wonder what made her use those choice of words. The silence washes over us as I think about where Ana and I will be in a month's time, a years time, five years time. _Will we be still living in this house? Will we be more than roommates? What if she meets someone? Would Emma live with her full time? I don't want to think about not seeing Emma everyday… or Ana. Shit, things are getting too fucking complicated._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"Christian you seriously need to get a car" Ana says as she feeds Emma one evening. It's been a few weeks since the funeral and Ana and I really have a good thing going. We stay on schedule, we get along and Emma is happy. I've kept my hormones at bay and I can successfully say she's only been the star of my fantasy while I masterbate twice . Two _very long_ fantasies. _I know it's going down a slippery slope even fantasizing about it but I can't stop the wayward thoughts. Every time I see her in the morning when she's still in between sleep and awake as she's making us coffee, I think about kissing her senseless. Or right before she goes to bed, her hair up, completely void of makeup I'm thinking about pulling off her t-shirt and shorts off and worshipping her. Even when she goes to work I think about ripping her dress off of her and fucking her against the door. And the way she is with Emma, it's exactly how I would want my wife to be with my daughter. Not that I want Ana as my wife of course. I just mean… she's good with her and she'll make an excellent mother… wait. She's already a mother. I need to stop these thoughts. This is what happens when you go too long without getting laid. Every woman becomes desirable. Maybe if we just do it once? No Christian. No no no. The last thing I need is to jump Ana's bones. I know that it would be unbelievably hot but it would just fuck everything up._

"Christ Ana, can you stop nagging me about it, I will"

"When?"

"When I find the right one"

"Seriously? You know maybe you should just use Alli's car in the meantime." Michael's was totalled in the accident but Alli still had her red Volkswagen Passat sitting in the garage.

"That's a girly car"

"Girly? Mature" she says rolling her eyes. "Then trade it in and get something else. I know you haven't needed to but there might be a time when I'm at work and you need to go somewhere with Emma."

"I know. I will look into it"

"This week" she says.

"Yes mother" I say rolling my eyes.

"Don't call me that" she says screwing her face up in disgust. "I already have one child. I don't need another. And certainly not a grown man. Just get a car we can put Emma in!"

"Emma in!" Emma cheers from the table and raises her arms up towards me. "C-C up!"

"No up, Em you're not done eating" she says moving the spoon towards her mouth.

"Up C-C up!" She says reaching her arms out towards me. She's kicking her legs against the chair and it sounds like she's straining to get up.

"Emma, not yet. Just a few more bites, sit still pumpkin"

"No! Up up!" I go towards her and go to lift her up when Ana puts her hands over mine.

"No, she's not done!"

"She sounds like she's done, Ana"

"No, she hasn't even eaten half. And you can't pick her up every time she asks you're going to spoil her"

"So? I'm fairly aware that I spoil her. That's okay, right princess?" I say looking at her when I reach for her again. Emma raises her arms knowing she's about to get her way when Ana stops me again and Emma frowns before looking at Ana as if to say _What'd you do that for? I was about to be free from this chair!_

"Emma, you need to finish eating"

"No eat, Ana!"

"Please?" She tries to feed her more but Emma won't open her mouth. As a matter of fact she has it closed tightly. She turns her head away from Ana and throws her hand up, swatting Ana away causing the food to go flying off the spoon and onto the floor. Ana sighs and shakes her head.

"C-Ceeeeeeeeeeee" she says dragging out the word.

"I'm trying, princess" he chuckles. "The warden won't let you out!" he chuckles and Ana glares at me before standing up.

"I am not the bad guy here!" Her eyes well up with tears and I immediately feel like shit that it's how she took the joke. "Don't say something like that in front of her she's going to think I'm bad!"

"I don't thiiiiink she knows what a warden is yet? But maybe she's been reading the dictionary during _Paw Patrol_ commercials, I don't know" I shrug.

"I'm serious, Grey" she says putting her hands on her hips

"No you're sleep deprived" I remind her. "You barely got any sleep last night. Actually the past few nights."

"I'm fine"

"You need some sleep"

"I need you to stop giving in to Emma's every demand or we are going to have a terrible two on our hands! She already knows how to manipulate you!"

"She does not" I scoff.

"Oh really? You think she doesn't have you wrapped around her little finger? All it takes is one "C-Ceeeee" she whines and I have to admit she does sound just like Emma, and it's fucking adorable. "And her big blue eyes, and one tremble of her lip which she has now perfected and you melt."

"What can I say I have a soft spot for cute blue eyed ladies" I say and I see her eyes widen slightly before she looks away. I smile at myself for using those words as Ana obviously thought that was a double meaning. _Maybe it was. I do have quite the soft spot for you, Anastasia._

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few days later, Ana, Emma and I are at the grocery store. _I can't believe I am here with them doing this. It's like we are a family and it's so fucking bizarre. Usually Ana and Emma do this alone but she asked if I wanted to tag along today since 'you won't shut the hell up about my orange juice preferences'. And it's true, who drinks orange juice WITH pulp? It's been an ongoing battle. That and where to store the Ketchup. I swear to God if I pull it out of the refrigerator just ONE more goddamn time._ Ana has been gone for a few minutes and I wonder what's keeping her.

"C-C!" Emma says and I lean on the handlebar of the cart to get closer to her cute face.

"Yes princess" I say kissing her nose. She pushes my cheeks together and gives me a kiss on my lips, something that's usually only reserved for Ana and I smile. "You want something" I smirk at her and she giggles.

"C-C cookie!"

"Mmmhmmm is that why I got a kiss?"

"Kiss!" she replies back before opening her hand and closing it. _We really need to get her to start using her words to indicate when she's hungry or wants food instead of the hand signals_.

"Let's find Ana" and I could have sworn she gives me a look as if to say _Aw man, don't bring her over here, I'm trying to get this cookie first!_ We start walking around and I am shocked when I turn the corner in frozen foods and see Ana and a man. The man is standing far too close to her and I wonder if she knows him. I see her laugh and tuck a hair behind her ear and look up at him with a smile. _Holy shit, is she flirting with this guy?_ I decide to make myself known before this shit goes any further. "Ana" I say when I approach them.

The guy narrows his eyes at me in confusion before looking down at Emma who is looking back and forth between Ana and I. "Hey" she smiles. "Christian this is Will. Will this is Christian"

"Oh…" he steps back. _Good, back off my family, fucker._

"OH!" Ana says realizing what he must be thinking. "No he's…" she shoos me away and I hear her tell him that I'm not her boyfriend and that it's complicated but that there are no romantic feelings on either end. This seems to appease the Will fucker as he says that she could tell him more over dinner later. _She's going out with him? What the fuck? What is that about?_

I am fully aware that I've been in a completely shitty mood for the rest of the time at the grocery store and as we are putting the groceries away at home she calls me out on it. "What is your problem, Christian? You're being a grump"

"I am not" I say petulantly.

"Oh? Are you mad about the cookies? I told you to get them! But Christian you know mine will taste better!" _They had freshly baked cookies all packaged up in the front of the store and Ana proceeded to tell me that if I brought anyone else's baked goods home I would be sleeping on the front lawn for the night. She said she was kidding but… I wouldn't put it past her. But that was not what had me in a shitty mood._

"You're going out with that guy? That Will guy?"

She eyes me oddly. "Yeah? Is that a problem?"

"You don't even know him"

"Well yeah… that's what the date is for. To get to know him?"

"You just met him!"

"I am really failing to see your point here. That's the whole point!"

"I just don't think it's a good idea" _You're going to have to do better than that to get her to stay home tonight, Grey. Try harder!_

"Well you know… I don't recall taking a vote" she says as she pulls the eggs out of the bag and puts it in the refrigerator.

"I just… are you going to sleep with him?" I ask and I wonder if she'll answer, and if she does I wonder what it will be. _Please don't sleep with him, please don't sleep with him._

"Wow… I don't think that's any of your business. But I'm also not that kind of woman" she pauses and then looks up in the air. "Okay once upon a time I _may_ have been that kind of a woman a time or two but that takes quite a bit of tequila… or whiskey. Not dinner at seven on a Wednesday. But I don't really know why you're giving me such a hard time. We were barely moved in before you were breaking in the neighbors" she says rolling her eyes and before I can think the words are tumbling out of my mouth.

"I didn't sleep with Charlotte"

Her eyes blink a few times and her mouth drops open before closing it. "Why? She change her mind?" She jokes.

"No." I snort. "Trust me, she didn't" _I hadn't mentioned to Ana that Charlotte came onto me again at the repast after the funeral. That if I needed her for… anything not to hesitate to call. God she just reeked of desperation. And normally that wouldn't bother me but… I wanted more now. I craved something deeper. I wanted more than just someone to fuck. I just didn't know what exactly that was._

"Well, you're free to do whatever you want. As am I." We are finished putting the groceries away at this point so she moves towards the stairs to check on Emma as we put her down for a nap when we got home.

"Ana" I say and she spins around.

"What?"

"I don't think you should go… I don't want you to go"

"Why?" She says raising an eyebrow at me.

"Can't you just respect my wishes? We've been doing so well with that"

"You want me to not go out on a date for no reason other than you just don't want me to? Christian are you insane? I absolutely think we should be mindful of each other's feelings but you're not going to tell me that I can't date. What you don't want me to see any men for eighteen years? Get a grip, Christian." She's silent for a second and then looks at me oddly. "Is there some other reason I shouldn't go on this date?" She says taking a few steps to close the space between us. "A real reason?" Her eyes have gotten softer in the past few seconds and she's so clearly dropped her attitude. _Is she asking what I think she's asking?_

"Like what?"

"I don't know… you tell me?"

"I just…" I run my tongue along my front teeth and shake my head. "No. I just worry that's all."

She nods before taking a small step back and wrapping her arms around herself. It's not cold so I wonder if she's trying to shield herself from me. _I hope not. I won't hurt you. Or hell, maybe I have._ "I'll be fine. I'm a big girl and you have nothing to worry about"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

In the time it took for Ana to leave for her date- Ana didn't want him to pick her up here at the house because she didn't want him to know where she or Emma lived because 'you just never know', in that time I had done something beyond stupid. I proceeded to call Charlotte and ask her to come over. Finding her number was somewhat easy, she had slipped it in my hand after the repast. Thankfully I hadn't already sent the pants I wore to the dry cleaners because the crumpled up piece of paper with ten numbers on it was still there. _Clearly I thought I wasn't going to have any use for it._ But now I did, and within an hour she was at my door with a bottle of wine. I had put Emma to bed, she went down easy enough after crying for Ana for a few minutes. _Me too, kid. I wish she was here too. But maybe Charlotte will do what I need done and it will at very least take the edge off. The pornographic thoughts about Ana have taken a very dangerous turn. They've stopped completely. Now I'm thinking about taking her into my arms and kissing her. I think about watching a movie on the couch with her. I think about teaching Emma to walk, and the inevitable tears in her bright blue eyes that will appear as she sees it happening for the first time. I don't want to believe that I'm falling in love with her. But something tells me I am. And then today… she just accepted that date. And now here I am with Charlotte. All because I can't get a grip on my feelings for her. I know I am so hot and cold with her that I am probably giving her whiplash but why couldn't she just accept that I didn't want her going out with that Frozen Pizza Asshole?_

"You're so quiet" Charlotte says. "Are you okay?"

"Fine" I say, my voice clipped as I take a sip of the wine she brought over.

"I'm glad you called… I didn't think you would." I nod not knowing what to say. _I didn't think I would either._ She places her hand on my thigh and rubs it slightly and I stiffen at her unwelcomed touch. "How is Emma doing?"

I'm about to answer when I hear keys in the door and before I know it, Ana coming is through it. She pulls her hair to the side before locking the door and setting the alarm that's next to the door. She cuts on the light in the foyer and turns her head, her eyes meeting mine. She sees Charlotte and more importantly the placement of her hand and I can see her face fall. "Oh… I…" she shakes her head. "Sorry, don't mind me.." She starts towards the stairs when I get up and catch her arm on the bottom stair.

"What happened to your date? You were gone an hour" I say looking at my watch before looking back up at her.

"I umm… just wasn't feeling it" she shrugs and raises both of her eyebrows to her hairline. She looks past me at Charlotte and then back at me. "Have fun" she says her lips making a straight line as she hurries up the steps.

I move back towards the couch and as soon as I'm there I feel Charlotte move towards me and before I can think she's straddled me. Her face moves towards mine and I back up holding my arms out to stop her. "Stop"

"Isn't this why you called?" She asks biting down on her lower lip and of course it doesn't give me the usual rush as when the woman upstairs does it.

"It was but… yeah I'm sorry Charlotte. This isn't going to happen"

"Because of Ana" she says climbing off of my lap. "You like her"

My eyes are glued to the glass in my hand as I avoid eye contact. "I don't know"

"Well" she says standing up. "I should go then. You let me know if you change your mind?" She smiles and I chuckle.

 _Not likely._ "Sure"

I walk her down the street to her house as it is past nine at this point and when I come back in the house is dark. _I guess Ana thought I'd be out for a while._ I move up the steps taking them two at a time. _I had to talk to Ana and try and figure out what I'm feeling. What she's feeling. Anything._ I'm standing outside of her door and I can't mistake the cries coming out of her. _She's crying over me? Shit. Ana… please don't cry._ I burst through her door and her eyes immediately meet mine.

"Don't you knock!? What the fuck!?" It's not lost on me that she's still in her dress from her date and that she's holding her phone in her hand.

"Sorry… I… I'm so sorry. But… you're crying. Why are you crying? Please not because of me"

"What?" She asks narrowing her eyes at me. "No" she says sadly as she holds her phone out to me. I look at what she's showing me and I see a video of her and Alli from when they had gone on some sort of trip together. They were about to go cliff jumping and it was all about what would happen if they didn't survive it. It was mostly funny but I could see why watching this now would devastate Ana. "I completely forgot I had it. And… I shouldn't have watched it"

"Of course you should. These are memories… just maybe not so soon" I reassure her.

"I keep waiting for it to get easier, for the pain to subside. For it to be fleeting moments throughout the day and not the mind-numbing pain I feel every moment."

"It's still fresh. I feel it too, Ana"

After a few minutes of silence she wipes her face. "What are you doing here anyway? I thought you left?"

"I just walked Charlotte home"

"I didn't mean to interrupt your date"

"You didn't, Ana I-"

"Done with her already? Wow that was quick. Or were you just not expecting me home so soon? Thought you could make me feel guilty for going out on a date but try and squeeze a quickie in while I'm gone?" She gets off her bed and moves out of her bedroom and down the hall to check on Emma. "What a gem" she says as she peaks in the room and shuts the door when she sees she's still asleep.

"Ana… no it wasn't like that"

"What was it like then? Did you know I left the dinner early because of you? I didn't want you to think I didn't care or respect your feelings. There would be other guys and if you were this against it well… I wanted to know why exactly. And I didn't feel some like outstanding connection with him anyway so why jeopardize our friendship for a barely lukewarm date? But what you were going to fuck her on the couch I feed Emma? Were you going to at least take her to your room? Jesus Grey, Alli always said you were a manwhore but I didn't think you'd be that classless." She scoffs. "No wonder Michael said I shouldn't be offended that you acted like such a dick at dinner the night we met… even he knew the kind of guy you were. He just loved you anyway."

I see red hearing her bring up Michael and before I know it I have her shoved hard against the wall. "Don't you fucking go there" I bark at her.

"Ow! Asshole, get off" she pushes me hard and I loosen my grip on her.

"I am going to give you this ONE pass to act like the bitch I know you have deep down in there somewhere because I know you're hurting and you need someone to lash out at. BUT you've had your one time, so I hope it felt good."

"I-"

"I'm talking. You've had your turn. First of all, STEELE, I was jealous. Alright? So god damn jealous I couldn't see straight. I am never going to be okay with you dating ANYONE do you understand? You… and Emma? Yeah.. you belong to me now. And I am not going to be okay with some asshole coming in to play the father role. Come play house with you and Emma? Fuck that. That's my job." I push away from the wall and walk away from her running a hand through my hair. "And you agreed to go on that date with that Will fucker and I was pissed, okay? Pissed. So I invited Charlotte over so I could try and get you out of my head. I thought if I could just stop thinking about you for five fucking seconds I could figure my shit out. But I can't. I can't stop thinking about you, Ana." There's so much more that I want to say but the way Ana is looking at me I wonder if she's even breathing. Her eyes have widened to the size of saucers and her jaw is damn near on the ground. "Say something" I say moving towards her. I put a hand on either side of her head and move in closer. "Anything"

"Like what?" she breathes out. "I mean… I don't know what to say"

"Say what you felt when you saw Charlotte on our couch"

"Fuck you" she says as she furrows her brow. "You knew that would piss me off"

"Why is that?"

"Because…."

"Because why?" I ask. _Come on I know the answer, just say it._ She draws her bottom lip between her teeth and my eyes immediately go to her mouth. My breathing has become erratic as our faces are merely a few inches apart. "Tell me, Ana"

I hear her whimper and then "oh fuck it" before her lips attack mine. I push her hard up against the wall as her hands find my hair and pull hard. I moan at the sensation and she takes it as an invitation to invade my mouth with her tongue. _Fuck, she tastes good. Better than I've been imagining it._ The kiss is urgent, sloppy, wet, sensual. It's all teeth and tongue and at one point I feel her teeth bite down on my bottom lip. I swore she drew blood but I wouldn't care even if she had. I pull away from her mouth when I feel like I need to take a breath, so I take the opportunity to taste her skin. I kiss and lick down her face to her neck, sucking at the area of skin behind her ear. I bite down gently and suck to a point I feel I've made my mark on her. I don't think I've given a hickey in years but when I pull back I see the faint purple markings forming on her neck. _Mine._ "Christian" she moans and I see the lust in her eyes. My lips go back to hers and our tongues tangle for what feels like ages. At one point her legs have wrapped around my waist and I have her pinned to the wall, my hands in her hair. I pull away again and cup my hands around her face.

"What do you want, Anastasia?" I whisper against her mouth before I run my tongue along her bottom lip. Her mouth is slightly open and I see her tongue peek out and run the same trail across her lip that my tongue just made.

"I want you" she whispers. And I rub my nose against hers as a smile creeps onto my face. "But not now" she adds and I look at her in confusion.

"I just… need some time. It's not just me you know. And it's not just you. If this were three years ago, we'd already be in bed together but… there's a little person one room over who doesn't need parents that are complicated. That made a stupid mistake one night and then messed everything up"

"That won't be us"

"I went on a date tonight and you were going to have revenge sex over it. It very well could be" she says raising an eyebrow. "I'm not saying no to this" she adds and I let out a sigh of relief.

"I just… I don't want to be just another girl that drops her pants for you. I don't want to be just a notch in your bedpost… nor do I think I deserve to be treated that way."

"You wouldn't. You're so much more than that… but… I understand what you're saying. Everything we do affects Emma."

"And I don't want to do anything that will affect us getting Emma. We do this and then things don't workout… I don't want us to have this air of hostility around us when we are trying to convince the caseworker that we are the best choice for Emma."

"We could be chasing each other around with knives and we would still be the best fit for Emma. No one loves her more than we do" I let her down and out of my arms and I smile at the gorgeous woman I've just been holding. Her hair is a mess, her lips are swollen and her dress has been hiked up around her waist revealing a small sliver of her light blue underwear. She tries to smooth her dress down when I wrap an arm around her back and slowly down to her butt.

She smiles and presents her mouth to me again which I happily take. "Christian"

"Hmm" I say as I open my mouth and try and coax her tongue out of hers. She backs away.

"You do know that no one could ever take your place in Emma's life"

"What do you mean?"

"You said that you didn't want anyone coming into play this fatherly role. That it was your job. And I just want to say that… you are that person. No one could ever take that away from you. You're… you're Emma's… father" I nod hearing her words loud and clear. _The words hit like a sucker punch in the gut, because although I will be… I'm not. Michael is her father and Michael is dead._ "You know what I mean, right?" She asks, clearly hearing my thoughts.

"Yes… but… what does that mean for you?"

"What about me?"

"I just… If you meet someone… that person will be in Emma's life and-"

She puts a finger over my lip before tracing them lightly. "Can we just cross that bridge when we come to it? I'm good with… this" she says grinning. "For now at least" she winks and I narrow my eyes at her.

"I'm good with this for longer than just 'for now'" I whisper in her ear before dragging my lips down her neck to the masterpiece I've created on her neck with my tongue and teeth. _I think I should add to it._ My mouth is about to make contact for the second time when I hear a whine.

"Anaaaaaa." Silence. "Ana Ana Anaaaaaa!"

"I'm coming, pumpkin!" Ana calls as she looks up at me. "Does C-C want to come too?" She looks at me for a beat and then up towards the ceiling. "You know in my head that didn't sound sexual"

I chuckle before placing a light kiss on her lips. "Oh Ana what am I going to do with you?"

She pulls out of my grasp as she heads towards Emma's room. "I'm sure you'll figure something out"

 **A/N: So REMINDER: CG is a bit of a manwhore (understatement) before Ana which is why he's not as lovey dovey yet and more 'when can I get in Ana's pants?' Why his thoughts are more consumed with fucking her than being with her. And also why there's a little bit of pushback when Ana says she wants to take it slow. Obviously he knows he feels something more but he's still sliiiightly thinking with his D. Its all new to him! He's going to come around though, just you wait!**


	6. One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

**APOV**

My eyes open and I realize that again I'm not in my bedroom. I blink them a few times trying to fully wake up and turn my head to the left to find the most beautiful man staring into me with his piercing grey eyes. His head is propped up on his hand, sporting a delightfully sexy smirk.

I smile. "Hi" I say softly.

"Morning, beautiful" his lips ghost across mine for a moment and that quick, the idea of going back to sleep completely forgotten. "How did you sleep?"

I stretch my limbs, pointing my toes hard towards the bottom of the bed and move closer to him pressing my face against his chest. I inhale deeply smelling his sexy, manly scent. "So good. I'm really a fan of this bed…" I trail off. "Or maybe it's because you're in it"

He pulls my face out of his chest and kisses my nose. "Shower with me"

"What?"

"Shower with me… before Emma wakes up" his eyes are so pleading and wanting that the air leaves my lungs as I try to keep myself from pushing him to his back and forcing him inside of me. _Taking it slow. Taking it slow. Taking it slow._

"She'll be up any minute" I say as I look away, knowing that his eyes could probably wear me down if I gaze into them another second.

"I know you want to take it slow…" _Did I say that outloud?_ "And I think it's a good plan. I'm sorry if I'm pushing too hard" he says into my ear. "If I'm being honest, I'm not used to the pushback. And although you are different than any other woman I've ever pursued, I still find myself wanting to ravage you, Ana." He moves off of me and I sit up in bed as I watch him move around his room.

I'm somewhat speechless both by his admission and by the fact that it's early and I haven't had coffee, so my brain isn't working as quickly as normal. "Where are you going?" I whisper.

"To shower." He winks. "Maybe you won't physically be there, but my head and hand will make do" he smiles as he moves through the door, shutting it behind him. I sit in his bed for a brief moment weighing the pros and cons of sleeping with Christian sooner rather than later. _Are there cons? Okay yes he has a colorful past, but… so do you Ana. And he's not judging you. Probably because he doesn't know much about it… he really does seem like the possessive type._ I hear the water hitting the marble floor of the shower and before I can stop myself, I'm off the bed and inside his bathroom. I catch a brief glimpse at him, but the steam from the shower has already started to fog up the glass obstructing my view from what I imagine to be a work of art. _After grinding myself on him all night, it is safe to assume the man is hung like a horse._ I turn on the water for the sink and grab Christian's toothbrush before applying the minty paste on top. I give myself a wink in the mirror in an effort to gain some confidence to begin this dangerous game before I start to brush my teeth. I've done two strokes over my left bottom teeth when the door to the shower opens. Wide. "Can I help you?" He asks and I resist the urge to look at him, knowing what I would see.

I shake my head back and forth as I continue to look at myself in the mirror to avoid looking at the wet, hard muscle that is undoubtedly staring at me from inside the shower. I lean forward to spit. "Nope. I'm good"

"Are you using my toothbrush?" He asks and I look at him, my eyes never leaving his. _Don't look. Don't look. Do. Not. Look._

I pull his toothbrush out of my mouth to inspect it as if I'm not sure. "Oh… I guess I am" I shrug as I put it back in. "Do you mind?"

He chuckles before running a hand through his wet hair. "You're trying to kill me woman."

I spit again before standing up and looking at him. "No I'm not" I walk a few steps towards him and he takes a step back into the shower probably assuming that I am about to get in with him. I shake my head before raking my eyes up and down his body, twice. The water is running down his body in what seems to be slow motion. Running over every ridge of his abs, every muscle, every bulge. It's taking everything out of me not to catch the water moving town his chest with my tongue. Or even better the water rolling down his rock hard cock. I have to coach myself not to pass out from what I've seen. I run my tongue across my bottom lip and he groans. I tap his toothbrush against my mouth and I smile. "I'm going to go start breakfast"

"Anastasia" he says his voice deep and hoarse.

I put his toothbrush back in his holder before moving out of the bathroom without another glance at the perfect specimen, I've left hanging in the shower.

I'm preparing Emma's oatmeal when I feel a hand brushing down my back. It's such an innocent touch but it sets my whole skin on fire. "Excuse me" he whispers as he reaches over my head to grab a mug from the cabinet. I continue stirring her oatmeal when I feel his presence directly behind me. "I'm leaving soon" he says as he boxes me in against the cabinet, his arms on either side of me. "You girls have fun today" I feel his mouth at my ear so I turn around in his arms and smile up at him trying to break the sensual haze we are in.

"I know what you're doing" I say narrowing my eyes at him.

"What am I doing?" He asks as he rubs my upper arms, his thumb making gentle circles which has a direct line to my core. _This isn't even one of my spots! How is it that everywhere Christian touches turns me on?_

"Trying to test my self control" I say as I look to Emma who is staring at us with a goofy smile on her face. _Can she see it too? Does she know what's happening between C-C and Ana?_

"Is it working?" He leans down and brushes his lips across my cheek and finds my earlobe and nibbling it gently right above the tiny diamond stud that I always wear.

I grip his biceps to keep myself upright and pull away from his mouth and shake my head. "Christian" I give him a look that I hope relays to him that I need more time. He takes a step back and I'm equal parts disappointed and elated for the distance. He gives me a small smile before moving towards Emma.

"You be good for Ana, okay?"

"C-C!" She chants before wrapping her arms tightly around his neck. "Love C-C"

"Love you, princess" he says kissing her cheek and I feel like I could melt watching him with Emma. _This man wants to be there for Emma… and for you. Don't fight him._ I'm having the internal battle in my head about whether I should give him something when I hear him call out to me that he's leaving. I realize he's no longer in the room and I run after him.

"Wait!" I say as he reaches for the door. Before I can think I have him pushed against it. I plant my lips to his and let my tongue explore his mouth, sighing when I meet his. My hand makes it's way in between us and I give the steel rod that I got a glimpse of this morning a gentle squeeze and I feel him grow immediately. I smile against his lips as I reach for his belt and unbuckle it.

"Ana… now?" He says and I shake my head indicating that this wasn't going to happen in entirety now. _But there was something to be said for building the anticipation. Whatever happen to exploring the stages of sex slowly? Who said we had to fuck the first time we got naked? Remember when we were younger and inexperienced and you had to work up to intercourse? I remember it took months of blow jobs and handjobs before I was ready to take the plunge and now it's all wam bam thank you ma'am the second you drop trou? Sure I want to take it slow, but I'm not a nun._

"Not now… but… I want you to have something to think about all day" I stand on my tiptoes and run my lips over his growing stubble. I find his waistband and slip my hand inside and grip his member. My cool hand a contrast to his hot dick. "I want you to think about this… in my mouth" I feel his hands move around my back and grip my hips, hard.

"Fuck, Ana. Let me touch you" I hear his voice strained from the pleasure coursing through him.

I feel the moisture forming at the tip and I rub my thumb over it before removing my hand from his pants. "Not now" I say before I stick my thumb in my mouth tasting him. "I-" my words are halted by his mouth on mine again. Kissing, biting, sucking. One hand tightens around me, while one threads through my hair. _I've never been kissed like this before and I never want it to end._ I pout when I don't get my wish and he pulls away, letting his forehead rest against mine.

"I'll see you later okay?" He says before placing a light kiss on my lips. "If I don't leave now, I'll rip your clothes off right here in the foyer. And I have to get to work." And with that he disappears through the door leaving me and my heightened sexual state alone with what sounds like the beginnings of a very fussy Emma.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I lift Emma out of her stroller and push some of her hair back so I can kiss her forehead. "Do you want to swing, angel?"

"Swing!" She points at the fixture and giggles and I smile that she recognizes what a swing is.

"Yes that's a swing, sweetheart!" I set her in the swing and kneel in front of her to make sure she's secure. I peck her nose before I push her slowly when I see someone moving towards me in my peripherals. I turn my head and roll my eyes behind my sunglasses when I see Charlotte moving towards me.

"Ana!" She says with a smile and looks at Emma. "Hi Emma! How are you honey?"

"Swing!" Emma replies and I smile at what a happy baby she truly is.

"That's right!" Charlotte says. "God she's just so adorable" she says looking at me. "What a precious baby. So tragic about her parents… your friends"

I suck my teeth and nod. "Yeah"

"Look I just wanted to come over and clear the air… about Christian." She says and internally I freeze. I hope that I still appear cool because inside I am blazing with fire. _When did I become the jealous type?_ "No hard feelings" she smiles. "I don't think it was anything more than just sex on both sides"

"Can you not?" I say as I pull my sunglasses off and place them on my head. "She's repeating everything." I say referring to the tiny person within earshot.

"Right, sorry. Of course. I just wanted to say I wouldn't be standing in the way.. He's all yours" she says and I detect a hint of smugness underneath all of the cattiness. _Like you're letting me have him? Please. I could take him from you in an instant. Probably why he threw you out of our house the second I got home._

"I really don't know what you're talking about" I say narrowing my eyes at her. "You were never in the way, you don't have to worry about that" I say giving her a grin that's equally smug.

"Hmmmm" she smiles before looking at Emma. "So has she asked about… you know.. Mommy and Daddy yet?" My eyes widen and I feel my heart constrict when Emma looks up at me with her blue eyes.

"Mommy?" She asks before looking back and forth between myself and Charlotte.

 _You have got to be kidding me. God please give me the strength to not kill this woman in front of Emma, and scar her for life?_ I'm so speechless by what's unfolding that I don't even tell her to stop talking like my insides are screaming for her to do. "Awww honey, no. They aren't coming back, but it'll be okay, I'm sure Auntie Ana is taking such good care of you!"

My knees almost buckle underneath me having my friends death talked about so casually. "Charlotte!" I exclaim. "STOP!" I yell causing Emma to look at me with wide eyes.

"Mommy?" She says the tears glistening in her eyes. I am unsure if it's because I raised my voice or because she's having a flash of Alli. Either way my heart is breaking that my pumpkin is about to lose it.

"Do you have any idea what you're doing?!" I yell at her before I pick Emma out of the swing to try and put some space between myself and this woman who is clearly hell bent on having me kill her on this playground.

"I just... I didn't mean to upset her"

"Oh?" I say pulling my sunglasses over my eyes. I start to walk away from her when I hear her call after me.

"Just don't be surprised if she never calls you that!" I turn around and clutch Emma's head to my chest, already feeling it wet from her tiny tears.

"What?"

"It's not normal… she will probably never call you mommy? I mean… you're not, right?"

I feel like the wind has been knocked out of me and somehow I find the strength to place Emma in her stroller while my hands are shaking beyond belief. I can't hear anything past the rage in my head towards this woman and I feel like I've run a marathon based on how tight my chest it. I move the stroller a little towards her but enough out of earshot so that Emma doesn't hear me destroy this woman. "You listen to me, you jealous, manipulative bitch." I growl and I take a step closer to her as her eyes widen. _Good, you should be nervous._ "Your communication with my family? Is over. Stay the fuck away from Emma and Christian. Just because your family didn't want you, it does not give you the right to try and insert yourself in mine. I don't want to have this conversation again" I say before I march away from her with a newfound urgency to see the man that makes both Emma and myself smile. We make it safely inside when I pull Emma from her stroller and sit her in my lap. I'm desperate to see him and I shake my head at myself for being like this. _Since when were you so reliant on a man?_

"Emma do you want to see C-C?" _Ana certainly does. Charlotte's words ringing in my head. And what did she mean "it was just sex on both ends" so they did have sex? Was Christian just lying so I would fall into bed with him? But more than that the comments about Emma never calling me mom hit me harder. Did I want Emma to eventually call me mom?_ I feel like I'm betraying Alli for even thinking it. _That's her mom. I'm not._ The phone beeps indicating that Christian is not available for FaceTime and within a moment I get a text.

 **Can't talk right now, in the middle of a game. Everything okay?**

 _ **Yes, fine. Just wanted to see you. Talk to you later**_

 **Call you asap. X**

I sigh before tossing my phone to the side and putting Emma in her playpen. _Christian did understand me on a level that no one else did. And therefore, I know he could talk me off of this ledge that I'm on right now. He would assure me that Charlotte was awful for what she said, her words stemming from jealousy. And that I was Emma's mother. And it wasn't wrong to think that. I may not be her birth mother but I'm going to be with her for the rest of her life. I am going to love her, and encourage her and be there when she gets her first period, and first car and first broken heart. I was Emma's mother even if it didn't say that on her birth certificate- well yet._

Christian never got a chance to call me back, though he texted and apologized profusely. I mean he was at work, and his work didn't always allow for him to be able to FaceTime. I understood. He comes through the front door and I hear him flying up the stairs quickly and finds me in the bathroom with Emma giving her a bath in her baby tub. "Baby, I'm sorry. It was just a crazy day and-" he starts and although I don't miss the beat my heart skips when he calls me 'baby' I just shake my head.

"C-CCCCC" I hear from the bathtub as I gently rinse the suds from her hair. For someone not even two she certainly has a lot of it.

"Princess" he says as he places a kiss on her wet forehead. "I missed you today, did you miss me?"

She holds her hand out for him as the bubbles sit in her palm. He blows them gently moving them from her hand and she finds it hilarious. Her laugh resounding off the walls of the bathroom and relieving the tension from my body almost immediately. I feel his hand slip around my waist and his lips graze my neck and I stiffen. I shake my head again and move out of his grasp. "No.. I… not now" I say looking at Emma and his eyes narrow slightly.

"I wasn't suggesting we continue what we started this morning, I just wanted to kiss you. But I can see you're already shutting down on me" He says before he places a kiss at my temple. "So we'll talk later. I'm going to go change" I feel guilty for being so closed off but my encounter at the at the park followed by an afternoon alone with my thoughts has been plenty of time to convince myself that starting anything up with Christian is not a good idea. I get Emma out of the tub and put her in her baby robe.

"You look so cute, Em" I giggle as I look at her tiny robe complete with a hood. "I wish I had my phone." I look over my shoulder and wonder if he will come if I call. _Who are you kidding? You know he will._ "Christian!" I call for him and within seconds he's behind me.

"You rang?"

"Take a picture of her. She looks so cute" I giggle as I tickle her tummy causing her to squeal with laughter. He laughs before he pulls out his phone and begins to take a few pictures. After a few minutes, I look at his phone. "Let me see, let me see" I say and I frown when I realize that I'm in all of the photos too.

"I meant just Emma" I say rolling my eyes.

"Well I wanted both of my girls" he says and the words have a direct line to my heart. _Stop being so sweet, dammit._ I feel my cheeks heating up so I let out a breath in the attempt to cool them.

Later that night, we have put Emma down to sleep when strong hands pull me down the steps and into the kitchen. He pours us each a glass of red wine before pulling me to sit with him on the couch. He grabs my feet pulling them into his lap as he begins to rub them slowly. _Fuck. How am I supposed to tell him we can't go down this road while he's doing this?_ "Christian" I say but it comes out much breathier than I intended.

"Talk to me, baby"

"Ana… or Steele" I say.

"Oh? So formal now?"

"I just… I wonder if last night and this morning... I wonder if it's the best idea" He stops rubbing his feet and moves closer to me letting my thighs rest on top of his and my feet are resting on the other side of him.

"What's this about?" He rubs my shoulder and his grey eyes pierce mine. "Tell me" I shake my head back and forth as I try to hide the tears forming but it's no use when he wraps his arms around me and rubs my back gently. "Did I do something?" I shake my head again. _Use your words, Ana._

"I'm… I'm never going to be Emma's mommy"

He's silent for a moment as he tries to navigate my reaction to a multitude of responses. "Well… technically you will be. Once we sign the papers"

"That's what I thought too… but will it be the same? Or will I always be the substitute?"

"We talked to the therapist about this. We are going to take it one day at a time. Once she's old enough to inquire about why she calls us Ana and C-C we will explain it to her and come to a decision together. And there's a good chance she will want to start calling us mommy and daddy because we will be all that she knows." I feel the tears threatening to fall as they well in my eyes when I'm pressed firmly to a hard chest. "Is that all? Because we've talked about this" he pushes my hair back from my forward and kisses my forehead and I sigh feeling content for the first time in hours.

"I ran into your dear friend Charlotte at the park and she said something… and I don't know it didn't sit right with me"

"Wouldn't call us friends at all but what did she say?" He says pulling back to look at me.

I shake my head not wanting to get into it, or make myself out to be some jealous girlfriend. _Not Christian's girlfriend._ "Nothing. It's nothing"

"Is that why you FaceTimed me earlier? Over this 'nothing'"? He raises my chin up to look me square in the eye.

I pull out of his grasp. "I FaceTimed you so that you could talk to Emma" I say immediately shutting down this theory that hits way too close to the truth for my taste. _Bastard knows me too well already._

"If something is bothering you, I want you to talk to me. Let me fix it. If Charlotte said anything to you-" he trails off and I put a hand up stopping him.

"I don't need you to do anything. I'm a big girl, I can handle one jealous woman," I know that I am being slightly bratty right now. Not letting him help fix the problem but then also being upset over it.

"Jealous? Over what?" I give him a look, as if to say _what do you think?_ And he sighs.

"She brought up Alli and Michael in front of Emma. Asked if she's brought up 'Mommy and Daddy' yet. And of course Emma's ears perked up and she got upset" I can feel him stiffening underneath me and I know he's about to be as irritated as I have been all day. "She looked at me with those eyes and asked about Mommy and that bitch Charlotte looked at her and said 'Aw Honey no they're not coming back.' Like… what if we hadn't addressed anything with her yet!? What if we had been lying to her? Yes bad idea but SHE didn't know that!"

"Fuck" he growls. "Why would she think it was okay to say that?"

"And then said not to be surprised if she never called me mommy." I look up at him the tears having erupted from my eyes as I prepare myself to say these next words. "Is it stupid that it hurt me to hear that? That it hurts to think that she'll never call me that?"

He shakes his head and pulls me into his lap hugging me. "No baby. Of course not. I can't believe she said that to you… or Emma. I have a good mind to go over there and tell her about herself"

"No don't go.. I-" I am about to tell him that I don't want that woman anywhere near him or Emma when his phone rings. He pulls it from his pocket and I can see it clearly from my place on his lap. I feel a warmth wash over me when I see that his background is already one of the pictures from earlier of me and Emma.

"Unknown number…" he looks at me and I nod knowing that we've been getting calls here and there from CPS. "Hello?" He answers and immediately goes rigid when the person on the other end responds. "Now is not a good time" he answers and my eyebrows furrow together in question. He shakes his head at me. I hear talking on the other end which sounds like a woman making my heart sink. "I have to go" he says before hanging up.

"Who was that?" I ask and I immediately hate myself for it. _I'm not jealous. I don't own Christian. He doesn't belong to me. He can date or fuck whoever he wants. We aren't anything._ Even as I chant the words in my head, I don't believe them. And now I'm upset because some woman is calling him at ten at night. _Is this what I have to look forward to? Him getting booty called every other night? Great._

"Don't… get mad"

"One of your girlfriends then?" I say as I try to remove myself from his lap.

"I don't have any girlfriends, Ana. Just… you if you'd just fucking have me"

"Why would I be mad?"

"It was Charlotte"

I freeze in his arms before I push myself completely off of him. "And that was you- what did you say you wanted to do? 'Tell her about herself'? That was you doing that? Yeah" I snort. "She really got the picture" I say getting off the couch and placing my empty glass in the sink.

"You and I weren't done talking and I didn't want to talk to her of all people with you sitting here. I know you're feeling sensitive about her right now and-"

"Sensitive? I'm not sensitive" I say as turn around crossing my arms. "She tried to get under my skin by throwing in my face that you and her were something and then tried to hurt me by using Emma. Yeah I was annoyed about you but I was livid about Emma. Make no mistake what I'm upset about here"

"Me? What did she say about me?"

"That there was no hard feelings blah blah blah, she wasn't going to stand in the way or something I don't know."

"Stand in the way of what? Us? Please! We weren't anything, Ana I didn't fuck her. I didn't do anything with her"

"She certainly made it seem like you guys had some fun together" I rub my forehead. "Even used the word 'sex' in front of Emma. That was great."

"What the fuck? I should go over there and straighten her out"

"You could have done that on the phone just now… unless you want a reason to go over there and fuck her" I go to move away when I feel his arm wrapped around mine and another one wounding my ponytail around his wrist so my head tilts up to look at him.

"I did not fuck her" he grits out, taking a pause between every word. "I won't have you questioning my integrity again. I've always been fucking honest with you Anastasia. Even when we weren't friends. Or if you are forgetting the first time we met? And every time since when I had no problem telling you what I thought of you" he says raising an eyebrow. I purse my lips remembering how cold we were to each other.

"Maybe we should just go back to that then… It was easier. At least we knew where we stood"

"I don't want that" he says letting my hair go. "I like where we are heading now. I want you, Anastasia. But you have to let me in." He leans down and although I try to back away, he's faster and his lips are planted on mine. And he knew once his lips found mine, I wouldn't be backing away anytime soon. _He tastes and smells divine._ The butterflies are forming in my belly after years of being trapped in their cocoons and the feeling is unnerving. Our kiss is interrupted by a familiar voice coming through the baby monitors.

"I'll go" he whispers against my lips. "Stay here, have another glass of wine"

"I shouldn't…" I trail off.

"Just don't go to bed yet, okay?"

"Christian" I follow after him. "I'm tired… can we just do this tomorrow?" I say not wanting to deal with the events of the day any longer.

He sighs before pulling me into his arms and kissing my forehead. "Okay" he follows me up the stairs and when I go into my room, he stalls outside of my room.

"Aren't you checking on Emma?" I ask.

"Yes… but I was hoping… I mean… did you want to stay with me again?" He says and normally I would find his nervousness adorable but now all I can think about is falling into a deep sleep- alone.

I lean against the door jam, as I stare at this man that has completely confused and beguiled me since the second we moved in together. _It's hard to believe a month and a half ago we hated each other and this morning I had my hand down his pants. Talk about a thin line between love and hate. Or maybe we never really hated each other._ "I think I just… need some space."

"Space" he repeats as if the concept is foreign to him.

"Yes. Just for tonight? And we can talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay" he says and I can tell he doesn't really believe me. _Hell I don't really believe me. I can feel the space I am trying to put between us. Why? I'm not sure exactly. He's right, he's never lied to me and if I'm being honest with myself, I don't really believe that he slept with Charlotte. I mean what reason would he have to lie to me? She just pissed me off though and I've been in a shitty mood since._ He moves towards me wrapping his arms around me. "Good night" he says before placing a kiss on the corner of my mouth.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

 **CPOV**

 _I was up the entire night, calling Ana, texting Ana… I've probably left her five voicemails. Why the fuck isn't she responding? What if something was wrong with Emma? I guess she knows I would have prefaced the calls with that but still. Is she just ignoring me? Like she's been ignoring the fact that two days ago we kissed? More than once? Not to mention our little kiss that ended with her hand down my pants? Or when she ogled me in the shower? I haven't been able to get any of it out of my mind since. Her soft plump lips moving in perfect movement with mine. Her tiny hand wrapped around my dick. I wonder what her lips would feel like wrapped around it. Two nights ago after we had that talk, Ana shut completely down. It was like we went from hot to cold overnight. She was cordial and polite, but things were off. I wanted us back on the track we were on before. When we were moving towards something more. Something real. The thought of being with Ana sends a shock through me. It's seven am and I'm pacing the length of the foyer like a father wondering where his child is. Is this what I have to look forward to? No.. Emma isn't dating till she's thirty. But seriously, I didn't expect this kind of behavior from Ana. She's so responsible and considerate. What if something happened to her? What if she's hurt. Fuck, Ana where the hell are you?_ I pick up the phone again and call her and my heart sinks when it automatically goes to voicemail like it's been doing all night. I hear Emma through the monitor and I groan. _She's going to want Ana… she always wants Ana in the morning. She always wants Ana, period._

"Hiii pumpkin" I say pulling her into my arms and smelling her sweet baby fragrance. I don't know when I picked up Ana's nickname for Emma but I've noticed myself using it more and more the last few days. "How did you sleep?" I rub her back and she rests her head on my shoulder and whimpers. I slide her pacifier into her mouth and watch as her eyes open and close a few times. I kiss her forehead and lay her back down.

She sits up and looks at me and blinks her eyes a few times as if to say _why'd you lay me back down? I'm ready to plaaaay._ She raises her arms up at me and I give in. "C-C, C-C" _I always give in. Damn you, Ana, you were right._ I carry her downstairs and sit her in her high chair. "Are you hungry, princess?" She holds her hand out. "Hungry?" I say trying to teach her the word as I hold my hand out like she does.

"Hungggy" and I smile. _Bingo._

I put some Cheerios in front of her while I start preparing her something when I hear the front door open. I move to the foyer and stare at the mess that walks through the door. She's in the same clothes as last night, her hair still up in that sexy as fuck high pony tail. She's got sunglasses covering her eyes and she's carrying her shoes as she tries to tiptoe barefoot up the stairs. "Hold it" I bark at her. She stops and turns to me.

"Hi.. sorry my-"

"Where the fuck have you been? I've been calling you all night? I was worried sick!" I look at her and despite how pissed I am I still feel my body reacting to her. _I want her, badly._

"My phone died, I'm sorry Christian but can we not-"

"Not what? It's 2017, you're telling me no one had a god damn charger? Where did you sleep?"

"At a friends… why are you jumping down my throat?"

"A friend? A male friend?" I say and I feel my blood start to boil. _Is she fucking someone else? After everything that happened the other night? I inwardly groan as I remember her core rubbing up against my growing erection when I had her pinned against the wall._

"Not that it's your business but no… a girl friend. My friend Molly"

 _I know Molly, I've met her a few times in passing. She seems okay. Not the point._ "It is my business, Anastasia" I bark at her. "How could you be so inconsiderate? I was worried about you!"

"I'm sorry, okay? But I don't answer to you"

"It's not about answering to someone and just being fucking considerate to the goddamn father of your child. Emma needs you Ana… you can't just disappear. You can't do that to her. You can't just not come home when you have a child"

I watch her swallow hard. "I need to go shower"

I put a hand up against the wall effectively closing her in. "You can't do that to me either, Ana. I need to know where you are. That you're safe"

"Why?" She asks looking at me. "Why do you care what I do. I'm fine… okay? I've been going out and getting drunk a long time. I can take care of myself"

"Well now you have someone that wants to do that for you… it's not just you anymore Ana. You have Emma… and me... And I'll be damned if something happens to you too. Now, you reek. Go shower before our daughter sees you like this" I say turning away from her. _I know she feels guilty right now. As she should._

Ana comes down the stairs about twenty five minutes later as I am finishing up the pancakes I made. She enters the kitchen, her hair still wet, up in a messy bun sporting sweatpants and a t-shirt. _I'm pissed at her but God she still looks beautiful._ She doesn't acknowledge me when she walks in, beelining for Emma and pulling her into her arms.

"Hi pumpkin.. I missed you so much. Did you miss me?" She says pulling her close to her chest and I don't miss the emotion in her voice. "I'm sorry, Emma" I hear her whisper and I wonder if she was hoping I didn't hear. "You know I love you so much right?" She says pulling her away from her chest so she can look at her.

"Anaaaaa" she exclaims as she grabs Ana's face and tries to grab her nose.

Ana giggles and pulls her to her chest again. "I think that means I'm forgiven" she says. "I'm sorry Christian" she says without looking at me. "Please don't be mad at me" I hear her sniffle. Her back is to me at this point so I approach her and pull them both into my arms.

"Don't do that sh- that again, Ana I mean it" I say to her when I finally meet her gaze. "You really scared me"

"I'm sorry" she says softly before sitting Emma back in her chair.

"Why didn't you just tell me that you were okay? I understand you wanted to get out but… I would never do that to you."

"I know, I know" she says the tears flowing from her eyes. "I'm sorry.. I just… I was overwhelmed by what happened a few days ago with Charlotte. It hurt me more than I realized. I've never been a jealous person but I felt like she went after my relationship with you and my relationship with Emma." She pauses and lets out a breath before she gets up and sets Emma in her seat. "You know I just dove right into this responsibility of raising Emma, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. This is what I want to do. I don't feel like I have to or I was forced... But, I really didn't think it through. You know Alli and Michael died and I just jumped feet first without thinking. Emma needed me and I didn't think twice about being here. You don't even think, you just put your child first and that's it. I guess that's what being a parent is? Your child needs you and you just do it. But I then I went out and I had a few drinks and I caught a glimpse of the life I completely abandoned as of a month ago. And then I'm thinking about what Charlotte said and how it's been on my mind ever since. I know I shouldn't have let it get to me." She shakes her head. "I shouldn't have shut you out and I'm sorry. I know this was so irresponsible and so unlike me but I knew Emma was safe with you so I wasn't worried about her and I just- I fucked up"

"Language" I say with a smile before I place a gentle kiss on her nose. "You hungry? I made pancakes"

"What I really need is some sleep- but you cooked?"

"Emma needed to eat.. and I resent the insinuation that I can't cook"

"There was no insinuation, you can't cook" she jokes as I sit the plate in front of her.

I kneel in front of her pulling her hand to my mouth and giving it a kiss. "Thank you for telling me all of that finally"

"Sorry" she whispers as she takes a bite of the pancake after eyeing it warily and sniffing it. _Everybody's a critic._

"Ana, we are in this together alright? I want you to tell me when you feel this way. When you feel overwhelmed or upset or stressed or anything. It's our job to make things easy for each other… to be the best parents we can be for Emma. Ana… we are her parents. I don't care what anyone says. And in five and ten and fifteen and twenty years? Emma will agree. I give it a few more months before that's who we become. It's sad and I miss Michael and Alli too, everyday. But we can't spend the next eighteen years treating Emma like we are babysitting for Michael and Alli. We can't be Ana and C-C forever. Emma doesn't need them. She needs mommy and daddy." I get up and move away from her towards Emma. "Besides if she starts calling us that now it'll be a much easier transition when we have a baby"

Her eyes widen as she sits down the glass that was almost to her lips. "What!?"

"Oh come on, you want Emma to be an only child?" I say as I lift Emma into my arms and give her a peck on her cheek.

"C-C Ry-er!" Emma squeals.

"That's where we are going, princess" I say moving out of the room, hearing Ana hot on my heels.

"Wait, Christian!" Ana says following me into the other room. "Another baby?"

"Maybe two? What do you think?" I ask giving her a devilish grin. _If I could keep her pregnant for a while, I wouldn't hate that either._

"I'm sorry who said I was having a baby with you?"

"You certainly aren't having one with anyone else" _No fucking way._

"We aren't even sleeping together!" she shrieks.

"Yet" I wink at her. _Only a matter of time, Anastasia._

"How very presumptuous of you" she says putting her hands on her hips and cocking her head to the side which never fails to turn me on. _She's so hot when she does that._

I put Emma in her playpen and look down at the woman who is in desperate need of some sleep as I can see how tired she is. I wrap my arms around her. "Should I stay home?"

"No" she shakes her head. "I'll make some coffee when you leave. Do I have time to take a quick nap before your game?"

"Depends"

"On?"

"Can I join you?" I ask raising an eyebrow.

She swipes her tongue over her bottom lip and I feel my dick harden. "If you can get Emma settled, upstairs." She says softly and I nod.

XXXXXXXXXXX

We put Emma in her playpen in her room and put Paw Patrol on so she'd be content for a while. "She'll be okay" I murmur in Ana's ear as I pull her to her bedroom. She climbs into bed and under the covers and eyes me.

"Are you coming?" She whispers to me as she lays down.

"Do you want me to?" I ask needing her to say the words that she wants me as much I want her. Her head has hit her pillow and her eyes have closed but I see her nod her head. I smile to myself and climb in behind her pulling her to my chest and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"Don't fall asleep" she says sleepily. "Em may need you" she whispers and I know she's already halfway to la-la land. "Emma always needs you."

"Emma needs us both"

"Mmmhm" she says. "Christian" I hear her murmur.

"Yes Ana"

"Don't ever leave us" I hear her say. I know she's right on the edge of sleep and she may not even know what she's saying but I say the only thing that comes to mind.

"Never"

 **A/N: Don't be too hard on, Ana. She's allowed to freak out too ;)**

 **Thank you Diamond Child for your help (and pushing), as always! You're the best!**


	7. Babies Hate Baseball

I am brought out of sleep by lips across my cheek. I would think that the lips belong to Christian if I didn't feel little hands as well, and lips that are far too tiny and too much spit. I open my eyes to see Emma leaning against me, her lips now on my nose. "Ana, up?"

I smile at the little person in bed with me and squeeze her to me. "What are you doing up, huh? I thought you were going to take a little nap?"

"No naps!" She exclaims as I feel her lips against my cheek again.

"I see that, where is CC?"

Her eyebrows cinch together and her lips form a pout. "Ummm" she says. "C-CCCC!" She screeches and I see Christian walking back through the room, dressed for work. I look him over from head to toe and I wonder how it's possible for a man to look this good.

"You're up" he says giving me a smile.

"Yes, I assume you stuck Emma on me hoping to do so" I say

"She's the best alarm clock"

"As much as I love her kisses, I would have preferred waking up to yours" I say softly as I sit up in bed cradling Emma in my arms. His eyes dance playfully before he kneels on the bed and plants a gentle kiss on my lips.

"I'm still mad at you for earlier" he says against my lips but when he pulls away I can see the humor in his eyes.

"C-C mad?" Emma says, her lips forming a pout.

"Not at Emma" he shakes his head and Emma gives him a smile before she reaches for him. He pulls her into her arms and gives her several kisses on her cheeks. "I love you Emma"

"I love you C-C" And I gasp hearing her say the three words plus his name in a full sentence. Usually she just says "Love C-C" or "Love you" but hearing it all together makes my my heart melt. _I'm ready for her to tell me she loves me like that._

I don't miss the smile that crosses his face as he squeezes her tight, peppers her face with more kisses before he hands her back to me. "Please don't be mad at me" I say.

He narrows his eyes at me before he gives me a small smile and I wonder if I'm really forgiven.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

I've been in the kitchen for the past two hours, preparing dinner. I thought about just whipping something together but I wanted to do something to try and make it up to Christian for last night's behavior. _And you know what they say "the way to a man's heart…" truthfully I think his dick is another way but hey, I'm all for the idea to make sure he's fed before he's sated. And operation Seduce: Christian Grey is underway._ I've showered and rid my body of every bit of hair while Emma took her afternoon nap and now I'm in my bathrobe. My hair is dry and I've already applied makeup, I just need to get dressed. Christian had mentioned in passing that he loved macaroni and cheese so I decided to make it tonight for him but with a twist, I added lobster. "Are you hungry Emma?"

She looks at me before holding her hand out. I scoop a spoonful of the plain macaroni and cheese I kept aside for Emma. It's still warm having just pulled it out of the oven so I blow on it. Once I'm satisfied at the temperature I hold it out for her and she leans forward and takes all of the contents from her spoon. "Mmmmmmm" she says kicking her feet against the chair.

I giggle at her enthusiasm. "Good?"

She nods her head, her eyes bright with childlike excitement. She begins to kick her legs wildly and holds her hands up as if she wants to get up. Before I have a chance to ask her what has caused her sudden burst of energy I feel a hand creeping up my robe and cupping my bare ass. I shudder when I feel his lips at my ear. "I walked in the house, it smells of my favorite food and you're wearing this tiny little silk robe. I think I've died and gone to heaven."

I spin around in his arms and wrap mine around his neck pulling him flush against my body. His hands are now resting on the outside of my robe, gently against my ass and he growls as his face nuzzles against my neck. "You're early" I moan, overcome by the sensations of having him so close to me. I'm a puddle of need, and I know I am one brush of his hands against me from falling apart in his arms. _Emma's watching. Emma's watching._ I pull back slightly before swiping my lips over his. "I wasn't expecting you for another hour. I thought I had time to change"

"No need. Stay in that" he says his eyes raking my body salaciously.

I roll my eyes and move back to the salad. "You still have some time, if you want to change, the macaroni can bake a little longer."

He nods. "Food smells great. You trying to butter me up for something?"

"Can't a woman make her man his favorite food?" I say, my back to him.

Within a second he's behind me and his hands find my hips. "Your man, huh? I think I like the sound of that" he says before he places a hot wet kiss on my neck, his hands wrapping around my waist and sliding up to cup one of my breasts once. I would swat him away, not wanting Emma to see him feeling me up, but our backs are to her, _thank god_. I think he feels the sexual tension building between us so he moves away quickly.

"Hi Princess" he says picking her up out of her highchair and placing a kiss on her cheek.

"C-C C-C!" She chants as he moves across the room and sits in the living room with her in his lap.

"What did you do today?"

"Swing… Sam" she looks at her hands before holding it out. "Cookie"

"Ana let you have cookies in the middle of the day?" I hear him say and I turn to him looking at me with a smug grin.

"It was just one" I say stomping my foot. "And what do you want from me, we went to the grocery store and she can spot a box of cookies a mile away, I swear"

I hear them continuing their conversation about Emma's day when I slip upstairs to change. As much as I want to stay in the silky robe that gives Christian easy access to every inch of my body, I should probably at least put on a bra and some underwear. I settle for a pair of joggers and a v-neck t-shirt. I move down the stairs and see Christian and Emma watching television.

He sets her in her playpen and moves towards me. "You changed"

"Just put on some real clothes" I giggle. He boxes me against the kitchen counter, out of sight from Emma and his lips descend onto the visible skin on my chest. I feel his mouth planting kisses from between my breasts all the way up my neck and to my mouth.

"How long did Emma sleep today?" He murmurs as his tongue finding my pulse point.

"Ummm" I say as I try and string together my thoughts to form a coherent sentence. "An hour maybe?"

"Perfect" he purrs in my ear. "Let's put her to bed after dinner. I want to be alone with you as soon as possible"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Getting Emma to bed wasn't as hard as I thought. She laid down almost immediately after two stories and giving Christian and I kisses and tight hugs. Her door is barely shut before I'm literally swept off my feet, and carried downstairs. My legs immediately go to around his waist and I wrap my arms around his neck as I press kisses along his neck and shoulder. We make it to the living room and he deposits me on the couch. I set the baby monitor on the table before us as he grabs a bottle of wine and two glasses. He sets them next to the baby monitor before he's on me. I'm instantly on my back as Christian is on top of me, kissing me as if he cared less about his next breath and more about the consistent contact with my mouth. "I thought about you all day" he groans against my mouth as one hand finds it's way up my shirt.

"Mmmm did you? I thought you might have still been mad at me"

"No, I'm not mad at you, baby. I understand"

I nod, trying to avoid the tears I can feel building in my throat. "Thank you"

"Was that the point of the mac and cheese? Because you thought I was mad at you?"

"Maybe a little" I wince.

"Well the food was amazing. You really can cook… I could get used to this" he smiles. "But no, I'm not mad at you at all… I'm too into you to be mad at you" he says and I immediately blush.

"Into me? What are we in high school?"

He chuckles as his lips find my ear. "If we were would you let me get to second base tonight?"

"What are the kids calling second base these days?"

He pulls back to look at me, raising one eyebrow. "You know what it means, Ana"

"If you can't say it, then you can't do it" I giggle.

"Oh I can say it." he says before his lips find mine. "I want to touch your pussy, are you happy? You've already touched my dick after all"

"What if we go past second… and third?" I ask hoping he gets my drift.

His eyebrows shoot to his hairline as he sits up and looks at me pulling me to straddle is lap in the process. His hands find my face as he searches it for any hesitation. "You want… I mean… you're ready for that? I thought you wanted to wait"

"I did… but…" I rub my nose against his before I kiss his lips gently. "I want… you"

I feel his hand move up my shoulder, behind my neck and weave through my hair as he pulls my face to his and captures my lips in a scorching kiss. His tongue finds mine instantly as if they're magnets and I moan at the taste of his mouth. I feel him pulling my shirt upwards and I raise my arms to give him some help, and before I can think my shirt is across the room. "The first time I saw you, I wondered what you looked like naked" he confesses and his words sends a rush through me.

"What? I thought…?"

"When I first saw you… before we decided to declare war on each other" he chuckles, "I thought you were the hottest woman I'd ever seen in my life. And I was dying to see what was underneath your clothes." He says as he reaches around to my bra behind me. "And now I'll get to see"

I bite down on my bottom lip as he looks up at me for my approval and I nod once. I feel him unclasp my lace bra and he slides it slowly down my arms. I am completely in tune with every hair standing on edge right now, as well as the feeling forming at the base of my spine. I look at him wondering when he'll look up and smile when I realize he doesn't plan to lose visual contact with my breasts any time soon. I grasp his face trying to get him to look at me when he shakes his head.

"Just give me a second. I need to memorize what these babies look like"

"You don't need to memorize, you'll see them again" I giggle. My giggle is immediately halted when I feel his hands rubbing them gently. His hands palm them both, as his thumbs rub each nipple making them harden. I moan feeling my highly sensitive nipples come to life after spending the last few months only being stimulated by my own hands. _Fuck I forgot how good it feels._ I toss my head back and moan out his name when I feel his mouth on my right nipple and all the fluids in my body rush to the apex of my thighs. _Jesus. Fucking. Christ._ I grind myself down on his dick that is starting to rise underneath me and before I can think I've pulled him from my nipple and attached my lips to his. I'm still straddling him at this point, and you would think that I'm a cat in heat the way that I'm rubbing myself against him.

"Fuck, Ana. I'm going to come all over myself like a fucking teenager if you don't stop." From what Alli told me this man was a bit of a sex God among women, so the fact that I can bring him to his knees so easily makes me feel like a goddess. My hands make their way under his shirt and I run my fingernails lightly across his chest and down his rock hard abs making my clit twitch as I think about running my tongue across every hard muscle.

"Take your shirt off" I say as I look him square in his eye. He obeys my command, sending his shirt soaring across the room along with mine. I sit back to look at him, ogling his chest in similar fashion to how he did mine before I run my fingers over every inch. "Should… should we take this party to one of our rooms?" I ask raising an eyebrow at him.

He furrows his brow a little before he looks towards the foyer and the stairs that would take us to one of our bedrooms, and more importantly our beds. "What about Emma?"

"What about Emma?" I ask cocking my head to the side.

"Well you certainly don't sound like you're quiet" he says smirking at me. "What if we wake her up while we are… well sliding into home?" He jokes and I roll my eyes.

I think about how quiet I typically am _not_ and decide that he has a point. "Maybe you are right" I whisper. I haven't had a chance to really weigh the pros and cons of going upstairs when I'm flat on my back and Christian is kneeling between my open legs. I feel his hands at the top of my pants before he pulls them down slowly. _Part of the reason that I wore these loose fitting joggers is I knew how easy they were to pull off, and I was hoping that Christian would be doing so tonight. Maybe with his teeth._ I feel the air hit my legs and I can't control the rapid beating of my heart or my heavy breathing as I feel his hands grip my thighs and begin to draw circles on my inner thighs.

"You are so beautiful" he murmurs as I feel his lips kissing my stomach gently. "And this will be even more beautiful when it's full of my child"

I roll my eyes at his presumptuous comment. "There you go again with that"

He chuckles. "I love that you're pretending to fight the inevitable. It's cute, really"

I go to make a smart response when I feel him spread my legs, and lips on my thigh and his breath against the wet fabric rubbing against my folds. He kisses my right thigh several times, before my left, sending me on a delicious, tortuous ride before he ends his assault leaving me panting and wanting. He kisses up my body, stopping to place wet kisses on both of my nipples before his mouth finds mine. I wrap my arms around his body as I feel his hand move inside of my panties and finds my clit instantly as if he'd been given a map labeled "Ana's Anatomy" before he embarked on this sexual journey. I whimper feeling the first swipe of his fingers over the sensitive bundle of nerves knowing that it won't take much for me to come apart in his arms after not having any kind of sexual contact in at least two months. _Seriously my BOB has gotten a workout._ "Christian" I moan as I feel his lips on my neck.

"You're already close aren't you?" I can feel his grin against my neck and I want to tell him to shut the hell up and attempt to slow my building orgasm in an effort to take his cockiness down a peg but I can't. _What he's doing feels too good. I don't want to stop. I don't ever want this feeling to end._ I feel a finger dip inside of me before it goes back to the spot that he knows will make me combust within minutes. "I love how responsive you are" he groans in my ear. "The second I touched you, I felt your clit pulse." _Keep talking, Grey._ I raise my pelvis up as I feel my orgasm starting and my toes curl as I feel it coming over me. "Shit baby, you're shaking. I can feel it… I can feel you're about to come. Holy fuck." He growls as his lips find mine and his words, his lips and his fingers are my undoing as I come apart in his arms moaning the entire way down. I don't know how long I come for but when I open my eyes, grey eyes are staring back at me. "Watching you come is my new favorite thing" he kisses my forehead. I can't remember the last time I've been fingered to completion without sex following completely afterward and I don't know if I'm amazed at his restraint or frustrated by it. I am still trying to catch my breath from the orgasm that shattered me so I just give him a shy smile as I try to wrap my legs around him which is difficult on the couch. "I'm ready for third now" he smiles and I bite my bottom lip thinking about his mouth between my legs.

"What if we went at the same time?" I ask and his eyes widen at my implication of the sexiest number position.

"I'm game if you are" he quips and I giggle at his ability to keep the baseball metaphor going.

He pulls his pants off and I reach for his boxers at the exact moment he reaches for my panties both of us eager to be completely naked and in each other's arms… and mouths. I giggle as I lay back and allow him to go first and remove my panties when the monitor next to us comes to life, the voice of the little person on the other end reverberating off the walls of the room. "C-CCCCC" I hear through the monitor followed by some whining. "C-C come!" She whines and Christian groans leaning his head back on the couch.

"You've got to be kidding. Right now, Em?"

I bite my lip in the effort to keep myself from giggling and crying as Christian now has to leave and break our sexual fog. He pulls his pants on as well as his shirt. "Don't move." He says kissing my lips gently. "And don't fall asleep"

"Kay" I say wanting nothing more than to mount him in this moment as I think about him going upstairs to take care of my little pumpkin. _Our daughter,_ who in this moment is calling for him in hopes he can make it better. I watch him go upstairs and I decide to pour us some wine in hopes that it will succeed in both keeping me awake and lowering my inhibitions. _Not that my inhibitions weren't already pretty low when it came to this man. I'd serve him my ass on a platter if he'd want it. And something tells me this man is kinkier than I could even imagine._ Twenty minutes go by and I'm still nursing the same glass when I put my ear to the monitor and realize I can't hear anything. I pull on my clothes and make my way upstairs and my heart both sinks and flutters when I get to Emma's room. Christian is asleep in the rocking chair with Emma cuddled against his chest, also asleep. I pull my phone out of my pocket and snap a picture before I move towards the two people that have completely taken over my heart and I pick up Emma. She doesn't stir so I kiss her forehead before laying her down in her crib. In the process, Christian has woken up, so I reach for his hand and drag him out of Emma's room and towards mine. "Lay down, I'm going to go set the alarm and turn the lights out"

"No I should do that-" he starts and I shake my head.

"No it's okay, go back to sleep. I still have to take my makeup off and wash my face. I'll come snuggle you after"

He nods, his eyes already drifting back to sleep. "Wake me up when you come back, so we can pick up where we left off" he says and I roll my eyes.

"Sure baby" I say knowing he's already asleep.

Ten minutes later, I climb into bed with a sleeping Christian and wrap my arms around him. I rest my head on his chest and thread my leg through his. I lean up to kiss his cheek and I feel him shift and whisper my name but I realize he's still asleep as he begins to lightly snore. I feel his hand start to lightly stroke my back as I let it lull me to sleep.

The next morning I wake up to a familiar sensation, but not one I've felt in quite some time. It feels like a dream and I'm ready to chase the feeling when I feel myself getting pulled out of sleep. _Wait no!_ But then I realize, as I begin to wake up that the sensation isn't a dream. _It's real. And it's hot._ My eyes fly open and I feel hands wrapped around my thighs holding them down and a mouth against my pussy. _Holy fuck!_ I pull the sheet that's covering my bottom half off of me, revealing Christian's copper locks. He looks up at me his mouth still working me over before he pulls away finally. "Good morning, baby"

"What-what are you- I mean… you couldn't have waited till I was awake to do this for the first time!"

"I'm sorry I couldn't wait" he says wiping his mouth in the sexiest way and moving up my body to kiss me. My musky flavor is still all over his mouth and I almost convulse at the sexiness of it all.

"I thought we were supposed to be doing that together for the first time" I pout

"You're cute when you do that. Can I get back to doing what I was doing now?"

I bite my lip and grab his face to keep him from descending any further down my naked bottom half. "Can I sit on your face?"

His eyes widen and he chuckles. "I knew you had an inner freak" I can feel the blood rushing to my cheeks when I feel his hand cup them, cooling them substantially. "I love it" He lays on his back pulling off his pants and boxers and letting his impressive erection stand proudly. _Maybe I should just sit on it for a moment._ I don't know how long I'm staring at it when I feel his hand raising my chin to meet his gaze. "Are you going to stare at it or suck it?" He asks raising one eyebrow. "Or you know" he shrugs "you could let your pussy have at it"

The thought warms me all over but I have other ideas in mind. "I want you to finish what you were doing first. And I want to suck your dick"

He waves towards his dick before beckoning me over with his finger. I straddle his face and begin to lower myself slowly when he loses all sense of patience and pulls me down the rest of the way. I moan feeling his tongue ghost over my folds when I grip his dick causing him to moan. I've almost reached my goal at having him in my mouth when I hear my name. And while I'm hoping it would be from the man underneath of me groaning my name in ecstasy it's the voice of a small child two rooms over.

I sit up pulling Christian's dick from my mouth and rest my hands on his chest. "Fuck" I whisper as I try to pull away from his mouth.

"She can wait" he growls keeping me in place.

"Emerson Grace waits for no one" I giggle knowing that she will just keep calling for me. And right on cue I hear her again.

"Ananananananana!" she says my name running together in one long whine.

"I'm coming, Em!" I say as I try to pull away from Christian again.

"Not yet, but you are before you leave this room" Christian says from beneath me as I feel his tongue lapping my clit.

"I can't…" I say. "Not with Emma calling for me"

"Yes you can baby. Come on" I shake my head and I'm able to pull myself from his mouth. I move off of him and turn around to face him.

"I'm sorry" I shake my head. "Please don't be mad"

"Go" he points at the door, the humor laced in his voice. "And don't bring her in here, I need to take care of this" he says pointing at his dick that is pointing at the ceiling.

I nod as I pull on my shorts and make my way to Emma's bedroom. An hour later, I'm in the kitchen making breakfast before I have to head out for the day when Christian walks in, having taken the longest probably cold shower ever. "Feel better?" I say shooting him a knowing smile.

"Not hardly" he says before shaking a look of mock anger at Emma. "Thanks Emerson"

"Awww don't" I say picking Emma up from her chair and giving her a kiss on her cheek. _I'll admit I was slightly annoyed when I heard her, but one look into her eyes and all was forgiven for her terrible timing._ "Say I'm sorry C-C"

"Sorry C-C" she repeats as she puts another Cheerio in her mouth. "I love you" she says and my heart skips a beat hearing her say it again. _Why won't she tell me she loves me like that?_

His eyes light up and I think he forgets that he was supposed to be "mad" at her. "I love you, Princess" he says as she reaches from him. I try to keep the jealousy off of my face so I just back away and let them have their moment as I hear them talking about what they were going to do today.

"I made pancakes." I say pointing at the stove. "They're in the warmer. I have to go" I say pulling on my purse, and grabbing the coffee I made earlier.

"Pancakes!" Emma cheers as she kicks her feet against the chair and I giggle before heading towards the door.

"Hey" he says following me to the door. "We need a date night- you and me"

"A date night?"

"Yeah, where we go out and get dressed up, or maybe we don't and we just go somewhere where we can make out uninterrupted"

"Sounds great" I smile when I feel his lips against mine.

"She's going to say it"

"Say what?" I ask and I chastise myself for being so transparent.

"She's going to tell you she loves you. You know she loves you. More than anyone in the world, Ana"

I don't know what to say to his words so I lean forward and kiss him. It quickly turns into something more than the sweet peck I had anticipated, the feelings from this morning rushing through us. He backs me up against the door and I feel his tongue aggressively exploring my mouth. I'm wearing red lipstick that I know is about to be all over my face but I can't bring myself to pull away from his mouth. He groans as his hands find my chest and he squeezes letting his mouth break from mine and find my neck and the top of my chest. I think he's going to rip my blouse off of me and I'm seconds from letting him when I hear Emma. "Helloooo"

He groans against me before he pulls away from me and chuckles when he sees my face. "Maybe just fix it when you get in the car" he says rubbing his hand under my bottom lip. "Sorry baby"

"You should see yours" I giggle seeing my lipstick all over his mouth.

"Maybe I'll leave it. Remind me who's been there"

"You think you might forget?" I ask cheekily.

He shakes his head. "Never"

I smile before I give him one final kiss and then I'm out the door.

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

A few days later, I'm pulling into the driveway at the end of the day and I'm surprised to see another car in front of the house. I'm not completely sure who it is but all I know is I'm exhausted and I don't feel like entertaining anyone. It's been three days since Christian and I have gotten hot and heavy. Our schedules haven't been lining up as easily and when we have been in the same room, Emma has been needier than usual and harder to get to sleep. _I guess the terrible twos are upon us._ The last two nights, Christian has had late games and I've been asleep when he's gotten home. He woke me up the first night and we made out like crazy, both of us too tired to go further. And then last night, he collapsed into bed next to me, still fully clothed and I woke up to the suffocating feeling of him wrapped around me, still in his clothes. I enter the house to Emma squealing and I am already irritated that she's this wound up at six pm. _It's going to take forever to get her settled._ I sit my bag down and I see Emma running at me at full speed.

"Ana!" She squeals and I lean down to pick her up.

"Emma you are just a ball of energy right now, maybe we should go to the park and let you run around, huh?" I say kissing her cheek and walking with her into the kitchen. I'm surprised to see Elliot and Mia there eating cheese and crackers and some fruit that Christian must have laid out. _And on the right serving platters. Why Grey, color me shocked!_ "Hi guys" I smile and they both stare at me with the goofiest expressions.

"Hi!" Mia chimes in first. "Leave Emma with Elliott we have to go get you ready" she cheers.

"Ready?" I ask cocking my head to the side.

"Date with C-C!" Emma squeals as she claps her hands and I stare at her in awe at where she got that idea.

"Damn she really does repeat everything we say" I glare at him for saying 'damn' and I look at Emma and shake my head.

"No repeating Uncle Elliott, okay Em?"

She's clearly not paying attention to me, having become much more preoccupied with my necklace. She knows not to pull so I'm not worried but I do want her attention. "What is this about a date?"

"We are here to babysit, you and Christian are going out"

"Uh huh" I say looking around. "And where is Christian anyway?"

"Upstairs getting ready. Probably jack-" I shoot him a look before giving an exaggerated look to the little person in my arms that has literally become everyone's echo. "Okay well doing that" he says rolling his eyes.

Mia takes Emma out of my arms and hands her to Elliot before dragging me up the stairs. "Wait-" I say but she ignores me pulling me into my bedroom. She begins to rifle through my closet before she comes out.

"I had no idea you and my brother… Elliott said he's been hot for you since day one!"

I gasp at her comment. "What…?"

"Apparently you've been under my brother's skin for years. I haven't been around you guys as much but El says the tension between you guys was unreal"

I bite my lip wondering how many other people thought that Christian and I had crazy chemistry. _Did Michael and Alli see it too? What the hell, Al.. you couldn't have let me know? I mean I won't lie, Christian has accidentally starred in one or two of my fantasies over the years when my hand has been between my legs and no lie they've been the best solo orgasms of my life. But I didn't know I was giving off that aura. Fuck._

"Is that so?" I hear from the door and I see Christian leaning against it looking like he stepped out of a GQ Magazine. I love dark denim on a man and it looks even better on Christian. "Mia give us a second?"

She smiles at me before looking at her brother and skipping off downstairs. "Wear the black dress!" She says pointing at the bed at the dress she pulled out before she disappears.

"Anastasia" he says as he approaches me, pulling me into his arms and kissing me like his life depended on it. "I've been wanting to do that all day"

"Mmmm, it was worth the wait" I say as my eyes flutter open having regained semi consciousness after being kissed thoroughly.

"Is this okay? I thought we could get out for a little while… like we talked about? If you don't want to go or you're too tired, I can cancel the reservation. Mia and Elliott have been here for a few hours already and Emma loves them already. I know she didn't know them really all that well."

"No! It was so thoughtful of you to plan this, when do we need to go?"

"Our reservations are for seven thirty. So we just need to leave by seven"

"Perfect, I'll be ready"

He backs up slowly and I think he's going to leave when he closes the door and locking it. "Can I watch you get dressed?" He asks his eyes dancing playfully.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Surprisingly, I was ready by six forty five, and that was with Christian trying to fool around every two minutes. Finally I had to tell him to go, when he kept trying to take my panties off. At one point he had me pinned underneath him and his head was so far up my dress I thought he was going to rip it. I open the door to my bedroom at six fifty and see Christian standing in front of my door giving me a sinfully sexy smile. I would fling myself into his arms and kiss him if it weren't for the fact that he had Emma in his arms.

"Look Em, doesn't Ana look pretty?"

"Pretty Ana, Pretty Princess!"

"Why thank you Em" I say with a giggle before I kiss her forehead and then her nose. She grabs my cheeks and plants one on my lips like she always does and I'm glad I was smart enough to forego the lipstick until we left. I give Christian a quick peck and Emma frowns.

"C-C where's my kiss?" He starts to pepper her face with kisses.

"Now Em, you'll be good for Uncle Elliot and Auntie Mia, right?"

"I be good!" She says as we get to the bottom of the stairs. She kicks her feet and starts to run. "Auntie Mee-ya!" Mia catches her in the foyer and holds her tight.

"We are going to have so much fun right, Em?"

Emma looks at me and Christian and nods. "C-C Ana fun?!"

I nod and I realize I don't think she's put two and two together yet and I look at Christian wondering how he wants to field this. Christian walks towards Mia and pulls her gently from her grasp. "Emma, Ana and I need to talk to you for a second. Are you listening?" He says as her attention is on playing with the buttons of his shirt.

"Listenin" she says putting her ear close to his mouth as she thinks he's about to tell her a secret like he always does.

He chuckles before he sits down on the step and I sit next to him. "Princess, Ana and I are going to go out for a little while and you are going to stay with Aunt Mia and Uncle Elliott"

She furrows her brow and I don't think she understands. "Ana and C-C go, I stay?"

"Yes, Em but just for a little while!" I say.

"Go bye?" She asks the tears flooding her blue eyes and trickling down her cheeks. My heart breaks in this moment as Emma clings to Christian. "Please don't go bye. Please don't!"

"Just for a little while, we'll be back, Princess!" Christian says and Emma is now borderline sobbing.

"C-C NO!" She says standing up in his lap and wrapping her little arms around his neck. "Pease pease pease!"

"Emma" I say my eyes welling up with tears, I begin to rub her back gently when she turns her head to look at me. "We're coming right back! I promise"

She shakes her head before reaching for me and only then does she completely lose it. I feel her tears against my chest as she clings to me like I'm a life raft. "Ana please no" she grabs my face with both hands and pushes my cheeks together giving me a kiss. "No leave" she says her sobs having subsided but the tears still running down her little face.

"Please don't cry Em" I say wiping her tears from her face. "It's just for a little while"

"Ana, no! I love you, please!" My heart shatters into a million pieces hearing her say those words finally but thinking that she's only saying it because she's afraid that I don't feel the same.

I squeeze her tiny body to mine and kiss her forehead. "I love you so much, you know that" Her eyes are boring into mine as if to say _Okay then don't leave me!_ "Do you want to go read Sam?" I ask and her face which usually lights up just stares at me with a pout before she nods once.

"Baby-" I hear next to me and I shake my head.

"I know we have reservations, but we can't leave her like this"

"She will be okay, parents leave their babies with sitters all the time"

"It's been like three weeks Christian, she probably thinks if we go we won't come back… it's already happen to her once" I say sadly, as I stand up and cradle Emma's head to my chest. "I can't leave letting her think that we are abandoning her." I carry her up to her room giving her kisses on the way. Once we sit down in the rocking chair, I pull her away from my chest to look at her.

"You know Ana loves you so much, right?" She nods once. "C-C and I will never leave you" I whisper looking at her glossy eyes.

"No leave?"

"No" I whisper. "But… C-C and I want to go out for a little while… but… we won't be long"

"Go?" she sniffles and I wipe her nose gently.

"Just for a little"

"Be back?"

"Of course we are coming back"

Her lip juts out a little as she puts her head on my chest again. "Read Sam?"

I nod as I pull out her favorite book and begin reading. Twenty five minutes, and three readings of it she perks her head up. I'm shocked she's not asleep but I have a feeling she's fighting fatigue because she's afraid Christian and I will leave the second her eyes close. I see Christian in the door, his eyes furrowed. "I cancelled the reservation"

I nod. "I'm sorry" I say sadly and I'm greeted with the most breathtaking smile before he walks over to us and kneels down.

"Why are you sorry? For being there for Emma? Don't be sorry. You're a fantastic mommy... and this is new to both of us" he smiles and my heart lurches hearing him say those words.

Emma's ears perk up and looks at Christian before looking at me her eyebrows drawing together. "Mommy?" she says pointing at me.

"Ana" I reply before I look at Christian unknowing what to say.

Emma looks at Christian the same way, before she cocks her head to the side. She points at him. "Daddy?"

"C…" he starts before he looks at me. "Well Emma, what do you want to call us?"

"Call you?" She repeats and I worry in this moment we've confused her beyond belief.

Her eyes well up with tears and before I know it she's sobbing again. Christian drops his head. "Shit" he groans. I smack his shoulder lightly at his profanity and he shakes his head. "I just want to be alone with you for one hour! Why is this so hard!" He says exasperated before he leaves the room and my heart sinks at his frustration. I know he loves Emma more than anything but in this moment I don't think he's too happy with her unwillingness to cooperate. It takes another thirty minutes to calm her down but we finally do and Christian makes it very clear that we are still leaving. We are at the bottom of the stairs giving her final kisses goodbye and although she seems wary about us leaving she seems like she won't be bursting into fit of sobs anytime soon. We've taken two steps out of the door when I hear one huge wail and I turn to Christian. "Keep walking" he says pulling me towards my Range Rover. "She'll be okay. I promise"

I sigh as I get into the car, opting to let Christian drive as he does so often. "So where to now?" He asks.

"Somewhere with alcohol and a bed" I say rubbing my forehead to quiet the pounding that started over an hour ago.

He looks at me, his eyes questioning. "You don't want to go to dinner?"

"The only thing I want in my mouth right now is your dick" I smile at him and he chuckles before starting my car and pulling out of our driveway.


	8. It's Love

Despite Ana's sexy remark about wanting my dick for dinner, we thought it would be best if we actually got some food… at least first. We were both starving despite the sexual tension crackling between us, so that is how we found ourselves at a quiet diner across town ordering pancakes and bacon at 9 o'clock at night. "It'll get easier right?" Ana asks as she eyes me over her orange juice before she puts the straw to her mouth and takes a significant sip. _Is she doing that on purpose? Because all I can see now are those pink lips around my cock the way she's got them around that straw._

I lean forward and gently pull the straw from between her lips. "Don't use the straw." She eyes me curiously but a part of me wonders if she's feigning innocence because I see a hint of playfulness in her piercing blue eyes. "It's distracting" I say. She bites her bottom lip, undoubtedly affected by my words before I feel her foot rubbing up and down my leg. She must have kicked off her heel, because all I feel is a bare foot that is now making its way up my leg underneath my pants. _Maybe dinner wasn't such a good idea. We are both wound so tight and desperate for the release that at any moment I think we could snap. I see Ana's lips moving but all I can see is me sliding through her folds. Fuck. What did she say?_ "What did you say?"

She cocks her head to the side and narrows her eyes at me. "I knew you weren't listening"

"I'm sorry I just…" I trail off, not wanting to give her a glimpse of the pornographic thoughts I'm having about her right now. "I can't fucking focus on anything"

"You wanted to come get dinner, I was perfectly fine with doing something to… take the edge off first" she giggles and my cock twitches. _Jesus fucking Christ, can Ana do anything without me getting hard?_ I take a sip of the ice water in front of me hoping it will cool me down. _I wish I could submerge my dick in it._ "But I was asking, if it would get easier… leaving Emma. I mean she'll get used to it right?"

"She's going to have to…" I say, dreading the idea that we will have to go through this every time we want to go out.

"Maybe when she gets a little older" she says letting out a deep sigh and I'm honestly ready to reach across the table and shove my dick down her throat. _She's definitely doing this on purpose._

"We should go" I say as I make eye contact with the waitress, effectively getting her attention.

"What? I'm not done my pancakes!"

"Fuck the pancakes, Ana. If I don't get inside of you in the next twenty minutes, I'm going to burst." I shoot her a look. "Literally" I pause. "Besides your pancakes are better anyway"

We are barely in the car when I've pulled Ana across the console, and I've pressed my lips to hers. "Where… are… we… going?" She pants between kisses and I pull away from her mouth and trail kisses down her face and neck. _I need to get her naked._

 _I wish we could just go to one of our places, but I don't think the people that we are subletting our apartments to would be too happy about that._ "I have keys to Elliott's house. We'll go there"

"Will he be okay with that…? I mean us using his place to…" she trails off.

"Of all the people in my life, he will understand… I would say we could go home but Emma seems hell bent on not letting this happen and I just…" I grip the steering wheel willing my hard-on to go down yet again. "I just want to make love to you for the first time, uninterrupted." _Make love… Grey, when have you ever made love to anyone? But with Ana… I'll have to figure something out because Ana absolutely deserves the hearts and flowers. She deserves the fucking world._

She smiles at me and I can't help the flutter in my heart at how beautiful she looks. _This girl is going to be the death of me. Her and the little one at home with similar blue eyes._ "Elliott's it is then" she whispers before she looks out the window. I start the car, and pull out of the parking lot when I see something in my peripherals… and then I feel it. Ana is leaning across the center console and has her hand between my legs, rubbing me through my pants, _hard_.

"Ana" I groan putting my hand on top of hers. _To remove it? To keep it in place? I have no idea._ But in this moment I am fighting with myself on what my hand is doing on top of hers. The hedonist part overtakes the rational part and I push her hand hard against me. We are at a stoplight when I chance a look at her, and I can already feel the precum leaking out of my dick, and streaming down my shaft when I see her other hand coming towards my pants. _I'm so fucked._ Before the light turns green, Ana has my pants unzipped and my dick out. She looks back and forth between my eyes and my penis before she's on the move, face first towards my crotch. I move through the light, gripping the steering wheel so hard that my knuckles turn white as I try and focus more on driving and less on the slurping noises Ana is making as she bobs up and down on my dick. I hear her moan and whimper and the sounds drown out everything else, especially the sound of the horn coming from behind me indicating that I need to stop veering into their lane. "Shit!" I say under my breath but Ana is unphased, her hot wet mouth still moving up and down on my dick. I pull into the parking lot of a public park not wanting to be on the dark windy road to Elliott's house while my dick is in her mouth. I know I'm seconds from coming, and I have a feeling I will lose control. I feel her nails digging into my thighs and I put my hand on her head as she begins to deepthroat me, pushing my cock to the back of her throat and then to the front of her mouth. _Fuck, she sucks dick like a pro._ I frown thinking about how many men that have been lucky enough to have had this luxury when I shake the thoughts from my head. _She's mine now. Only mine._ I know this angle has to be hard on her neck so I try to get her to stop but she only sucks harder. "Baby, we can wait till we get to Elliott's"

"Mmmm-mmm" she says telling me no the best way she can with her mouth full. I feel her hand stroking my balls through my slacks and I groan at the feeling.

"Ana" I growl feeling myself teetering on the edge. She must know that I'm close because she bares her teeth for the first time, dragging them up my shaft and I lose it. I push down on her head and thrust my hips upward as much as I can in this position as I feel my cum shoot out of me and into her wanting mouth. I push a hand through her hair, moving it out of the way and reach for the ceiling light, illuminating the car knowing I want nothing more than to see her swallow my cum. She pulls my cock out of her mouth after she's taken everything I've had to offer, and rubs the tip of my penis over her lips coating them with the residue of her spit and my cum. She sits up and looks at me before running her tongue over both top and bottom lip, wiping them clean. _Fuck. Me._ "You're a sex goddess" I say leaning across and sliding my hand behind her neck and pulling her lips to mine. I slide my tongue through her lips, tasting myself and a hint of maple syrup on her tongue before I pull her across the console and into my lap. My penis is still out, and growing despite my recent orgasm. She begins to rock against me, my bare cock rubbing against her pussy that's only covered by a thin layer of fabric. I haven't dry humped in ages but I think there's a good chance both of us will come if we keep this up. I wrap my hands around her back and thank God that Ana chose to wear a loose fitting dress, that allows me to pull it down and access her breasts with ease.

"Christian" she moans as my mouth finds her nipple. I circle it with my tongue before sucking it into my mouth all the while my other hand is stimulating her other breast. I let her go with a pop before I submerge my face between them, rubbing my face against them both causing her to moan. _I think she likes the stubble._ I'm about to suggest we move to the back when there's a knock on the window breaking us from our sexual haze. The windows have long fogged up so we can't see exactly who it is, but we have an idea. _Shit._

Ana immediately pulls her dress up, covering her bare breasts before scrambling quickly back to her seat. I roll the window down halfway to see the man in uniform raising an eyebrow at me. "Move it along folks" he says. "Y'all don't have somewhere better to do this?"

"Sorry.. officer" Ana says softly before tucking a hair behind her ear nervously. "We have a baby at home…and…" she trails off allowing him to fill in the blanks.

"Cock blocking ya, huh?" He chuckles before looking at me and I breathe a sigh of relief that it seems he's going to give us a pass. "Oh been there. How old?" He asks

"Almost two" I say.

"They'll get over it, I remember those days" he laughs shaking his head.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We pull onto Elliott's street and I park in his driveway. "I can't believe we got caught" Ana says putting her hands over her eyes.

"Me either, I feel like a teenager trying to fool around with my girlfriend anywhere I can without my parents knowing." I say pulling her hand from her eyes and rubbing my lips along them.

"Our parent meaning Emma?" Ana laughs to herself but I hear the sarcasm in her voice.

I barely have her Range Rover in park before we are bolting for Elliott's front door. I feel Ana's hand on my crotch and her lips are on my neck as I press her hard against the door. I'm trying to remember which key is Elliott's but I can't focus with Ana's tongue rubbing my pulse point. "Fucking hell, Ana" I groan. I pull her chin up and attack her lips. I don't even realize I've dropped the keys until I hear them against the cement. My hands weave into her hair when she pulls back.

"Let us in" she whines as she raises her leg to wrap around my waist. "I can't wait to get inside… and get you inside of me" she groans as she begins to rock herself against me. _Fuck which key is it… and it's so dark._

"Baby I need a light, I can't tell which key it is"

"Why do you have so many keys!" She says as she pulls her phone out and shines it over what must resemble a janitor ring of keys.

"My parents, my siblings, a few rooms at the station, my apartment, our house… that shit adds up"

She rolls her eyes as I'm trying key after key, as what Elliott's key looks like escapes me. "And you're telling me you don't label?!"

I shoot her a look, not in the mood for her smart mouth and she huffs at me. _I'm just as horny as you are baby. Probably moreso._ Ten minutes later, I've gone through every key on my ring at least twice. "What the fuck?" I say banging a fist against the door. _Does the universe just not want this to happen? I don't want to fuck her right here in front of my brothers neighborhood but I'm tempted._ I rest my forehead against hers. "Baby…I don't think this is going to happen right now"

She bites her bottom lip and nods sadly before her eyes light up as if she has an idea. "Maybe your brother and sister are fantastic babysitters and she's already asleep!" She says as we walk hand in hand back to her car.

XXXXXXXXXXXX

 _Famous. Last. Words._ My eyes widen as I walk into our house. Every light is on, the television is on, toys are strewn everywhere and our so-called babysitters are asleep, Mia curled up on the couch and Elliott in our reclining chair. I could maybe forgive them for falling asleep if the person they are supposed to be watching wasn't bouncing up and down in her playpen staring at the television. The noise of us coming in the door catches her attention and she looks away from the TV and towards us, her eyes lighting up immediately. "C-C Anaaaaaa HOME!" She says clapping her hands and putting her arms up for one of us to pick her up. Her squeal wakes up Mia and she stares at us with wide eyes before looking at Emma. Ana disappears into the kitchen as I move towards Emma.

"Really Mia?" I say picking Emma up and kissing her cheek. "It's eleven at night"

"I swear she was asleep!" She says before she tosses a stuffed animal at Elliott waking him up.

"What!?" He says shooting straight up and looking at me, then Mia, and then the very awake child in my arms.

"What part of early bedtime didn't you guys get?"

"And what did you guys do to my kitchen?!" Ana says coming back into the living room having inspected the damage. "It looks like a tornado ripped through it."

"Well.. we weren't sure what to make her"

"I left you instructions!" Ana exclaims.

"We were trying out our culinary skills?" Elliott shrugs before giving her a sheepish grin and I groan.

"Are you all kidding? You're the worst babysitters of all time!"

"All tiiiiime!" Emma repeats and I can't help but laugh.

"You tell em, Emma. And what the f-" I look at Emma before handing her to Ana. "Time for B-E-D" I spell out and I hope Ana gets my double meaning. _Emma is going to bed and God willing so are we. So put her to bed while I throw my useless siblings out._

"Say goodnight Emma!" Ana says and Mia bee lines for her, smothering her with kisses.

"Bye-bye Emmy-kins! Auntie Mia is going to miss you so much!"

After Ana literally had to pry Emma out of my sisters hands, she heads upstairs and I look at my brother. "Why doesn't my key work?!" I say as soon as Emma is out of earshot.

"Your key to what?"

"To your house!"

"And… why are you at my house?"

"Because I-" I look at Mia. "Can you clean up the mess you made in Ana's kitchen?"

Mia huffs and looks between us. "Elliott made the bigger mess!"

"Did not!" Elliott says and I swear it's like they're Emma's age.

"Mia!" I say exasperatedly and point towards the kitchen. She stomps off and I look at my brother. "I just need some time alone with her. And I was hoping I could while you were watching Emma so that she didn't interrupt like she's been doing all week!"

"So my house is just a fuckpad then?"

"I'm not even going to answer that" I say raising an eyebrow at him.

"Fuck you man, you've had just as much pussy before you got locked down. And I just changed my locks."

"Why?"

"I broke up with Stacey and she had keys" he shrugs.

"You gave her keys? You were sleeping with her what- a month?"

"She would have dinner ready when I got home…" he shrugs again. "Sue me" I shake my head at my brother. _While we both have had our fair share of women in the past, Elliott always allowed things to get too far in that the women would fall for him and it was always a nightmare when he inevitably ended it. Myself on the other hand got in and got out early. No strings, no feelings, no broken hearts. Well… until now._ "So you couldn't get in? Or did you break one of my windows"

"Honestly I think my dick could in fact cut glass right now" I say rubbing a hand over my eyes. "And it doesn't help that you have Emma up bouncing off the walls at eleven pm!"

"Dude, I'm sorry" he says holding his hands up in defense. "She really did fall asleep. She must have woken back up"

"Why isn't she upstairs in bed?" I ask.

"We thought if we moved her she would wake up"

I sigh. "Fine. Can you guys just go? The second Emma is asleep… I swear I've never been this wound up" I say running a hand through my hair.

"I can't believe you guys have made it this long" Elliott says his eyebrows shooting to his hairline.

"Trust me it is not by choice" I groan.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

As soon as I shut the door behind my siblings, I'm instantly moving up the stairs, taking them two at a time. I reach Emma's room and I'm shocked yet pleased to see that the room is already dark. I walk through the room and see that Emma is passed out cold. _Praise the Lord, stay asleep princess. Please!_ I kiss her forehead and smooth her hair back before I move out of the room in search of Ana. I search her room and my eyes narrow when I hear the faint sounds of running water. I enter Michael and Alli's old room and I see the light for their bathroom on and realize that's where Ana is showering. I enter the bathroom, the steam floating through the air as I see Ana in the shower through the clear glass. The water is making her body glisten as I see her rinsing the shampoo from her hair. I don't even realize that I've pulled all of my clothes off until I'm entering the shower. She turns around and looks at me, her eyes raking my body, once, twice, three times. She bites her bottom lip and as usual it causes my cock to twitch. _I need her. Now._

"I-I was hoping you'd join me" she whispers as I move towards her backing her against the wall in the shower.

"I want to fuck you" I say knowing that I'm not leaving this shower without knowing what her insides feel like.

"Okay" she whispers.

"Are you okay with that happening without a condom?"

"I thought you were trying to knock me up?" She smiles cheekily and I smile before letting it fade.

"Ana I… I've never had sex without a condom"

"Oh" she says letting her smile fade, as she misconstrues what I mean.

"No, baby.. I mean, I'm clean. I just wanted you to know that you're safe… with me"

"Oh" she whispers. "Me too. I mean.. I've never done that either. And I was tested after the last time I had sex. One night stand" she shrugs. "You just never know" she winces and I resist the urge to yank her from the shower and put her over my knee just so she knows who she belongs to going forward.

"There will be none of that shit for the rest of your life, Ana." I almost growl as I give her a stern look.

She looks down at my penis before up into my eyes before she gives me a small smile. "Yes sir" she whispers and I swear my cock jumps in excitement. I back her against the wall before I lift her leg up to wrap around my waist. I slide my hand between us and rub her through her folds as my lips find her neck. I lick and kiss and bite to the point that there's a red mark forming and even still I continue my assault. _She's going to have a fit tomorrow when she has to go to work. But right now, the way she's moaning and writhing like a cat in heat, I don't think she minds too much._ I don't even know how long we kiss before we end up on the floor of the shower. Alli and Michael's walk-in shower is something out of a magazine so there is plenty of room to do what we've both been needing for days. _This wasn't my ideal first place to make love to Ana, but… we're here and it will work._ Ana is sitting, leaning back on her elbows her legs wide open for me as the water which we've turned down is trickling down her body. I'm captivated as I watch the water move in rivulets down her body. I try and catch them with my mouth on her neck, her breasts, between her legs, everywhere the falling water hits her creamy skin. I'm trying to lap up every bit of water as more and more touches her body every second before I kneel between her legs, and rub my cock through her folds that are wet both from the shower and her arousal. She throws her head back as the tip of my cock and my shaft rub against her clit. "I've fantasized about this for so long" she moans. "Despite the fact that you were a pain in my ass"

"Is that so" I say as I begin to stroke my cock as it hovers over her pussy. I line my cock up with her opening and slide into her gently. I'm halfway in before I pull out, before going slowly in again and then back out. By the third stroke, I've submerged myself fully inside of her and I can hardly focus on anything except for not exploding inside of her this quickly. I've never felt this type of closeness with any woman, and as I look down at Ana who's got her eyes closed and her head thrown back in ecstasy I know that this is the woman I'm supposed to be with for the rest of my life. _Dammit, Michael was right. Did you have to die just to prove your fucking point?_ I shake my head at the dark, morbid thought and focus on the woman begging me to move beneath me. I feel her hands at my back, her nails digging into my skin and her mouth at my shoulder.

"Fuck me" she whispers and I do. I begin to pound into her at a punishing speed. I will admit it's not the most comfortable position, the marble floors of the shower not particularly pleasant on my knees, but I wouldn't stop for anything in the world. My lips and tongue find hers, fucking her mouth in a similar way that I'm fucking her pussy. I tangle one hand in her wet hair, as the other hand is being used to hold myself up over her. I'm shocked when I feel myself being moved to my back and Ana is straddling me, my cock never leaving the place I imagine it will be for the better part of the rest of my life. Her hands find my chest as she moves up and down on my cock and before I know it, I feel the familiar feeling in my balls.

"Baby, I'm going to come" I say, my hands finding her breasts and squeezing gently. "Are you close?"

Her hands immediately find the place between us as she begins to rub quickly to catch up with me. "Fuck, I'm there too" she moans, after a few swipes of her finger. Her hands find her breasts as she leans her head back and the visual of this siren playing with her nipples is enough to push me over the edge as I explode inside of her.

"Ana!" I moan out. "Fuck me" I growl feeling myself twitch inside her as I feel her contract above me.

"Christian" she cries out. She immediately drops to my chest, her mouth finding mine instantaneously and kissing me through the remainder of her orgasm. She pulls away from my mouth and presses her face into my neck as the aftershocks continue to move through her. She shudders twice against me and I rub her back gently as she comes down from her high. She sits up and eyes me through hooded eyes. "That was amazing. Worth the wait" she says as she moves slightly, letting me fall out of her. "I couldn't have asked for a better first time"

"I perform better in a bed" I joke.

"This… this was perfect" she giggles as she leans over and kisses me gently.

"You're perfect" I murmur against her lips. _And she was. And mine._

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

Over the next few weeks, it got easier. Emma was more agreeable, and Ana and I had each other all over the house. In the morning before Emma woke up, in the evening when she went to bed were the best times, but then there were the quickies while Emma watched an episode of "Dora the Explorer" _,_ the time I came home in the middle of the day, while Emma was napping and fucked Ana on our couch. Or the time I went down on her while she was icing her cupcakes. _Her face was priceless when I swiped a finger through her once she had come and spread her arousal over an un-iced cupcake. Frankly, she tasted better than the icing. I was falling more and more in love with Anastasia Steele and with the life that I thought was dumped in my lap. The truth was this was the life I was meant to have. I hate the way I got it, and I would give anything to have Michael and Alli here but I wouldn't trade Ana and Emma for anything. Ever. Emma still called us Ana and C-C but it was few and far between. I had a feeling that it was only a matter of weeks, maybe days before she started using the M and D word._ _Ana and I haven't said 'I love you' yet but I think we both know how we feel about each other. I'm in love with her, which is why I'm in the kitchen attempting to cook her dinner. Operative word being- attempt._

"Emma does this look right?" I say looking at my 'little helper' as she stands next to me with her bowl and spoon Ana gives her when she's "helping." Ana loves pesto, I swear she'd eat it on anything, so here I am trying to make a pesto pasta with chicken and completely regretting it. "I should have just gone with spaghetti"

"Pas-getti!?" Emma cheers, her eyes wide as I mention one of her favorite foods.

She stands on her tippy toes and looks at my noodles that have already been boiled and are sitting in the colander. "Pas-getti!" she claps her hands recognizing the noodles.

"Sorta" I say looking at her. "You'll like it"

"I like it!" She says reaching into the bowl and pulling out a few noodles and putting them in her mouth before I can stop her.

The chicken is almost ready when I hear the front door open and close and I see Ana walk through the kitchen. Emma immediately hops off her stool and bolts for her and Ana pulls her into her arms.

"Hi, pumpkin. How was your day!?" She kisses her cheeks repeatedly and Emma squeals with laughter.

"We make pas-getti!"

"Oh?" Ana says and I give her a worried glance.

"Not spaghetti. Pasta with pesto and chicken."

"Oh!" She says moving towards me and seeing the disaster I've made of the counter. "Do you need help?"

I shake my head. "No, go change. It'll be ready soon."

"Okay" she nods before presenting her lips to me. I lean down and kiss her.

"How was your day?" I ask before I brush her hair from her eyes and press another kiss to her forehead.

"Good, long. I missed you and Emma today"

"Well good thing tomorrow, neither of us have to work and we can spend the whole day together"

She smiles a smile that lights up the room before she heads out of the room, with Emma in her arms as she babbles about her day. That night, Ana and I made love well through the night into the wee hours of the morning. We spent the day, playing non stop with Emma. We took her to the park, perhaps one of the last warm days of fall as the seasons change into winter. We got ice cream, and then sat Emma between us on the couch and watched a myriad of children's shows. Emma was asleep in minutes, and Ana and I spent the duration of her nap, making out on the couch. _It was perfect._

XXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's mid-December when Ana and I have our first fight, approximately six weeks after we first got together.

She stomps her foot on the ground. "You have to get rid of your bike Christian. This is getting ridiculous. You promised me over a month ago"

"I know I just…"

"Just what! It's not safe!"

"It's perfectly safe, Anastasia. You're being dramatic"

"And you're being selfish!"

"I'M being selfish?"

"Yes! You have a daughter and… a woman that… lo- wants to keep you around!" _My heart skips a beat hearing what she almost said and I completely forget that I'm supposed to be irritated with her._ I stalk towards her, cupping her face with my hands and smile at her.

"What were you going to say?"

She tries to pull away knowing that this fight is about to be over once she tells me what I know in my heart to be true. "Nothing" I hold her in place.

"Say it" I demand.

"Say what?"

"A woman that…?" She purses her lips as if she's refusing to say it when I cock my head at her. "We've been dancing around it for weeks." I say rubbing my nose against hers. "I know you're in love with me, Ana" she rolls her eyes and I squeeze her face in response. "I'm in love with you too" I whisper.

She smiles upon hearing my words and allows me to pull her into a tight hug. "Then you understand that I need you around… motorcycles are dangerous"

"I know, and I'm sorry that I've been worrying you. We'll go this weekend?"

She smiles. "I promise you don't have to get a minivan"

"Oh, I wasn't getting one anyway" I say as I slide my hand over her ass and squeeze.

A few days later, I got an Audi Q7. They were allegedly one of the safest SUVs on the market and I had always been partial to the car. It appeased Ana, and within twenty minutes of it being off the lot, we christened it before we went back home. Emma was just thrilled with my new car and wanted to ride in it as soon as possible… which reminded us that we needed another car seat.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I'm lying in Ana's bed, also known as the bed that we sleep in together every night with Emma curled up against me. I'm teetering in and out of consciousness as I wait for Ana to get home, the flakes of the first snowfall of the season hitting the window. I was a bit worried about her driving in the snow but she assured me she was leaving right away, so I knew she would be home before the roads got bad. I'm pulled completely out of sleep as I hear my phone blaring next to me. I rub my eyes as Emma's head perks up from next to me, the phone interrupting her afternoon nap. "Phone!" She screeches and I nod pulling her close to me and kissing her forehead.

"Yes thank you, princess. I hear it" I say pulling the phone from her grasp. I yawn as I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

I'm not prepared for the words on the other end and I feel my heart stop as I sit up in bed replaying the words over and over. " _There's been an accident…. Anastasia Steele...Emergency contact…."_ I think I've missed almost everything that has been said except for those words.

"Wait… what? Repeat that.. All of that…" I say my hands shaking as I think about Ana… _my Ana_ … _Emma's Ana_ … hurt. I feel my heart start to race and I feel like I can't catch my breath.

"Mr. Grey, Anastasia was conscious when she left the scene. But the accident was serious, a car hit a patch of ice and slid into her car as she was moving through the intersection."

"But she's okay… she's fine? She's alive? She-has to be. I- I love her" _I know this has nothing to do with whether or not she's alive but in this moment, I feel that they should know. That she has people waiting for her. Me and… a daughter… and..._ I look down at Emma who is looking at me with wide eyes.

"Why you sad?" She says as she stands up on the bed and rubs my cheek with her hand. _In the past few weeks, due to both myself and Ana, Emma's vocabulary has grown immensely. She really does repeat everything we say._ I feel the tears streaming down my face as I pull her to my chest and hold her tight. Forgetting myself and the devastation I would feel over losing Ana, I think about the little person in my arms that would lose yet another mother in the span of six months. _No. Ana is fine. She's fine. She's perfect._ I chant in my head.

"Hello? Mr. Grey are you there?"

"Yes… I… I think I'm in shock"

"Of course, are you able to drive?"

"I- I need to be there now, with her. I'm on my way."

"She may be in surgery by the time you arrive, but just proceed to the Intensive Care Unit."

"ICU? You said she was conscious" I say my hands beginning to sweat.

"Conscious yes, but she was not stable"

"You take care of my girl. I'll be there, soon"

"Please be careful, the roads are beginning to ice"

I put the phone down and pull Emma into my lap. _As much as I know Ana will want to see Emma the second she wakes up, I don't want to take her out in this weather._ "Princess" I say softly pulling her into my lap and kissing her head. "You'll be my big, brave, girl right?" I say cheerily as to not worry Emma even further.

"I'm a big girl!" She cheers and I nod.

"You'll stay here with J-" I put my hands over my eyes as I think about the last time Jenny, the teenage girl from down the street babysat. _The night she lost her parents._ Ana and I, although Jenny was a sweet girl, wanted to wait until Emma wouldn't associate her with that night before we brought her back. _I need to get to the hospital and I don't want to wait until anyone gets here to babysit. Nor do I want anyone out driving unnecessarily. But this is necessary._ I pull out my phone and call my brother knowing he'd run here if he had to.

"Baby bro!" He says into the phone and before he can get out a joke I break down just hearing his voice.

"What is it? Tell me what happened" he says, his voice as panicked as I feel and I sniffle hating that I'm crying right now, but knowing that I'll lose it if I have to go through what I went through with Michael yet again.

"Ana-" I say. "She… she can't leave me" I say. At this point, Emma is still standing next to me on the bed her little arms wrapped around my neck and her head on my shoulder. _Is she trying to comfort me? Whatever it is, it's working. Maybe I should take her with me._

"What happened? You guys were doing so well? Hell half the time you're calling I think you're telling me you're getting married"

"No no not like that…" _God, I wish it were that. At least, she would be okay. Safe. Not hurt._ I say rubbing my forehead. "She- she was in an accident. And- I have to go and be there with her. I need to be there with her now. But I don't want to take Emma out in this. Can you come over and watch her?"

I hear the ignition from his car before I even hear his words. "I'm on my way bro, hang tight." I go to end the call when I hear him again. "It's going to be okay, Ana is going to be fine"

"I just keep replaying the last conversation I had when someone called me saying that there had been an accident…." I trail off. "I can't lose Ana… _I can't_ "

I get off the phone and Emma pulls away from me and looks at me curiously. _Can she sense that something is wrong?_ I hold her close before I carry her to the room that has all of my things so I can pull on my shoes and coat.

"Leaving?" She asks and I kneel before her.

"Yes, you'll stay with Uncle Lelliott?"

"Not with you?"

I shake my head at her. "No, princess"

She nods, as she understands that there are times that Ana and I aren't here. "Coming back?"

"Of course I am. Me and Ana both" I kiss her nose and my heart sinks wondering if I shouldn't have promised her that. _No, Ana is coming back. She would never leave Emma. She would never leave me._

 **A/N: Ana is not going to die!**


	9. Life is But a Dream

"Why are you sad?" I hear next to me as I sit on the steps waiting for the knocks indicating that Elliott is here. I don't even realize that I'm crying until I feel Emma's hand on my cheek. "Don't cry, C-C" I hear before she wipes under my eyes and presses a kiss to my cheek. She rests her head on my shoulder before she climbs into my lap, clinging to me. _Children are so intuitive and empathetic._ "Want to sing?" She says as she looks up at me.

"Sing?" I ask looking at her.

"To feel better" She says. "Ana sings when I'm sad" And just hearing Ana's name makes me feel like someone is stomping on my chest. _I can't breathe._ She must sense my pain because she starts to sing softly.

"Row row row your boat" she starts. "Gently down the stream… Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily, life is but a dream" she sings almost perfectly and it does almost nothing for the tears forming in my eyes as that's the song Ana sings to Emma almost every night before bed.

"Princess" I choke out as I squeeze her before setting her on the step next to me. "Do you remember… your mommy and daddy?" Her brows furrow and she looks up at me her eyes blinking several times. _Has she forgotten them?_ I decide that I can't do this conversation now, without Ana…

"Mommy and daddy?" She asks and her brows furrow further as she looks in her lap as if the answers are there. "Mommy and daddy?" she whispers to herself as if she's trying to jar her memory. I cup her tiny face to look at me.

"Hey, it's okay" I whisper and pull her into my lap. "Sing that song for me again"

She begins to sing when my phone rings. I don't even look at the name before I put the phone to my ear. "Hello?"

The first thing I hear is crying and almost… hysteria before I hear Ana's father. "Christian?"

"Mr. Steele" I say quietly, and I know why he's calling.

"Did the hospital call you?"

"Yes" I say unable to form any other words.

"Are you going there now?"

"I'm waiting for my brother to get here to watch Emma"

Emma who is still singing looks up at me. "Who me?" She asks and I give her a small smile before I kiss her nose.

"Yes you"

"Couldn't be!" She cheers and I smile knowing what my next line is.

"Then who?"

"You're not bringing her?" I hear through my phone bringing me out of my momentary game with Emma.

"No, I don't want to take her out in this"

"Ana will want to see her when she wakes up" he says.

"Ana would not want her out in this" I reply. _You don't get a vote here, Ray. Back off. This is my family. I make the call._

He sighs and I can hear the defeat in his voice. "Fine. We should be there in a few minutes."

"I'll meet you there" I say.

"Okay." He says, his clipped tone matching mine. "It's going to be okay, son. Ana is going to be fine" He says his voice much softer and warmer. _I know he's beside himself just as I am._

"I love her" I whisper into the receiver. "Emma and I need her"

Ana's parents know that we've become involved but I'm not sure that they know how serious things have gotten so I'm surprised at the next words I hear through the phone. "Ana would never leave you… either of you"

"She can't" I whisper. _Him promising me that Ana will be fine is the same as me promising it to Emma. Is that what parenting is all about? A series of small lies to protect our children from the cold, hard truths of life?_

I hear my doorbell and it breaks me from my thoughts. "My brother is here, I'll be there soon"

"Drive safe, Christian." I hang up the phone and open the door allowing my brother to walk through the door.

"The snow looks like it's slowing down, but they're saying it might start up again in an hour. You should get out of here… but… you're okay to drive right? I know you're distracted and upset. Maybe you shouldn't be driving either" Elliott says as he looks out the window before turning to me with a worried expression.

"I have to be with Ana" I say staring at him as if he's crazy if he thinks that I'm not going to be with the woman I love.

"I can drive you"

"The whole reason you're here is to not have Emma out in this" I say shaking my head but the thought of having Emma with me does calm me slightly.

"I'll drive slow"

"I don't know if I want to take Emma to a hospital"

Emma bites her bottom lip as if she's trying to keep up with our conversation and looks up at me with wide blue eyes. "Hospital?" She's back in my lap and climbs to stand on my thigh. "C-C" she says wrapping her arms around me neck. "I go with you"

"Emma…" I trail off wondering how I got to this point in my life where I'm negotiating with a two year old.

"C-C" she says the tears flooding her piercing blue eyes. "C-C please… don't leave me" _She seemed fine with me leaving her before. I wonder if she feels the tension radiating off of me. The tears… I wonder if she can sense that she's comforting me. Maybe she can see that I'm slowly falling apart._

I sigh not having the energy to argue with Elliott or Emma right now. "Fine, let's get your coat and boots, sweetheart"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

We are driving through the streets towards the hospital. I'm sitting in the back with Emma as she's doing well at keeping my mind off of Ana at least for the moment. She held her hand out for me to hold the second we got in the car and she hasn't let go since. We get to the hospital safely and Elliott pulls up to the front, allowing us to get out while he parks the car. I immediately move through the hospital and to the "Intensive Care Unit." Usually Emma would be talking up a storm, but she's quieter than usual and it worries me. Once we get off the elevator I put her down, as I've been carrying her since we got out of the car and drop to one knee in front of her. "Emma, are you okay?"

She nods as she looks around taking in her surroundings. _I know she hasn't spent any time in hospitals so I know she has no concept of where we are or what we are doing here._ "Yes" _I wonder if she knows something is wrong… and that it involves Ana._

"Everything is going to be okay, Emma." I say and she nods. "Do you believe me?"

"Believe you?" She asks and I think she's having trouble grasping the word.

"I'll-" I sigh wondering how to explain it. "I'll keep you safe, Emma, I promise"

"Promise" she whispers back and I scoop her in my arms and kiss her tiny face. She rests her head on my shoulder as I walk down a hallway. I push through double doors and see Ana's mother, Carla waiting next to a nurse's station. "Christian!"

Emma immediately clutches me tighter telling me that she doesn't want to leave my arms. "I won't let you go, princess" I whisper in her ear.

"Emma… hi sweetie!" Carla tries to reach for her and I take a step back holding my hand over her back to keep her pressed to me.

"Not now" I say shaking my head. "She's a little confused and upset right now"

"Awww… does she understand?"

"I don't think so… but she knows I'm anxious and distressed… what do we know?" I ask wanting to fire off a million questions about Ana and her status.

"The doctor came and talked to us when we first got here. She's out of surgery… it went well. She has a broken leg, and some broken ribs and a moderate concussion. Some bumps and bruises but otherwise she will be fine." She sniffles, wiping a tear from her eye.

"What the hell happened?" I ask and I wince remembering that Emma is in my arms, her face is buried into my neck so I wonder if she's even listening to me.

"A car slid into her and she hit a telephone pole." She turns and looks to the room I assume is Ana's. "The car collided with Ana on the driver's side and caused her to spin on the ice and hit a telephone pole on her passengers side… My poor baby!"

"Have you seen her?" I ask? The tears welling in my eyes as I think about my girl being in pain. "Is she awake?"

"She was unconscious when she left the scene and then they took her straight to surgery… she hasn't woke since. No one has been in yet." Ray walks back over with the Doctor in tow.

"The Doctor says we can see her" Ray says nodding at me.

"No children though," the Doctor says looking towards Emma. They carry too many germs for the ICU and we want to keep the space as sterile as possible."

"I'm aware of that" I bark at him, annoyed by his smug-like attitude. "I don't want her to see her Ana until she's awake anyway" _I wanted to see Ana first alone before we brought Emma in anyway not wanting her to see Ana broken and hurt but also unconscious._

"Very well, you can go in one at a time. Are you her husband?" He asks and I'm anxious enough that I don't need this pretty boy Doctor that looks like he probably graduated from Medical school fucking yesterday asking me about my relationship with Ana.

"I'm her boyfriend"

"Ah… we only allow close relatives" he says eyeing her chart before crossing his arms.

"Well that's too fu-" I look at Emma whose head still rests on my shoulder, her tiny fingers playing with my collar. "Too bad. I'm going in to see her"

He narrows his eyes at me before looking towards Ray and Carla. Carla rubs her hand on my arm. "Of course dear, we know you want to see her. Go ahead" she smiles as she nods towards the room. Right on cue, Elliott joins us and I try my best to look at Emma. I let out a small sigh of relief. _She's met Ana's parents a few times but I don't think she would be totally comfortable being alone with them, so I'm relieved that Elliott is here now._

"Princess" I say as I walk away from the four people staring at me. "Can you stay with Uncle Elliott for me?"

Her head perks up not having seen my brother walk in and nods before giving me a small smile. "C-C hungry"

"Okay, I brought you some snacks, okay?" In my hurry to get out of the car, I had left Emma's bag with her snacks, a few toys and extra diapers and I'm shocked to see Elliott have it over his shoulder. _Maybe he's ready to be a father too._ "Uncle Elliott brought them for you" I say kissing her cheek and moving back towards the crowd and handing her to Elliott. "I'll be right back"

XXXXXXXXXXX

I walk through the doors alone and I hear the faint beeps indicating that her heart still beats and the constant beep soothes me. "Baby" I breathe out quietly before I'm on the move. I run my hand up her injured leg gently, my hand grazing her cast. I brush my knuckles across her abdomen that is covered by a thin hospital blanket. I pull it down, gently and see that her abdomen is wrapped in white gauze due to her broken ribs. I lean down and rub my lips over it before wrapping my arms around her as best as I can while she is on her back and bury my face in her neck. "Baby please wake up" I whisper so quietly that I don't even think it could reach her brain. I take a deep breath desperate to smell Ana's scent and all I'm met with is the strong smell of hospital and the faint smell of Ana. _I would give anything for a whiff of cake batter right now._ "Don't you ever do this to me again" I whisper feeling the tears escape my eyes and roll down my cheeks. I pull away and wipe the wetness from my face as well as on her neck and chest. I sit next to her on the bed taking her hand in mine before brushing my lips over it. I hold it against my face and can't stop the tears from falling down my face. "Ana?" I say leaning forward and cupping her cheek gently. "Can you hear me?" The response is deafening, the continuous beep of the monitor the only noise I hear in the quiet room. _Why did this have to happen? You should have been home, warm and safe with me and Emma. We could have put her to bed early and made love in front of our fireplace as the snow fell outside. It's not fair that you're in here. That you're hurt. I know you're going to be fine, you have to be fine. But… I would give anything for you to open those blue eyes and get up and walk out of here._

"She can hear you" I hear from behind me and I see a nurse approaching her EKG machine and checking her vitals. "Her heartbeat is strong." She says closing her chart. "She's very lucky. It could have been a lot worse. Besides her mild concussion, there was no head trauma and there was no damage to her spinal chord."

"She's going to be okay?" I whisper, the tears still moving down my face slowly. _I've already been given this information from her doctor but it's as if I can't hear it enough. Until she is out of the hospital and home with me where she belongs I need constant reassurance that she will be fine._ "When will she wake up?"

"Could be a few hours… But keep talking to her. She can hear you.. In her spirit"

"Is that true?" I ask. "I mean scientifically… is that a fact?"

"Science only goes so far, then comes God, Mr. Steele"

I look away from Ana hearing myself being referred to as her father when I realize she must think I'm her husband. _One day._ And that thought calms me… deeply _._ I hear her leave the room, shutting the door behind her. I stroke my hand down her face and rub my thumb over her bottom lip that has a small cut- one of the only lacerations on her face. I lean over and kiss her lips needing to feel the warmth of hers on mine. My heart sinks as I don't feel her kissing me back, I don't feel her tongue touching mine, her hand running through my hair… _Kiss me back, baby. Please._ I don't know how long I'm staring at her, watching her chest move up and down signifying that she's taking breaths. _Maybe an hour? Two hours? Twenty minutes? Time is standing still._ But at some point, I feel presence behind me and I turn to see her parents staring at us.

"My baby" Carla says as she moves to the other side of the bed and kisses her cheek. "Sweetheart, can you hear me?"

I want to leave and give them sometime alone but at the same time I don't want to leave Ana. "How is Emma?"

"She… doesn't understand what's wrong"

"What did you tell her?" I ask.

"Nothing… we didn't feel it was our… place" Carla says.

"We thought it should come from you, son" Ray says putting a hand on my shoulder and squeezing gently.

"I should…" I look at Ana before back at the door knowing that Emma needs me too. "Go check on her." I lean forward again and kiss her gently before putting my mouth to her ear. "I'll be right back, baby" I sniffle and wipe under my nose before making my way out of the room. I walk down a long hallway with drab fluorescent lighting until I make it back to the private waiting room. Emma's eyes find mine immediately, despite Elliott's iPhone in her hands. She hands it back to him before hopping out of the chair and moving towards me, her high ponytail bobbing up and down as she walks. I drop to one knee and pull her into my arms as she buries her face in my neck.

"C-C… where's… Ana?"

I see the look Elliott is giving me from behind her and I look at my teary eyed child in my arms. I sit down on one of the cold plastic chairs and kiss her forehead before bringing her close to my chest. "Ana is… hurt"

"Boo boo?"

"Yes Princess. She has a few boo boos"

The tears fly down her cheeks at the same velocity that mine are escaping from my eyes. "Where is she?"

"She's sleeping right now. But we will see her soon"

"See her now" she cries and I shake my head not wanting Emma to see Ana like that. "Please?"

"Princess, we will see Ana when she wakes up, okay?"

She pouts before slipping her thumb into her mouth and right now, I wouldn't dare pull it from her. I pull my phone out to check the time as I have no concept of it right now when Emma grabs my hand holding my phone and pulls it down to her eye level to see it. She stares at the picture on my screen. It's a picture of myself, Ana and Emma. Ana and I are kissing her cheeks one on each side. I see a small smile reach her face as she stares at the picture. "Emma!" She points.

"Yes princess, that's you" I kiss her temple.

She points at me. "Daddy"

My heart stops as that simple word washes over me. "What-what did you say?" I say looking at Elliott who is looking at me with equal confusion.

She looks up at me and then back at the photo. "Daddy" she whispers before pointing to Ana. "Mommy"

 _What is making her say that? Maybe because I mentioned the words earlier?_ I have no idea how to feel in this moment. _On one hand I'm thrilled that I've become Daddy but it only reminds me that she's not referring to Michael..._ "Yes Princess… that's right" I say kissing her cheek before I slip my phone back into my pocket and hug her. I hear her sniffle and shortly after I feel her tiny shoulders shake and the even tinier tears hitting my neck. "Don't cry, Emma" _I don't know why in this moment she's crying. Tired? Hungry? Thirsty? Is she upset about Ana? Or maybe she's remembering the people she called Mommy and Daddy once upon a time?_ Normally I would ask, but I don't think I'm prepared for the answer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

It's been an hour since I've returned to Ana's side after Emma had long fallen asleep in my arms. She was exhausted, the initial phone call that started all of this having woke her from her nap. I laid her on the small couch in the waiting room on top of her blanket and left her with Elliott while I returned to the other part of my heart that was lying unconscious in a hospital bed. I climbed into bed with her, my arm resting protectively over her torso careful not to put too much weight on her ribs and before I know it, sleep has claimed me. I don't know how much time has past but I wake when I feel shifting next to me and I open my eyes to find piercing blue eyes staring down at me. _She's awake! Finally!_ I can't even find the words to say as the tears flood my eyes when she breaks the silence filling the room with her soft voice.

"Hello" she says giving me a small smile before she blushes. _She's blushing and it's fucking adorable._ She looks down at where my hand is draped across hers and her cheeks go even pinker.

"Baby" I say cupping her cheek and running my lips up her shoulder and neck and finding her mouth instantly. I pour everything I can into the kiss, my tongue probing hers before she relents and lets me in. My tongue massages hers and I hear her whimper which does nothing for my dick stirring in my pants that hasn't been inside of her in over twelve hours. _Not now, Christian. She just woke up._ "You scared the shit out of me" I say as I cup her face and stare into her eyes. She narrows them slightly at me before she bites her bottom lip and looks around the room as if she's nervous. "Say something" I whisper. "Are you okay? Do you need something? How are you feeling?"

"My head hurts" she says quietly.

"I'll see if they can get you something for the pain." I say. I don't know what I was expecting when she woke up, but I'm a bit surprised by her silence and body language. The signals she's giving me are so.. Different.

"Thank you, Christian" _Christian? Since when are we so formal? I don't think she's called me Christian in I don't know how long. Maybe when she's mad at me. And even then I get a first middle and last name._ "But…" she starts. "Why are you here?" _What?_ "And acting so strange...And kissing me?"

"What do you mean why am I here? The woman I love got in an accident. I haven't left your side since I got here. Just once to check on Emma… and she's fine. I didn't want to bring her out in this weather but she was clinging to me…" I stop talking when I see the look she's giving me.

"Emma's here?" I say. "Are Alli and Michael here too?" My heart drops so far I wonder if I looked to the floor I would see it there. _It all makes sense, her reluctance towards me… her odd behavior. She doesn't remember… anything._

"Ana…"

"You're calling me, Ana now?" She asks raising an eyebrow at me.

 _If she thinks that Michael and Alli are alive, she doesn't remember anything about me- about us._ "What- what's the last thing you remember?" I ask.

"Before the accident? Ummm" she says looking into the air as if the answers would appear. "I was going to the grocery store and-"

"Okay no.." I interrupt her. "What date is it? Do you remember that?"

"Ummm it's a Wednesday, because I had spin this morning… I always have spin on Wednesdays. June fourteenth maybe?" All of the air leaves my lungs immediately and I feel like I can't breathe. _She doesn't remember me… well… the me that loves her more than anything. Or having Emma… she doesn't remember Michael and Alli… and I have to tell her. No no no this can't be happening._ "Christian, are you okay? You look a little pale"

"You- you don't remember" I say the tears forming in my eyes.

"I don't remember what?" She asks softly and I wonder if the wheels are starting to turn in that beautiful mind of hers.

"Anything. I- I should get a doctor" I say and then I'm running out of the door. _I feel terrible for leaving her when she's probably feeling lost and confused, but I need the doctor to fix this. I can't tell her that Michael and Alli are dead. I can't tell her that we have custody of Emma. I can't tell her that we are in love… when she believes that she hates me. She believes that I hate her._ I reach the nurses station and thankfully the doctor is there and I yell for him. "Doctor… she… she's awake and she doesn't remember"

He falls into step next to me as we walk briskly back towards her room. When we enter she's looking at me with wide eyes as the doctor approaches her bed. "Okay, welcome back Miss Steele, can you follow my finger?" He says as he shines a light into both pupils. I don't miss the fact that she's trying to look at me instead of his finger. "Miss Steele, what is the last thing you remember?"

"It's… sometime in June… is that not right? He almost had a heart attack when I said it earlier" she says looking at me.

The Doctor gives her a tight smile. "I've paged a nurse, we're going to run some tests, for now everyone stay calm. Sometimes there's a little confusion when there's some head trauma. Nothing to be too concerned about yet, alright?" She nods, her eyes still not leaving me. "If you'd like, now that she's awake you can bring your daughter in. Sometimes that can help" he says and then he's gone leaving me alone with Ana who's bubbling with questions.

"Daughter?" She whispers the tears forming in her eyes. "I-I can't remember a daughter?"

"He means Emma" I say, swallowing hard. "He must have thought I said daughter instead of goddaughter" I say giving her a weak smile.

She nods, accepting my lie before she looks towards the window. "It's snowing" she whispers.

"Yes" I say following her gaze and her train of thought.

"Is it at least still 2017?"

"Yes… the end of it. It's December"

"I can't remember six months? Six months of what seems to be us getting… close?" She says the tears forming in her eyes.

I clear my throat. _There's so much you've missed in this six months. Monumentally big things._ "Yes"

"What else have I missed?" _And there it is. The million dollar question._

"Ana…"

"Oh my!" Her nurse comes in with a huge smile. "You gave us all quite the scare, Miss Steele! But I knew you would be okay. Your boyfriend here hasn't left your side once. He's a good man" She smiles as she adjusts the cuff to check her blood pressure. "And that daughter of yours is just precious"

"Oh she's not my daughter" Ana chuckles.

"Oh…" She says clearly as confused as Ana is about to be. "Sorry, I-"

"Don't apologize" I say giving her a look that says _It's time to be quiet._ She pulls her blood pressure cuff off before checking her heartbeat and her IV bags.

"I'll be back in a moment." She says leaving and I take it as a sign to follow her out.

"I'll be right back, Ana"

"Wait!"

I turn around and she looks so scared and fragile, I would scoop her in my arms and hold her if I didn't think she'd shut down on me. "Why do I feel like there's something no one is telling me? More than just… you being my boyfriend?"

I sigh. "Ana, five minutes and then I'll explain, okay?"

She purses her lips before nodding her head in defeat and leaning back against her pillows. She crosses her arms and stares out the window no doubt wishing that it was a warm summer day in June instead of a cold, snowy night.

"Okay stop talking" I bark out as I see both the doctor and the nurse outside of her room. "She doesn't remember me or Emma… and you're confusing her"

"Her parents filled us in… I had no idea that you were friends with the couple that died in that car wreck a few months back. She has no memory of that…" He says though it is more of a question.

"No, and I don't know how to tell her that. So stop calling Emma her daughter until I figure out how to"

"We are so sorry Mr. Grey… sometimes children are the best thing to jar someone's memory."

"I believe it, but Emma and I were both in her life in June, just in completely different roles."

"Mr. Grey don't worry, we are going to do our best to get her back to normal. Now when I was out there with her parents, Emma woke up and she's looking for you" He says as he heads back into Ana's room.

"Go, I'll tell her you'll be right back" The Nurse tells me. I catch a glimpse of her nametag. _Barbara._

"Thank you" I say nodding my head once and heading back down the hall. I'm a few feet from the waiting room when I hear Emma crying and I start moving quicker. I enter the room and Emma immediately looks up.

"Daddy!" She cries and the word sends a shock to my heart hearing her call for me. She hops out of her chair and runs towards me and I pick her up immediately.

"Why are you crying, huh? What's the matter?"

She doesn't respond, she just buries her face in my neck and clings to me hard. "Don't leave me, please"

"Why are you crying, pumpkin?" I ask her.

"I woke up and you weren't here… or mommy. I was scared"

"But you saw Uncle Elliott…? You know he will take care of you?" She looks at him and then back to me.

"I want you" she says putting her arms around my neck. "Can I please see Mommy now?"

"Uhhh" I say. "Not yet" _Now that she's calling her Mommy I definitely have to tell her first. If Emma is the one that spills the beans, Ana won't know how to handle it in that moment._

"MOMMY! PLEASE" Emma shrieks and I wince as her ear shattering scream hurts my ears.

I try to reason with the wailing toddler in my arms. "She's not awake yet, but I promise you can see her soon. Remember I told you she has some boo-boos?"

"Mommy is hurt" she says the tears streaming down her cheeks. "I give her cuddles and kisses"

"She would love your kisses, and you can soon, okay?" Her lip trembles and she kicks her legs against me indicating that she wants to get down. She crosses her tiny little arms and stomps across the room and sits in the chair next to Elliott and gives me a very dramatic glare. _I would find it so adorable under any other circumstances._

"You're mean!" She says and I can feel what little bit of my heart that isn't crushed from the love of my life not remembering me shattering upon hearing Emma's words.

"You don't mean that" Elliott says. "He loves you so much"

She turns her back away from Elliott and isn't looking at me either. She's just looking at the wall before she puts her face in her hands. _Great, I have one woman that hardly knows me and another one that is mad at me and giving me the silent treatment. I need a boy in the house._ The thought of having a baby boy with Ana shoots a spark through me. _One thing at a time, Grey. How about we get Ana to remember that you're the last man to make her come._ I give Elliott a look pleading with him to do his best to calm her as I head back to Ana's room. I walk in to find her staring out the window again, the doctor and nurse both having disappeared.

"Where did they go?"

"They ran some tests, I guess they went to get the results." She says giving me a shrug. "Christian what happened to me?"

"You were in a car accident" I say sadly as I move across the room and weigh the pros and cons of sitting next to her on the bed. I decide against it and sit on the end of her bed.

"When?"

"Earlier today. You haven't been out long"

"And you and I are… together?"

"Yes" I say. _Of all the things I have to tell her, that is the easiest. I will remind her everyday for the rest of our lives if I have to like that Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore movie that Ana made me watch a few weeks ago._

"How long?"

"A few months"

She bites her bottom lip and smiles at me. "I see… and what do Michael and Alli think? Are they all 'I told you so'" she says rolling her eyes.

I swallow knowing that _this is it_ and I shake my head. "Ana…" I choke out. "There's something I need to tell you"

"What?" She asks and I can see the fear in her eyes mirroring my anxiety.

"Something… happened in the past six months… something bad"

"What happened?"

"Well… Michael and Alli…" I start the tears moving down my cheeks and Ana must understand without me saying it.

"No" she whispers and I feel my heart breaking all over again having to think about it.

 _Ana and I do talk about Michael and Alli, but in some ways our love shields us from the pain. Going through that tragedy together brought us together, it makes us stronger together. Me, Ana, Emma… we're a family, and that makes the pain slightly easier to bear. Ana not knowing me in that regard makes me feel vulnerable and alone and opening this wound without her feels all the more painful._ "Yes" I whisper back as I pull her into my arms as the sobs wrack her body.

"What happened?"

"Car accident. Which is why I lost it when I got the call about you. I can't lose you too, Ana" I say and I hope she gets the double meaning.

She nods and I think she understands. "Emma is here though? She wasn't in the car?"

"No. She wasn't."

"How is she handling it?"

"I don't know that she really is… Ana she's so young. And she knew us… we've kind of just assumed the Mommy and Daddy roles"

"Do we live together?"

"Yes"

"Wow… with Emma?"

"Yes" I repeat and I hope she's not feeling like this life was forced on her. _She didn't when this first happened but I can imagine now she is feeling overwhelmed having someone tell her about her life._ "Do you want to see her?"

"Now…?" She asks.

"Yes, now. She's been dying to see you"

"I don't know Christian… I… I'm her mother? I just-"

"Hey, hey" I say. "You can be Ana for now if that makes you feel better?" I say and I don't think Emma will be on board with that.

"So I just gave up my life? To be… Alli?" She asks.

My heart sinks at her words hearing that she feels this way. _Ana… how can you say that? To me of all people?_

"I should go.. Check on Emma" I say and I leave her room without another look. I'm barely two steps out of her room before I'm sliding down the wall outside of her room, the defeat I feel killing my ability to stand a moment longer.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

I feel hands stroking my face slowly and small kisses to my forehead and nose. I would think that Emma has found me except for the fact that I feel a larger hand on my cheek and lips brushing mine. My eyes flutter open to Ana staring at me and I wonder how I got back in her bed because the last thing I remember is leaving her room and sitting on the ground outside her room. _I must be more tired than I thought._ "Aren't you a sight for sore eyes" she says giving me a small smile. _Well your tune has certainly changed._ I get up and off of the bed, knowing that Emma needs me more than Ana does right now and knowing that I need to be with her. "You're leaving me?" She says sadly and I feel my heart constrict hearing the fear in her voice.

"I should go check on Emma… she's a little wound up right now"

"But… can't you have someone bring her here… I'm… scared"

"And you think she's not?" I snap and I see the hurt look all over her face.

She plays with her blanket and stares down at her lap. "Okay… I just… Are you mad at me?"

"I'm not mad, Ana… I'm just… exhausted. And I'm not blaming you, it's not your fault that you don't remember it's just… Emma is calling us Mommy and Daddy and you're acting like you want out and I just don't know what to fucking do" I say pulling at my hair. I look up at her and the tears are flying down her face.

"She- she called me Mommy?"

"Earlier today"

"I don't want out… when did I say that? I never want out! I love you and Emma too much… we're a family" she says. "At least I thought" she adds and I'm so confused. "Look if this is because I didn't leave in enough time before the snow started I'm sorry, but the accident wasn't my fault… Someone hit me on the side I… I'm sorry" she cries as she puts her face in her hands. _And then it dawns on me. Waking up in bed next to her… her kisses… her mannerisms… was her not remembering… was all of that a dream?_

I move back to her bed and climb in next to her cupping her face gently. "Ana what day is it?"

"December fourteenth, why?"

"You… you know me?"

"Of course I know you"

"I mean you know that we… that we're together… that I love you"

"How could I forget something like that?" She says softly. "You make me so happy. I could never forget that… forget you"

"You forgot me… and Emma… You thought Alli and Michael were still here" _I've cried so many times today I've lost count. But these are happy tears for the first time today._ _Ana is alive and awake and she remembers me and Emma and everything is going to be fine._

"When?"

"It felt so real… it must have been a dream"

"You seemed very anxious while you were sleeping. Your cute little brow was furrowed" she says touching the space on my forehead between my eyebrows. "It's why I started kissing you to wake you up"

"I'm sorry I wasn't awake when you woke up"

"It's okay, I got to stare at you for a little while" she smiles. "And get reacquainted with your body"

"Did you feel me up in my sleep Miss Steele" I say leaning over.

"Yes" she giggles and I press my lips to hers and finally I get the kiss I've been dying for. Her tongue immediately finds mine before it has a chance to leave my mouth and the kiss becomes needy, desperate and passionate within seconds. "I love you" she says against my lips and I wrap my arms gently around her.

"I love you… Ana you have no idea what has been going through my mind all day… I thought I was going to lose you" I choke out and she shakes her head at me.

"Never. I would never leave you, Grey. You… or Emma. You two mean so much to me."

"I should go get her"

"Yes please"

"I'll be back in two minutes"

She nods and I place another deep kiss on her lips before I'm out of her room and jogging down the hall. Emma is still up and I remember her anger in my dream and I can only hope she's not cranky. "Hi Princess" I say kneeling in front of her. "Let's go see Mommy"

Her eyes light up and she jumps into my arms. "Mommy!" Carla, Ray and Elliott all look at me in shock and I nod my eyes glossing over with tears.

"She's awake. And she's perfect and… she wants Emma." I look at Emma. "Mommy is still a little hurt, so you have to be gentle and careful, okay?"

"No hurt mommy" She says her eyes wide as if to say _I would never!_

Doctors and nurses be damned the five of us are moving down the hall towards Ana's room. We walk through the door and see the Doctor checking her vitals and he shakes his head at us in the doorway. "This is what we've been dealing with all day, Miss Steele. You've got quite a fan club"

"And you ain't even seen half of it" Carla says as she moves towards Ana. "Oh honey, are you okay, what hurts? Do you need anything?" She kisses her over and over on her forehead and cheeks.

"Annie" Ray says as he takes the place on the other side and kisses the top of her head. "Don't you ever do something like this again. You almost gave all of us, but especially that boy of yours a heart attack"

"Sorry" she says softly not taking her eyes off of me or the tiny person in my arms when she reaches her arms out for me. I move towards her and rub Emma's back gently.

"Em, who's that?" I smile as I point at Ana. _I know her answer but I want Ana to hear it._

"Mommy!" She cheers as she tries to lunge from my arms causing Ray to gasp and Carla to start crying. Even my brother in the corner seems to be getting choked up. _Everyone is crying today._

"Okay, listen Princess, remember what I said- you have to be careful with Mommy okay? She has boo-boos remember?"

"I be careful, pleeeease Daddy" she says as she tries to get out of my arms.

Ana looks at me her eyes so watery I wonder if she can see me before they fall rapidly down her cheeks. I place Emma in her arms trying to be mindful of her abdomen but I don't think Ana cares as she squeezes Emma to her chest. "Pumpkin, I missed you so much!" She begins to rub her back as Emma starts to cry.

"Mommy don't ever leave" she whispers but it's loud enough for me to hear as I'm close to them. Ray, Carla and Elliott have vacated the room giving us some space when I move to sit down with my two favorite people.

"I would never leave you Emma" she says as she presses Emma's cheeks together and gives her a peck on her lips like Emma does all the time causing her to giggle. "I love you"

"I love you too" she says back before she snuggles against her. She points at her IV "Is this your boo-boo?"

"One of them" she smiles trying to put on a brave face for the impressionable child in her arms.

Emma looks up at her and stands on the bed next to her and I'm glad I had the foresight to take her boots off as to not bring dirt from the bottom of Emma's snowboots into Ana's room. Emma rubs her hand over Ana's neck which has some bruising and a mark from the seat belt before she leans up and gives it a kiss. "All better?"

I can't stop the tears from moving down my face as I watch this interaction between Ana and Emma. Ana nods before pulling her back to her chest to hug her. "All better"

"Emma, when are you and Daddy going to take me home?" Ana asks

"Home?" Emma says pulling away to look at her.

"Yes… can I come home?" She asks Emma while she looks at me for the answers.

 _Soon._ I mouth at her.

"Home now!" Emma cheers and I know it's time to nip this in the bud before Emma begins to fixate on it.

"As soon as the doctors say Mommy is all better we can go" I say.

"Daddy says all better" Emma repeats to Ana and I smile at my little parrot.

"Are you in any pain, baby?" I ask her.

"My head hurts a little, but they gave me something when you went to get Emma"

"Mommy hurt? Are you sad?" Emma asks.

"I'm better, Emma. Because I'm with you!"

"I can sing… Row Your Boat!"

"Okay, sing to me, pumpkin" she says before she kisses her nose. Emma begins to sing and Ana leans over slightly presenting her lips to mine and I take them and kiss her deeply. I hear Emma ending her song and I smile. _Life is but a dream._ I think about the dream I had earlier today and I thank God that the reality is so much better.

 **A/N: This is one of my favorite quotes but I can't take credit for it. Thank you Nicholas Sparks and Noah Calhoun ;)**

 **"Science only goes so far, then comes God"**


	10. Will You Marry My Daddy?

It's been almost two months since I've gotten out of the hospital and you would think that I was made of glass the way Christian has been fawning over me. He took a few weeks off to help me and also so that Emma didn't burn the house down. Once I was sure that I could hold my own against a rambunctious two year old, I forced him back to work. I still feel some aches and pains but for the most part I'm back to normal. My leg has almost completely healed and the bruises have faded. I randomly get headaches but they've been fewer and further between. The one thing that has been the most difficult has been being intimate with Christian for two reasons. One being Emma has barely left my side, and even wants to sleep next to me every night. I'm not sure if she's afraid that something will happen to me or if she's just feeling clingier than usual but it makes it difficult for Christian to even touch me as she sleeps between us cuddled into my side. And secondly, as much as I want to start a family with Christian, we've only been together for a few months and as much as I want a sibling for Emma, I don't want us rushing into anything. The medication I've been taking since the accident makes my birth control essentially useless, so we've gone back to condoms much to both of our disappointment. My mind drifts back to the first time we had sex after the accident a little over a month ago.

 _ **Five Weeks Ago**_

I'm teetering in and out of consciousness when I feel something moving from next to me. My eyes flutter open when I see the man I love carrying a sleeping Emma out of our room. I wonder if he thinks I'm uncomfortable with her next to me, I'll have to tell him that I don't mind her sleeping there. Although, it is hard for Christian to hold me at night. It's gotten to the point, where he'll get out of bed after she falls asleep and comes over to my side and slips in behind me and snuggles me, his lips caressing my shoulders and neck as I fall asleep. I'm broken from my thoughts as I feel a warm arm moving gently across me and lips grazing my bare shoulder. The medicine I'm taking still makes me a little tired but I'm immediately awake when I feel his proximity. I turn my head to the side and see the sleepy smile he's giving me and I lean in to kiss his perfect lips.

"Why did you move Emma? You know when she wakes up she's going to have a fit" I say recalling all of her tantrums she's thrown for not being in the _big bed_ when she's woken up from her nap.

"She needs to be reminded that this is mommy and daddy's bed and that Emma has a bed in her own room."

"Baby she's two"

"She needs to learn now before she's six and still sleeping in here preventing me from having any alone time with you" he says and I can't stop my body's hum of approval in response to the words _alone time_.

"Are you trying to have some _alone time_ now?" I smile knowing that I've tried to seduce him several times since I've been home and he keeps shutting me down thinking that I'm not strong enough to handle the powerful orgasms I have.

He props his head up on his fist and looks me over. "How are you feeling?"

"Like I want you inside of me" I say, excited that this conversation may be going in a direction that ends with me coming.

"Anastasia" he says giving me a warning glance. "I'm not going to touch you if you're not honest about the pain"

"I'm fine, and I know what would take me from fine to great" I say as I pull away from him and slowly try to move on top of him. I wince slightly feeling a mild pain and Christian's hands find my face immediately.

"Stop" he pushes me back into my original position of lying flat on my back. "We are going to take things slow, and you are not going to be on top"

I bite my bottom lip knowing that it might be the only thing to keep him from backing out. "Okay" I whisper, trying to keep my voice low and seductive.

He chuckles, knowing my intentions with my lip biting as his hands find my shirt and he gently lifts it over my head, leaving me completely naked underneath. _I couldn't tell you the last time I wore a bra. This has certainly been a freeing experience._ He's staring at my chest as if he hasn't seen them almost everyday since the accident when he's helped me bathe. _But I guess there's nothing sexy about sponge bathing your girlfriend. But come to think of it, he refused to wash my breasts or the space between my legs and usually leaves the room while I handle that part. Sure enough whenever he'd come back, I could see the semi-hard erection stirring in his pants._ "Your breasts are still so perfect" he says as his lips leave gentle kisses all over them. "It's been so hard not to touch them. Not to lick them… kiss them, suck them. Fuck." He growls as his lips close around my right one. I whimper in response to the first pleasure I've had in over three weeks. I don't know how long he's been sucking my nipples, but when he finally comes up for air, I look down to see them red with hickeys all over both of them from his lips and tongue and teeth. "Sorry" he says giving me a sheepish look and I smile giving him a kiss on his nose.

"Why? You're the only one that sees them anyway. They're yours to do with what you want" _I'm so overcome with lust and the need to come in this moment, I think I'd be okay with him doing just about anything to mark me._ "Do you think you can do the same thing somewhere else?" I ask and his eyes widen knowing exactly where I mean.

His hand cups my cheek as he plants kisses down my other cheek. "I haven't tasted you in weeks. I'm going to eat you like a starving man at a buffet. Are you ready for that?" I nod vigorously, as my chest moves up and down quickly as I try and catch my breath. He yanks the blankets from over top of me and slides my sweatpants and underwear down my legs slowly. I expect him to tease me, seduce me, take his time leaving slow and tantalizing kisses up my legs and on my thighs, but before my pants even hit the floor across the room, he's spread me open and his lips are wrapped around my clitoris.

"Oh God" I call out and I put a hand over my mouth remembering the sleeping child a few rooms over who has become a somewhat light sleeper over the past few weeks. I shake my head, trying to forget my favorite little person and focus on my favorite big person in front of me who's hands have now found their way under my bottom. I look down and all of the air leaves my lungs when my eyes find his. The look he's giving me fuels the fire in my already heated body as his movements slow. I watch him slowly move his tongue through my folds, from bottom to top over and over. My body begins to build in response and my hands find his hair. I don't think I'll ever tire of this man's mouth on me _anywhere._ My release is so close I can taste it and despite my cast covering my leg I feel my toes curling as my orgasm moves through me. "Christian" I groan, the goosebumps popping up everywhere as I feel him suck the juices that I know are flowing out of me. I hear him growl in appreciation as my cum floods his mouth. I'm breathing hard, the strength of the orgasm leaving me winded. My eyes open when I hear his voice.

"You okay?" He asks, as he looks up at me from between my thighs.

I nod. "Yes" I say my voice hoarse. "Great" I say giving him a grin.

He smiles back and places a kiss on my stomach. "Good" he smirks before his mouth finds my folds again.

I don't know how long he's been down there, but by the time his lips find my neck, I've had a number of orgasms and I'm completely loose and relaxed. "I love you" I murmur out seconds before his lips find mine. "I love you so much"

"Because I give you mind-numbing orgasms?" He chuckles as he lets my lips go, giving me a cheeky smile.

"No… well yes but it's so much more than that" I tell him. My hormones are going haywire in this moment and I can't stop the tears from welling in my eyes. "You're so good to me and to Emma… you take such good care of us. What would we do without you?"

His smile fades as he realizes this isn't going to be a light-hearted conversation. "You don't ever have to worry about that, baby. I'm here. I'm never going anywhere" he tells me, as he wraps his arms around me. He buries his face in my neck, leaving lazy kisses and gentle nibbles as his hand draws circles all over my body.

"Take them off" I whimper, my hands grabbing the waistband of his sweatpants. "I _need_ you"

"I don't want to hurt you"

"You could never hurt me" I tell him as I pull his head out of my neck and look him square in the eyes.

He nods once though I know he isn't totally convinced. "You'll tell me if it starts to hurt"

"Yes" _No._ I think immediately to myself. I'm fairly certain no pain in the world would stop me from letting this man make love to me. My eyes follow him around the room as he closes the door, and makes sure that the baby monitor is working once more. He pulls off his shirt and his sweatpants and I'm met with the vision of the man I love completely nude. _He's a perfect fucking specimen. Jesus Christ._ "Come here" I tell him, as I hold my hands out for him. It doesn't take him long before he's lying between my legs. I still have a cast on my leg, although now it's a soft cast as my break wasn't too severe. "Shit" I murmur. "Wait"

"What?" He asks looking at me curiously.

"We have to use condoms"

"And why in the world would we do that?" He says looking at me as if what I said was the most ridiculous thing he'd ever heard.

"My birth control is ineffective until I'm off the medications"

"Okay…?" He asks and I know he's putting it together so I raise an eyebrow at him.

"Christian, do you want to have a baby… now?"

"I would be willing to take the risk. Condoms are bullshit. I want to feel every inch of you" he pouts and it's adorable.

"Christian" I say furrowing my brows and I hate that we are trying to have this conversation now, while we are both stark naked as I know Christian isn't thinking clearly. His eyes have barely left the space between my legs and I know he's thinking with the head of his penis and not the one a few feet higher.

"Fine, I'll get a fucking condom. I don't even know where they are"

"Michael and Alli had some in their bathroom, I think"

He rolls his eyes before he heads to the bathroom coming back with a box of condoms. "I am not happy right now, Steele"

"Oh, I'm Steele again?"

"You'll always be Steele." He chuckles. "Even when your last name is Grey" he smiles at me letting me know he's not actually upset about the idea of using condoms. _I mean I agree they suck, and I would much rather feel that hard piece of flesh that hangs between his legs skin to skin, but we haven't talked extensively about extending our family. Emma isn't even legally ours on paper yet. I just don't want to make any hasty decisions fueled by lust._ He slides inside of me and it's as if both of us are coming home after being apart for so long despite the barrier between us. My eyes squeeze shut, the pleasure coupled with the emotions I'm feeling welling inside of me are overwhelming me. "Christian" I moan as he begins to thrust slowly in and out of me.

"Look at me, baby" he says and my eyes flutter open in response. "Tell me you love me again"

"I love you" I cry out as he thrusts slightly harder and I'm glad that he knows that it's out of pleasure and not pain when I see the look he's giving me.

"Again" he grits out

"I love you" I say, my hands finding his face and pulling his lips to mine, knowing I can show him how much I love him better than I can tell him. We kiss through the remainder of our lovemaking, our lips barely leaving each other as he brings us to our orgasms, his one beat after mine. Several minutes later, we're lying together in the afterglow of our lovemaking when I look up at him. "Tell me you love _me"_

He looks down at me and pushes the hair from my face. "I love you more than anything in the world, Anastasia Steele" His words make my heart swell and I move as close as I can to him despite the cast on my leg. He senses my discomfort and moves us again so he's hovering over me and I'm on my back. "I want to marry you… tomorrow" he says. "I want us to be husband and wife before we adopt Emma so that all three of us will be Greys"

I gasp hearing his words. "T-tomorrow?" I stammer.

"Yes, tomorrow." He smiles and brushes his nose against mine. "Okay maybe not tomorrow. But as soon as you're up and moving, I want to start planning whatever it is you want to do."

"But you want to be married within the next three months." _That's when we would start moving forward with adopting Emma._

"Yes"

I'm stunned by Christian's words, knowing full well he did actually want to marry me tomorrow and despite my need to always make responsible decisions and the fact that I rarely acted impulsively, I answer the only way that my heart tells me to. "Well you haven't exactly asked me?"

"I didn't think you'd be on board with tomorrow, so I think I have some time." He smiles. "At least now I know you'll say yes" he leans into kiss me when we hear Emma's voice screeching through the house and the baby monitor.

"MAMAMAMAMAMAMA" I hear her scream. "MAMA PLEASE!" My heart constricts hearing her call for me like that, as I know she thinks I'm hurt and Christian is off of me in a flash pulling his sweatpants up. My sweatpants have been thrown across the room so I settle for putting my tank top back on and pulling my blanket up over me.

"Hey Grey" I call to him before he leaves to get our little princess. He stops and turns, giving me a look that makes everything down south tighten. "Just so you know… I would have married you tomorrow"

XXXXXXXXXXXXXX

"You look pretty, Mommy" Emma says as she sits on the bed I share with Christian, swinging her legs over the side. We are almost ready for our date with Christian, who went out to get a few things. I turn to look at her from where I'm sitting at my vanity and smile.

"You look so pretty too, pumpkin" I move towards her and give her a kiss.

"Daddy will think you look pretty too. I hope he thinks I look pretty"

"Of course he will!"

"But I'm not in my special shirt" she pouts.

"Special shirt?" I ask looking at her curiously.

She nods, her cute little ponytail bobbing up and down. "I have to wear a special shirt"

"Okay… well do you know where it is?"

She shakes her head. "No" her lip trembles. "Will Daddy be mad I'm not wearing it?"

"No he won't be mad at you, pumpkin. Do you want me to call him and ask him where it is?"

"No. He says it's a s'prise for you"

"For me?" I say furrowing my brow and wondering what possible surprise Christian could have for me that he told Emma about.

"Yeah but he said I'm not sppose to tell you"

I sit on the bed next to her and pull her into my lap. "You know you can always tell Mommy anything" I tell her as I give her a small kiss on her lips.

She giggles in response. "Okay, but don't tell Daddy"

"I won't" I say giving her my pinky and then realizing she doesn't know what that means. I shake my head. "Never mind, I won't"

"My shirt says Mommy will you marry my Daddy? And Daddy has a ring. It's pretty"

I gasp, the tears flood my eyes immediately and they fall down my cheeks. "Oh My God"

"Are you sad, mommy?" She asks her eyes widen confused.

"No… I'm so happy!" I whisper as I wrap my arms around Emma. _We are really going to be a family._

Elliott is waiting downstairs for us and in that moment I know that Emma is correct in her information. "You ladies ready to go?"

"Uncle Lelly!" She runs full speed at him and he scoops her into his arms. "Where's Daddy?"

"I'm taking you both to him, now" he says before he places a kiss on Emma's forehead.

We're driving through town and Emma is chatting a mile a minute in the backseat about something and I take a few moments to drown out the sounds and focus on the fact that I'm about to get engaged to the love of my life. We pull up to a forest across town, that has a garden surrounding it. At this time of evening, it looks almost magical the way it's lit up and I find myself at a loss for words at the breathtaking view.

"Alright, pipsqueak. This is your stop." Elliott tells her and I look around wondering if I can see Christian but he's nowhere in sight.

"Me?" She perks her head up and strains to see despite her carseat rendering her ability to move. "Lemme out" she begins to kick her legs. "Where's Daddy?"

Elliott opens her door and unbuckles her. "Ana you stay here"

"Mama stay!" Emma tells me and I nod.

"Yes ma'am" I watch them walk across a bridge and disappear when I hear movement in my peripheral. I look to the right and jump when I see Christian standing next to me smiling. I try to slow my racing heart by putting a hand across my chest. I open the door and let him help me out. "Oh My God you scared me. I thought you were with Emma…?" I say now slightly wondering where Elliott went with my baby.

"She's fine. She's waiting for us. I just haven't seen you all day, I wanted a kiss"

"Well… hi then" I whisper, and all of a sudden the tears start to fall as I know what's coming.

His lips find mine and he kisses me so forcefully, his tongue moving in perfect rhythm with mine and I moan at the taste of mint and Christian. He pulls away the moment I feel that I'm completely out of breath. "You look beautiful"

"Thank you. You look so handsome" I smile as I let my eyes drift from his feet to the top of his head. _Even when Christian and I were at each other's throats, I always found him incredibly attractive. Who knew after all those nights I wondered what was underneath his clothes, I would eventually get to see for myself?_

His hands stroke my cheeks, his thumbs brushing away the tears that have fallen under my eyes and he gives me a knowing smile. "She told you, didn't she?"

"I- I don't know what you're talking about"

"Anastasia Steele, you're a terrible liar" he says pushing me against the car gently and boxing me in with his arms. His lips find the side of my face and he nuzzles his in my neck.

"Well…" I whisper, as I'm starting to feel dizzy from having Christian so close to me. "I don't think I'll be Anastasia Steele much longer" I say and he pulls back to look at me.

"I love you… and our blabbermouth daughter"

I smile. "Did you really think she wasn't going to tell me?"

"After I bribed her with ice cream this morning? Jesus Ana, she's only known like five hours." He chuckles and I narrow my eyes at the thought that he gave her sugar early in the morning.

"Yeah but Emma and I don't have any secrets" I say as we walk hand in hand down the same path that Emma and Elliott went minutes earlier.

"I wanted this to be perfect. I wanted you to be surprised" he says as he drags my hand across his mouth, giving it kisses.

"Well we have a child...I don't think we can count on things being perfect anymore"

As we round the corner, I see Emma wearing a shirt and a pink and gold tutu which something tells me, she picked out. When she sees me she takes off for me, which I don't think is a part of the plan. I move towards her, not wanting her to be running that far and drop to a knee when she lunges for me. "Don't I look pretty?" She whispers. "This is the shirt" she shows me, holding it out so I can see it.

I turn slightly to see Christian behind us and giggle. "Yes, princess. You look so pretty." I turn around again after I stand up as he moves toward us.

"Hi Daddy" Emma giggles and Christian shakes his head at her.

He kneels down in front of her. "Did you tell Mommy anything?"

She looks up at me with wide eyes before shaking her head. "No!"

He looks up at me with a raised eyebrow as if to say _you're going to deal with breaking her of her fibbing habit._ "Okay, good" he says as pulls her into a hug. "I love you, Emma"

"I love you, Daddy" she kisses his cheek and I can't stop the tears from flowing down my cheeks. He turns to me and looks up at me as he's still on knee and smiles.

"I didn't expect my life to turn out this way- I mean obviously." He looks to the side and I know he's thinking about our friends that were tragically taken from us months before. "I never expected to fall in love with Steele… Alli's neurotic and annoying best friend. And although I hate the way you came into my life… I am so happy that I have you. That you and I were there for each other when we needed it most…. That we were there when Emma needed us most." Emma's ears perk up hearing her name and her hand finds mine and I squeeze it gently. "You are an incredible mother to our daughter, and I look forward to seeing you be a mother to all of the babies we make together." _All of them? How many exactly are we talking?_ "I love you, Anastasia. We already share a house and a family…" he chuckles as he pulls a ring box out of his pocket. "I'm asking you to share my life with me. Be my wife, forever." He pauses. "Will you marry Emma's daddy?" He asks opening the ring box to reveal the most gorgeous piece of jewelry I've ever seen in my life.

He stands up just in time for me to hug him tightly as best as I can with Emma still holding my other hand. "Yes yes yes!" I say into his neck. I'm in almost full on sobs when he pulls away, placing a kiss on my mouth. He slides the ring onto my finger and kisses me one final time before he drops in front of Emma.

"You know I didn't forget about you, princess"

Her eyes light up knowing he got her something too as she begins to bounce up and down. "Emma, pumpkin. Can I marry your mommy?" He asks putting a small necklace around her neck with a heart on it.

She tries to look down to see what he put around her so I kneel down with my phone so she can see it better. She smiles when her face comes onto the screen and begins to make her usual fish faces at it. _Emma focus!_ "So pretty!" She squeals when I lower it to show her the necklace and she jumps into his arms. "I love you daddy, thank you!"

"I love you too, princess. Thank _you_ "

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

Later that evening, the three of us are sitting in our living room watching television. Well, Emma is watching television as we try and wear her out so Christian and I can consummate our engagement. Of course, everyone wanted to celebrate with us, which we would be doing tomorrow evening but tonight we wanted it to just be our small family. Emma is sitting in front of us on her blanket, playing with her toys, not a care in the world that her parents are sneaking kisses behind her. I see one of her toys bounce under the table nearest to me and I watch her go after it. I'm immediately on the move behind her to make sure she doesn't bang her head on the table, but when she comes back from under it she has not only a toy but a picture. She looks at the picture and frowns once. I can't tell what she's looking at so I move to get a better look. She looks up at me and then down at the picture again as if she doesn't understand what she's looking at. "Emma?" She says holding it out for me and I realize it's a picture of her Michael, Alli, Christian and myself.

Christian is next to me instantly and wraps his arms around Emma and pulls her to sit on the couch. "Emma" he says to her softly.

"Mommy and Daddy?" She points at the two people standing closest to her and then her hands move to outwards a little. "Ana" she whispers. "C-C"

My breath hitches in my throat hearing her refer to us by our nicknames. Christian and I thought once she started calling us Mommy and Daddy maybe we had avoided the talk for a few years or at very least until she was much older. And even now I have no idea what she's thinking and I don't think she can articulate it.

"Princess, what are you thinking about?" Christian asks her as he cups her tiny face. _I don't think I could have hand picked a better father to my children. He's unbelievably sweet and caring with her and I know he'll be the same with the babies I give him._

Her lip trembles and just as I thought she doesn't know what she's feeling or thinking only that she recognizes the other people in the picture. "Aren't- you mommy?" She asks looking at me and I hesitate before I nod. "Yes, sweetheart. I am"

"Daddy?" She points at Christian and he looks at me before looking back at her.

"Yes"

"But-" she looks at the picture and her eyes narrow again as if she's trying to remember something and then she looks around the room as if she's looking for something and then back at me. "Where?"

"We have to tell her… something?" Christian asks and I nod as I pull her into my lap and closer to my chest and hold her, not wanting the pain of Christian's words to hurt her any more than I anticipate that they will. "Pumpkin, do you know how much we love you?"

She nods, as her thumb finds her mouth and buries her face into my chest. I pull her tiny chin up to look at me. "We will always be there for you"

"These two" he points at Michael and Alli. "Were your mommy and daddy."

"Mommy and Daddy" she nods. "Where they go?" She says looking around and then back at Christian.

"They went away, baby" I tell her. "And they asked us to take care of you."

"Not here?"

"No… they're gone"

"Gone?!" Her eyes widen and the tears start to form in her eyes and I feel my heart breaking with each passing second.

"Yes" Christian says and I see the tears form in his eyes as he thinks about our deceased best friends.

"They can come back?"

"No honey, they're not coming back." I say pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

"But.. why?"

"They can't. They're angels now" I tell her.

"Angels?" Her eyes widen as she knows what they are- in the sense that they have halos and wings.

"Yes and they will always be looking out for Emma." Christian says.

"Can I see them?"

"No… but you can feel them" I tell her. "Here" I touch her chest lightly.

"In my tummy?"

"In your heart. And when you're older, Daddy and I will talk to you more about them, okay?"

She nods before she climbs further into my arms. I wrap my arms around her as I feel my neck starting to get wet from her tears as I softly rub her back. I walk upstairs and lie down in our bed with her, keeping her cradled to my chest. A few moments later, Christian joins me in our bed, on the other side of Emma and wraps both of us in his arms, both of us shielding all the pain we can from the tiny person between us.

* * *

 **A/N: Make sure you're following me on Facebook for teasers and sneak peeks! Q Bee OhThree**

 **There's probably only one chapter left in this and then the epilogue!**


	11. I'll Be Coming Home, Wait For Me

My eyes raise slowly after a few steps, my eyes breaking it's gaze from the endless stream of pink roses underneath the pink pumps that my daughter insisted I wear to match the ones on her tiny feet. I've been focused on them as I try not to trip, concentrating on putting one foot in front of the other. But halfway to my destination I feel his gaze penetrating me and I look up to see him smiling at me. I smile back, the tears springing to my eyes as I hear the faint instrumental sounds of _Can't Help Falling in Love With You._ My eyes find the small person standing with the man I love in the place I'll be standing in a few moments. She bounces up and down in excitement, her wicker basket completely emptied of her rose petals and I smile. Her excitement is infectious. His smile is infectious. Together, they bring me so much joy, I think my heart could explode. My thoughts drift back to another time I was walking a familiar path, but for a completely different reason.

 _ **Five Years Ago**_

 _I want to kill her. Regardless that it's her wedding day and she's the bride and I have to do what she says, I want to kill Allison Caroline soon to be Northington. "Christian is the best man, Ana. You're the maid of honor. Suck it up and get your ass down the aisle!" She barked as I whined about having to walk down the aisle with the man that makes me want to scream. So here I was at the top of the aisle, having just linked arms with the man I hate._

" _You're joking" I grit out through my fake smile having felt him just grab my ass._

" _What? Youur ass looks fantastic in that dress" he says, the smile never leaving his face flashing the entire crowd his perfect teeth._

" _Do not touch me"_

" _I am touching you"_

" _You're a child!"_

" _Keep smiling, dollface. They're taking pictures"_

" _Who the fuck says dollface?"_

" _Don't say fuck" he says_

" _You just said it" I retort and I know I sound like a child but it's taking everything out of me not to whack him in the face with my bouquet of flowers._

" _Almost there, Steele."_

" _Thank God" I breathe out as we reach the end of the aisle where we are supposed to part ways. Just as we are about to breakaway I hear-_

" _So your room or mine later?"_

 _My mouth drops open as he finds his space next to Michael and I shake my head at him giving him a scowl. Christian's index fingers find his cheeks and he smiles reminding me that I need to do the same. Ass._

XXXXX

I chuckle to myself as I'm brought back into the present and before I know it my father is passing me off to the man from my memories as well as the one of my dreams.

"What's so funny?" Christian asks me as he holds my hand and rubs his lips over it, completely ignoring that we are supposed to be getting married and not having a casual conversation.

"The last time we walked down the aisle" I whisper, ignoring the officiant who's already began talking. Christian's eyes find Emma next to me no doubt remembering her parents and my eyes follow his. Emma smiles up at us and then her tiny hand finds the space next to her cheek and she gives us a tiny wave causing a round of chuckles from the crowd. _What a ham._

There isn't a dry eye in the house for the majority of the ceremony, but the kicker, which sent everyone including myself into a fit of waterworks was when Christian picked up Emma and they _both_ slid the ring onto my finger. _It wasn't traditional, it wasn't classic, it was us. And it was perfect._ He held her in his arms for the rest of the ceremony, and after he planted a kiss on me marking me his bride, we both kissed Emma on her cheek which to be honest got the better response.

We are about to walk back down the aisle taking our first steps as man and wife when my mom motions to take Emma. Christian and I both shake our heads immediately. "No, she stays with us." I smile, knowing that my mother just assumed we'd want some alone time before the craziness of the reception. _We will have two weeks of alone time._ I smile to myself as Christian has already promised me we'd start working on our second child on this honeymoon and that more than likely I was coming back from Hawaii pregnant.

We are pulled into a small tent away from the garden where we just had the nuptials and Emma almost lunges out of Christian's arms for me.

"Em, careful. Let's keep Mommy's dress, clean, okay?" His eyes rake me over twice and he smiles as Emma's legs find their way around my waist. "You look so beautiful" he murmurs quietly and leans forward once pressing his lips to mine gently. "I love you"

I'm about to reply when I hear the person on my hip chirping up. "What about meeee"

"You look very pretty too, princess. I love you too" he says pressing a kiss to the top of her head, careful not to mess up the bow around her head. I hear the click of a camera behind me and a flash, reflecting off the walls of the tent. I look over to see our photographer moving towards us.

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but I couldn't resist" she smiles. "The three of you are the most perfect family"

I look at Christian and he's staring at us like we are the most precious things in the world and it takes my breath away. "I think so too" I say suddenly wishing that I didn't have a tiny person wrapped around me so I could let my husband kiss me properly. I look at Emma and press a kiss to her nose.

"Do you want to go to Gram?" I ask referring to my mother and she looks at Christian and then back at me. She nods before furrowing her brow.

"Uncle Lell?" She asks. Her Uncle Elliott had quickly become one of her favorite people, much to Christian's annoyance as he wondered if he could possibly take Daddy's place as Emma's number one guy.

I press my palm to his cheek as I see his face slightly fall. "I want a minute alone with you" I tell him, hoping that it will snap him out of his thoughts and sure enough he smiles.

"I want to take some pictures of her alone" the photographer tells us. "And then I'll take her to your brother. I need him and your maid of honor anyway."

"You want to go take pictures?" I ask Emma and her eyes immediately light up as she loves the camera.

"Cheeeeese!" She yells as I set her down and she bolts for the lady with the camera.

"No running! Em, your dress is white!" I chuckle as I have a vision of her covered in grass stains.

She runs past the photographer and out of the tent and the photographer takes off after her, following behind her snapping photos like crazy.

"Alone at last" I giggle as I wrap my arms around him my lips finding his immediately. The sounds of _Stand By Me_ surround us as the cocktail hour has already commensed. His arms wrap around me and he begins to slowly move.

"We're not supposed to dance yet."

"Who cares." He tells me as he begins to sing quietly in my ear. "Darlin, darlin, stand by me, oh stand by me, stand by me"

My face finds his neck and I breathe in his cologne. "Always" I whisper as my lips find his jaw. I pepper kisses along his jawline and down his neck. My arms wrap around his neck as we move slowly back and forth, without a care in the world of what's going on outside of the tent. "I wish they were here" I say quietly not wanting to break the romantic moment but knowing that I can always share what I'm feeling with this man holding me close.

"They are"

My eyes find his, the tears in his a direct reflection of mine as I understand what he means. _They're in Emma. They're in us. They're everywhere._ Their physical bodies aren't here, but they're with us. _Everyday. And they wouldn't have missed this for the world._ I nod and he presses a kiss to my forehead as the song comes to a close.

"Should we get out there, Mrs. Grey?"

"Yes please"

I start to pull away when he holds me tighter. "Hey"

"Hey what?" I say shooting him a cheeky smirk.

"I'm glad we did this, dollface"

I roll my eyes. "Fuck you"

"Oh believe me. I will. Before the night's over" he smiles and I gulp knowing he plans to make good on that promise.

* * *

After an hour of pictures, we're standing at the entrance to the tent waiting to make our entrance for the first time as "Mr. and Mrs. Grey." We take a few steps and I gasp taking in the beauty of the tent, the twinkling lights hanging from the top taking my breath away. I look around to see one hundred of our closest friends and family on their feet, the tears in their eyes as we make our way to the dance floor for our first dance. I see Emma standing in a chair at the table for the three of us in the center of the room just off of the dance floor, my mom and Christian's mom standing with her.

"For the first time, Mr. and Mrs. Grey." I can barely hear the first few notes of the song as everyone has begun clinking their glasses with their silverware and I smile knowing what they want us to do.

I look up, and he presses a kiss to my lips as the words surround us and I feel my heart constrict wondering what in the world possessed us to choose our first dance to be to this song. My eyes find Emma who waves excitedly at us and I remember.

"It's okay to cry, baby" I hear him say breaking me from my thoughts.

 _Oh, my love_

 _My darling_

 _I've hungered, hungered for your touch_

 _A long, lonely time_

 _And time goes by so slowly_

 _And time can do so much_

 _Are you still mine?_

 _I need your love_

 _I need your love_

 _Godspeed your love to me_

When we were picking the song for our first dance, we'd gone back and forth on this song before deciding that we wanted to remember the two people that brought us together by using the song that they first danced to at their wedding. Alli and Michael loved each other deeply until the very end, and although the end was too soon, their love was real. I'm brought back to the words I said at their funeral "a love you see once- maybe twice in a lifetime." I smile as I realize that Christian and I now fall into this category.

Although I'm not looking at anyone besides Christian, I can hear the sounds of crying around us, a good number of the people here, attended Alli and Michael's wedding and are probably remembering our dearest friends along with us. The tears fall down my cheek rapidly and soon I feel Christian's lips on mine, and a tear drop hitting my cheek. And I know that he's using me to shield himself from the room, not wanting them to see him this vulnerable.

The song ends and we stay holding onto each other. The room is so silent you can hear a pin drop as we cling to each other over the memory of our friends. He pulls back finally and rests his head against mine.

"I love you, Steele"

"I love you too" I whisper, a small smile crossing my face at his attempt at a joke. His hands find my eyes as he gently wipes under them and I find his face doing the same before we make our way off the dance floor. Everyone had sat down for our dance, but as we left the floor, everyone was back on their feet clapping as if we had just given some profound performance and not had a breakdown during our first dance as man and wife.

We reach our table and Emma looks at Christian. "Time for cake?" She asks her eyes wide.

"Not yet, pumpkin" I tell her as I press my kiss to her forehead. "Do you want to dance with Daddy?" I ask her. We'd planned for her to dance with Christian before I danced with my father, but we weren't sure if she'd be running around or already too hyped up to adhere to a schedule.

"Dance?" She smiles before nodding and hopping off her chair and skipping towards the dance floor. My eyes don't stand a chance as _My Girl_ begins to play and the tears are already flying down my cheeks as I watch my husband dance with my daughter. I look around the room and people have started singing more than likely to Emma. Everyone that has come into contact with her probably feels as if she's responsible for sunshine on cloudy days and the month of May with her good nature and kind heart even at two years old. The song ends and she comes running towards me. _God how isn't she tired from all this running she's doing?_

"Did you see me, Mommy?!"

"I saw you, you were so good!"

I help her climb into her chair but she manages to make her way into my lap and stands up.

"Emma!" Christian laughs and I shake my head at the fact that she's standing on my white dress with her shoes on. She looks down at her feet and then at me as if to say "oops". She sits down and tries to brush the dirt off and I laugh before pulling her to stand back up, dirty shoes and all and placing a kiss on her lips.

* * *

About two hours into the reception, I realize that I really have to go to the bathroom, so I've slipped away with Mia as I need someone to help me hold my dress up. I'm leaving the bathroom to head back to the reception when I feel a hand on my chest effectively pushing me back into the room.

"Really!?" I hear Mia laugh from on the other side of the door.

Christian doesn't even bother to reply before his lips are on mine, kissing me deeply, madly, aggressively. The kiss we haven't been able to have every time our lips touch in response to people clinking their glasses. Those have been soft gentle kisses, and we've hardly used any tongue. This is a kiss I feel all over, from the top of my head to the tips of my toes. His tongue, explores my mouth and I taste the bourbon, coupled with my champagne making for a sensual concoction. "God I want to get you naked" he whispers against my mouth.

"Not yet" I moan, wanting nothing more than to give in and let him have his wicked way with me in the middle of our wedding.

"When can we leave?"

I chuckle. "Not yet" I whimper as he begins to plant wet kisses along the side of my face and neck.

"I need you so much Anastasia" his voice is hoarse, partly out of lust and partly due to all of the alcohol he's consumed I would imagine.

My hands wrap around his neck and I push myself as close as I can get to him in this cumbersome dress. "I need you too" I whisper as I take his bottom lip between my teeth and nibble. "I need my husband" I purr. Hearing the words leave my lips sets my skin on fire and seems to send said husband into a frenzy.

"Fuck me, _wife"_ he replies as his hands find my chest and gropes my breasts _hard._

"You're drunk" I giggle at him.

"I'm not, I swear" he tells me as his teeth nips the top of my breast as he sucks on the skin.

"Liar" I giggle.

"I'm not as drunk as I was at Alli and Michael's wedding"

I chuckle. "Oh that ain't saying much" I say shaking my head as I remember the drunken man that spent the night hitting on bridesmaids, and anyone in a dress for that matter, charming the pants off of every woman over 60, and overall being the life of the party.

 _ **Five Years Ago**_

" _Want to dance, Steele?"_

" _Get real" I roll my eyes as I nurse the stiff martini that I'm hoping will give me the beer goggles to make some of these men start to appear attractive. The truth was Michael only had one truly attractive friend, and he pissed me off beyond belief._

 _Could I hook up with Christian? I think. I shake my head, ridding the craziness from my brain._

" _Suit yourself, I don't know why you're fighting it" he says as he leans forward and whispers in my ear. "You know you want me"_

 _I roll my eyes for the hundredth time and turn my head to look at him, our lips almost touching in the process. "You're drunk"_

" _In love" he chuckles. His hand finds mine and squeezes hard. "You know where to find me if you change your mind."_

" _Underneath any number of Alli's bridesmaids?" I snort._

" _The only bridesmaid I'm interested in getting underneath is you, Steele" he says as he takes a sip of his beer. I watch as he swallows and wets his lips with his tongue and I have a vision of him rubbing his lips across mine. I look at the martini in my hand and immediately put it down, knowing that I've had enough if I'm fantasizing about kissing Christian._

 _Not in this lifetime._

" _Come see me when you're sober, Grey. And we'll talk." I know he's just saying this because he's drunk and I'm not about to engage him in this stupid cat and mouse game he's trying to play. I stand up, leaving my glass at the table when his hand grabs mine again lacing our fingers._

" _Steele"_

" _What, Grey"_

" _I'm serious"_

" _Sure you are" I chuckle._

 _He actually looks sad at my words and he promptly drops my hand in response. I take a few steps away from the table before I stop. Why was I fighting Christian so hard? Maybe… maybe he's just what I need to clear the cobwebs out. I mean wedding hookups were always a good time. I turn around willing to at least consider it when I see Jess, a friend of Alli's from work sitting in Christian's lap and I snort as I keep walking._

 _Crisis averted._

XXXXX

I'm brought out of my thoughts by Christian's mouth unrelenting against mine. "Just one taste, baby. Please" He pleads. "Just to get me through the night." I present him my lips and only when he shakes his head do I realize where he means.

"That's not where I want to kiss you, Anastasia" he growls and I groan knowing that he's about to turn me into a puddle of need.

"Yes" I whisper simply.

His eyebrows almost fly to the ceiling in shock. "I was expecting you to put up a fight" he says as he gets on his knees in front of me and climbs completely underneath my dress. I look down and I chuckle because I look normal because of how big my skirt is. I moan when I feel his lips at the apex of my thighs wishing I could find his head underneath all of the material.

"Fuck" I moan. He pushes my underwear to the side, and I'm surprised he doesn't rip them completely from me. My thoughts about my unripped panties are long forgotten as his tongue slides through my folds. I didn't realize I was as wet as I am but the second I feel his tongue rub against my clit I'm ready to come. "Christian I don't want to come standing up, I have nothing to lean on" I say, reminding him how powerful my orgasms are and how they've been known to cause my legs to give out.

I feel his hands cup my bottom as he works me over. "I got you, baby"

I whimper and I feel myself nearing the edge when the door opens. My eyes fly open and I see Elliott standing in front of me with three shots of what I assume is tequila. "Sis in law" he chuckles. "Where's that asshole brother of mine, we're doing a shot" he says and I breathe a sigh of relief when I realize that he's way more drunk than Christian.

"Uhh… I don't know… maybe you should go find him?"

"Mia said she left you guys together. I figured you were fucking but I didn't hear anything before I came in"

I'm about to answer when I hear "You still could have knocked asshole." Christian climbs out from under my dress and Elliott's eyes widen before he starts hysterically laughing.

"Oh God, that's rich."

"You couldn't have stayed under there. He didn't know!" I stomp my foot and Christian looks at Elliott and then at me before he wraps an arm around me.

"He knew baby" he says before he presses a kiss to my temple.

I look at him and he smiles sheepishly. "If you're in the vicinity, my brother is on top of you. The second I didn't see him in this room, I had a hunch"

"Just give me the damn shot" I growl, annoyed by the fact that his brother knew what we were doing _and_ that I didn't get my orgasm.

We head back into the reception just in time for everyone to be singing at the top of their lungs. I look around at everyone that has come together for our wedding and I have to say that I've never been happier. I glance upward realizing that Christian was right. They _were_ here. And they wouldn't have missed this for anything.

 _Don't want to close my eyes_

 _I don't want to fall asleep_

' _Cause I'd miss you baby_

 _And I don't want to miss a thing_

' _Cause even when I dream of you_

 _The sweetest dream will never do_

 _I'd still miss you baby_

 _And I don't want to miss a thing_

* * *

We are nearing the end of the night and somehow, Emma is still awake. I'm not sure if it's all the people, or all the sugar but she's been running around for the past twenty minutes. Christian and I were leaving for Hawaii the next night and while we planned to spend the whole day with Emma tomorrow we wanted to begin preparing her for Mommy and Daddy's departure now.

We were staying at our house tonight, wanting to give Emma one more night of normalcy before she begins her 'Honeymoon' tour consisting of nights at my parents, Christian's parents, Elliott and Mia's houses.

The last song is starting and we make our way to the dancefloor. Christian pulls Emma into his arms as the band announces that this song is for the three of us.

"This has been the best day of my life" I tell him and I'm rewarded with a heart-stopping smile.

"Mine too, baby. You're going to be so happy you married me" he chuckles. "I'm going to make you so happy"

"You already do" I tell him as his lips find mine just in time for the entire room to start singing.

 _She's got a smile that it seems to me_

 _Reminds me of childhood memories_

 _Where everything_

 _Was as fresh as the bright blue sky_

 _Now and then when I see her face_

 _She takes me away to that special place_

 _And if I stared too long_

 _I'd probably break down and cry_

 _Sweet child o' mine_

 _Sweet love of mine_

* * *

 **A/N: So they're married! I thought this was the perfect place to end this chapter AND I actually have a little bit of steam still left for this story. I thought I was going to end it, but I mean I have to do Emma's adoption aaand the introduction to another little person, RIGHT? ;)**


	12. Hawaiian Honeymoon

Christian and I were ready to ravage each other the second that we got back to our house. But Emma, on the other hand, had other plans. It was nearing midnight, and Emma was wide awake making me wonder just how much cake she was given during the reception. I've heard the phrase bouncing off the walls but Emma took it to a completely different level. She was literally bouncing everywhere. I rub my forehead, feeling a headache coming on from too much champagne at the reception when I see Emma jumping on the bed.

"Emma, don't jump!" I tell her. "Where's Daddy?"

I follow her gaze behind me to see Christian holding his iPhone up… recording.

"Don't encourage her!"

He quickly puts the phone down. "Right, sorry. No jumping, princess."

"Daddy, catch me!" She yells before she goes flying off the bed and towards him. Luckily he was close enough to grab her before she face planted on the ground.

I blink my eyes several times at him showing my annoyance. "She needs to go to B-E-D"

"Princess it's time to go night night" he tells her and she shakes her head.

"No night!" She pushes his cheeks together and presses a kiss to his lips. "Pleeeease Daddy"

I raise an eyebrow at him as if to say. 'The sooner you put her to bed, the sooner **we** can go to bed.'

"How about we go read?" Christian asks her. Emma taps her chin as if she's thinking and I snort as I witness my husband negotiating with a two year old.

"Daddy, hungry!" She exclaims.

 _Checkmate. She's got him._

"Goodnight!" I tell him as I climb into bed knowing that I'll be asleep by the time he returns. I would love to wait up for him, but the exhaustion is setting in, having not slept much the last week. I was going to crash and I was going to crash hard.

"Please stay up, baby. I need you." He tells me and I can't resist the yawn that escapes my lips.

"Your window is closing, Grey."

"Steele." He growls in response and my eyebrows go to my hairline.

"Last time I checked, my name changed tonight." I giggle.

* * *

The next morning I'm pulled out of sleep as I feel someone stir right up against me. I open my eyes to find Emma pressed against my side, her thumb in her mouth suckling. I gently remove it and her eyes flutter open. "Mommy" she whimpers and climbs into my arms resting her head on my chest.

"What is it, pumpkin?" I ask her kissing the top of her head. I look to the other side of the bed and I don't see my husband and I'm a little sad that on our first day as husband and wife I'm waking up in bed without him.

 _And why is Emma here? Christian and I need some alone time, ASAP. I love my little pumpkin but I am ready to be in Hawaii._

She doesn't answer and I wonder what it is that has her so clingy right now. I'm stroking her back when I smell cinnamon wafting through the air. I open my eyes to see Christian standing at the entrance to our bedroom with a tray in his hands. He moves through the room and sits down next to me, revealing a tray of pancakes, bacon, fresh fruit and coffee.

"Did you make this?"

"I did." He nods. "I followed your pancakes recipe."

My mouth drops open and at this point Emma's head has perked up off of my chest. "Pancakes!" She sticks her hand towards my plate and before Christian can stop her she's pulled one off the plate and into her mouth.

"Emma!" He chuckles. "That's for mommy"

She freezes, and pulls it from her mouth after taking a bite and holds it out towards my face. "Here go" she says with a mouthful of pancakes.

The rest of the day is spent with family coming in and out, wanting to say their final goodbyes before we left for our honeymoon. Emma clings to us both like life rafts, making it impossible to sneak away for even so much as a makeout session.

* * *

There were a series of unfortunate events regarding our flight that left us flying coach versus first class which wouldn't be the worst thing if it weren't for the fact that I was stuck with the horrendous middle seat. Christian passed out the second his ass hit his seat, and I was stuck listening to a woman tell me about her precious twin Yorkies. My headphones which I didn't think I would need because I figured Christian and I would be in our own romantic little world, were in my suitcase, and NOT accessible.

By the time we hit Hawaii, I was exhausted, cranky, horny and felt like my bladder could burst at any moment.

It's eleven o'clock when we check into the hotel and Christian and I have barely said two words to each other, both of us completely over this aggressive day of traveling.

 _It's been almost twenty four hours since Christian and I said "I do." Since we made the promises to love, honor and respect each other for the rest of our lives. Almost twenty four hours since his mouth almost brought me to orgasm before his brother interrupted us. Almost twenty four hours, and I still. haven't. come._

 _I'm ready to explode._

I was exhausted but I would be damned if I was going another night without consummating our marriage.

The hotel like the airline seemed to have other plans for us.

"Mr. and Mrs. Grey, we are sorry about this but it seems that we've double booked the Honeymoon suite for your first night."

"What?" Christian asks. "How is that possible?"

"The couple that has been with us the last week asked to stay another night, and there was a mix up in the paperwork."

"What you forgot we were coming?"

"The couple will be leaving tomorrow and then we will transfer you to the room. And can we say that we are very sorry for the inconvenience."

"This is a five star resort, how the hell are you making this kind of mistake?" Christian is borderline shouting and despite the late hour there are a good amount of people in the lobby. I look around and see people staring at my irate husband.

"Baby, it's fine. We'll just get another room?"

He turns to me and frowns. "It's not fine. It's our goddamned honeymoon."

I stroke his cheek and give him a smile, trying to calm his anger knowing that he's frustrated about way more than just the room. "We will be fine in any room with a bed." I shoot him my sexiest smile and my teeth find my bottom lip.

He smiles at me and runs his knuckles down my cheek. He shakes his head knowing that I've just successfully calmed him down before he turns back to the concierge. "What room are we?"

"507, sir. And we will have you moved the second the suite is available and ready. And of course we will compensate you for the inconvenience."

"Fine" he says grabbing the keys from the counter and pulling me away from the front desk.

"Oh Mr. and Mrs. Grey, would you like a wake up call for-"

I'm about to answer that it isn't necessary when Christian turns towards them and walks back over to the desk. "Let me be clear, it is the first day of our honeymoon, so unless the hotel is on fire, do. not. disturb. us."

* * *

I was barely two steps into the room before I was pushed up against the wall, and my husband's mouth sealing over mine, his tongue immediately searching for mine. I whimper in response, feeling his tongue aggressively rub against mine as his hand finds my breast, groping it hard.

He pulls away and stares into my eyes. "I need to be inside of you." He whispers. "It's been… too long."

"I can't believe we didn't have sex last night. It was our first night as a married couple." I pout.

"So _that's_ why they say don't have babies out of wedlock" he chuckles referring to the baby that effectively cockblocked us on our wedding night.

"I wouldn't trade her for the world though." I smile thinking about how excited I was to get away with my husband, but now how much I missed my little pumpkin.

"Never." He tells me as he pulls me to the bed and I'm underneath of him instantly. "I can't believe…" He nuzzles his face in my neck and I feel his lips graze the skin. "I can't believe how different my life was a year ago."

"You can't believe you hated me?"

"I never hated you, baby. Ever." He tells me as he flicks his tongue along my pulse point.

"You know that's a lie." I giggle. "I was not your favorite person. We were like oil and water."

"And now you're my favorite person." He whispers in my ear. "You're the most important person in my life, Anastasia. I would do anything for you."

"I hate thinking about how you became such a big part of my life…" I trail off, as I try to avoid my brain from thinking about Alli and Michael which would effectively kill the mood. "But I'm just glad that you're here now."

"And never going anywhere." He presses a kiss to my lips and I open my mouth granting him entrance to my mouth. I feel his hands under my dress and lifting it over my head and throwing it across the room. He trails his lips down my chest and stomach and lands on the tiny piece of fabric between my legs.

"I had…" I moan out, my mind somewhat incoherent as I feel his breath on the wet material resting against my folds. "Lingerie for tonight."

"Don't care" he mumbles against my thigh. "You have two weeks to wear it. I need you now." He says as he pulls my underwear down my legs. He peppers kisses up from my ankle to my inner thigh. "I love you wife," he whispers against my skin.

"I already love being Mrs. Grey." I moan. "I love being called your wife."

His lips are on mine again and his hands find my arms, putting them above my head as he slides inside of me. Our eyes lock as he enters me and I let out a deep sigh at feeling connected so intimately. He stops his thrusts and stares down at me. "Tell me you love me," he orders as he pulls my legs to rest over his shoulders. "Tell me now." He says as he begins to slide in and out of me slowly.

"I love you so much" I hear my own words but I don't even realize it's me saying them. My mind focused on the pleasure his cock is inflicting on my pussy.

"Can I take you from behind?"

"God, yes" I moan as he flips me over and pulls me onto my hands and knees. He pushes my hair to the side and I feel his lips trailing kisses down my back before I feel his tongue following the same trail back up my spine. I shudder at the sensual act before I feel the sudden intrusion of his cock at my folds.

"Fuck" I moan out. "Christian." I clutch the blankets underneath me as I begin to meet him thrust for thrust as I slide back on his cock.

"God, you're perfect. I need. you. so. much." He says each word a harsh thrust into my throbbing folds.

"I need you more."

His thrusts become more and more aggressive as I believe my words spur him on. "I'm going to come, baby. I need you to come, Anastasia." He says through gritted teeth as I feel his fingertips digging into my hips.

I feel him slip out of me and within moments I'm on my back and he's sliding back into me, his hands cupping my face. My hand reaches up to his face, gently stroking his jaw as he rubs mine as well. He kisses my open palm, his eyes never leaving mine. I've never felt Christian this deep, or maybe it's the fact that his eyes are boring into my soul and this is the first time we've consummated our marriage. "I'm so close," I whisper as his thumb finds its way into my mouth. I bite down gently and begin to suck it, similarly to how I would suck his dick.

"Fuck, Anastasia. Come for me, do it now. Keep your eyes open, Mrs. Grey."

Hearing my new name fall from his lips is my undoing and I cry out. "Christian!" I scream.

I shatter around his cock, my walls tightening around him as I feel him falling over the edge as well and shooting his seed deep inside of me. "Fuck!" He roars as he collapses on top of me and his lips find mine. Our lips are attached for what feels like hours relishing in the first act of sexual intimacy as man and wife. I finally pull away from him, as I feel the last of the air leave my lungs and I become desperate for my next breath. I let out a deep breath and Christian does the same, our lips but a millimeter apart.

"Hi beautiful." He whispers against my mouth as his nose rubs against mine gently.

"Hi" I smile as I feel his hands in my hair. I feel his lips on my forehead, my lips, my cheeks, my chin.

"I love you, Mrs. Grey. We're going to be so fucking happy together."

* * *

I'm awakened by the sounds of a giggle I'd know anywhere. That high pitched squeal that could make your ears bleed if it didn't warm your heart so much. A smile finds my face as I turn my face to the side expecting to see my daughter when I'm met with an empty space next to me and sheets. My eyes flutter open as the last of the sleep melts away and the flood of the past week washes over me as I take in the surroundings of our Hawaiian bungalow.

 _I'm married._

 _I married Christian Grey._

The thought sends a spark through me as I sit up in the huge California King Bed in the center of this gorgeous honeymoon suite. I rub my fingers over my swollen lips and smile as my teeth find my bottom lip, the events of last night running through my mind.

Christian and I have made love for the better part of the past 7 days but last night was… _unreal._

I had so many orgasms at one point I had to push him away in an attempt to regain some of the sense that he had fucked out of me. I peek my head under the plush, white blanket and discover my used and abused naked body. My nipples are red and raw from his beard as he'd spent the majority of the night pulling and biting on them. _I'm surprised they're still attached._ I can see the faint bruises forming from his fingertips that dug into my hips while he pounded into me. My hand finds the space between my legs and I almost yelp when I feel the soreness of it.

 _I feel incredible._

"Oh Emma!" I let the blanket drop, ending my evaluation of the sexual damage Christian inflicted on my body. I see Christian standing at the entrance to our bedroom. "Do you want to say hi to Mommy?"

"Mommy!" I hear from the other end of what I assume to be a FaceTime.

He sits on the bed next to me. "Good morning, baby," he kisses the side of my head and hands me the phone. _How is it that a simple kiss and a term of endearment has me wanting to mount him?_

"Hi pumpkin!"

"Mommy!" She screeches into the phone and I can't help the giggle that escapes my lips.

"How are you? What are you doing?" I look at Christian wondering what time it is there and why Emma is up so early. "What time is it?"

"It's eleven here. So it's eight o'clock there."

"Why didn't you wake me sooner?"

"You looked so peaceful." He tells me. "And I had you up late."

My eyes widen that he's making a sexual insinuation in front of our baby but when I look back at the camera, Emma is staring at something over the phone, drinking out of her sippy cup.

"Emma, pumpkin" I call to her trying to get her attention.

"Hmmm?" She says, her eyes not leaving whatever it is she's looking at.

"Are you watching TV?" I ask her.

She pulls her cup from her mouth. "Ryder!" She chants as she begins to bounce in front of us.

"Okay, we are going to go now." Christian says and I frown.

"Wait, I barely got to talk to her."

"Well we've lost her now" he jokes. "Emma, can you put Papa on?" He asks using her name for Carrick.

"PAPAAAAA" Emma screams before she pops her sippy cup back into her mouth.

"I'm right here, Ems" he chuckles before he takes the phone. I immediately move out of the way of the screen as I'm wearing nothing but a sheet and a smile. And while Emma wouldn't know the difference I am sure my father in law would.

"How's Hawaii son?" I hear.

He looks at me and shoots me a devilish smirk. "Oh shit, is that where we are? I wouldn't know." He smiles before turning back to the screen.

I toss a pillow at him and I can hear his father chuckling. "Well enjoy. Try and see some sights, will ya? Give that poor girl of yours a break."

I groan and pull the sheets over my head fully embarrassed that this man is discussing our honeymoon activities- or lack thereof with his father. "Trust me, she doesn't need a break."

"CHRISTIAN!" I squeal from under the covers.

"I think I'm in trouble. Bye Dad"

I pull the covers away and glare at him. "Really?"

He ignores my irritation and lies down on the bed next to me, pulling me closer to him. "Last night was amazing, Ana. I never felt as close to someone. And I don't think I've ever come that many times in one night." He rubs his lips across mine, across my cheek and down my neck. I feel his hands wrap around my thighs and he spreads them, telling me what he wants. Despite my soreness, my legs open for him instinctively. I wrap my legs around him and he slides right in.

I gasp and I bite down on his shoulder slightly as I feel him invade my body. "What is it?" He pulls back to look at me.

"I'm just a little sore" I wince and he seems to be proud of himself because of my response.

"Is that so?" His voice is so low and seductive I feel myself moistening even more, allowing him to glide in and out of me easier. He continues to thrust slowly and gently, making love to me. "Do you think we made a baby last night?"

"I would say there's a good chance. I think more of your sperm was in me than in you by the time the night was over."

He shoots me a grin. "Last night was the best night of my life."

"I never knew it could be like that… so raw and passionate."

He chuckles. "How do you think Emma will react to having a sibling?" He asks.

"I don't know. Have a fit about not being the only child?"

"Or be thrilled to have someone to play with?"

"Guess we'll see." I tell him.

"Oh yes we will."

* * *

I drop into my seat in first class with a deep sigh. "What a trip. I am exhausted." I sigh as I look out the window towards the paradise we are leaving behind.

"How? We are leaving vacation. We didn't do anything but fuck for two weeks!"

I snap my head away from the window and meet his gaze. "Will you keep your voice down? I don't think the flight attendants in the back of the plane heard you. And you kept me up all last night!" I rest my head on the headrest and close my eyes as I feel the sleep creeping in.

I probably only got an hour of sleep last night, Christian wanting to soak up every second of alone time.

"I didn't hear you complaining at the time," he mumbles.

My eyes flutter open and I see him scrolling through emails from the station. I raise the armrest between us and lay my head on his shoulder. "I'm sorry I'm just a little cranky." I rub my eyes slightly, thankful I didn't put any eye makeup on for this ungodly early flight.

He smiles and brushes his lips over my forehead. "You and Emma are both cranky when you first wake up. I have my work cut out for me."

My eyes flutter closed and I press my cheek against his shoulder. "These were the best two weeks of my life."

"And just think we have another excuse to do this in about seven or eight months."

My eyes open and I look at him curiously wondering where he plans to take us. "What do you mean?"

"Aren't babymoons a thing?"

My eyes widen at his confidence that we are already pregnant and my teeth find my bottom lip. "You seem awfully sure that we made a baby, Mr. Grey." His eyes darken and his hand shoots to the overhead calling for a flight attendant.

"I'm sure of it." He responds.

"We haven't even taken off yet. What could you possibly want?" I narrow my eyes at him.

A flight attendant with her blonde hair pulled back into a sleek ponytail comes into view. "Hi, can I help you?" She runs her tongue over her bottom lip, and while I don't think she's trying to be inappropriate, I can't help my hand that begins to stroke Christian's hand on it's own.

"Yes, my wife is cold… do you think we can get a blanket?"

"Of course, I'll be back in a moment." She says before she sashays back down the aisle.

"I'm not cold." I furrow my brows together in question. _Quite the opposite actually, we haven't taken off yet so this airplane is a borderline sauna._

"Yes, well I don't need the entire first class to see my hand in your pants" he whispers in my ear before he places a loud kiss on my cheek. I giggle and roll my eyes knowing that I won't be getting any sleep on this plane ride home.

The second that the itchy cotton blanket has crossed my lap I feel his hands sliding past the waistband of my joggers and inside of the silky fabric that covers my core. I let out a sigh as my eyes flutter closed when I feel his finger lightly stroking my folds and I allow the sensations to take me back to the beginning of the trip and the first time we had made love as man and wife.

 _What a trip._

* * *

 **A/N:** **Make sure you're in my group on FB, it's called The Bee Hive! ;)**


	13. Happily Ever After

**A/N: First and foremost- Happy Birthday, Kelly! This one is for you, girl :)**

* * *

 **April: APOV**

I'm roused from my sleep when I feel my husband's stubble rubbing against my neck and his lips nibbling gently on my jaw. I moan in response, and I feel the loss of his skin against mine. My eyes flutter open to find piercing grey eyes staring at me. "Hi." I whisper as his hands lift my shirt so his lips can find my breasts. "Christian, Emma will be up soon." I moan as I feel his tongue circling my nipple that has pebbled under the warmth of his mouth. He ignores my warning that our rambunctious three year old will be interrupting us at any moment and continues to tug at my nipple with his tongue and teeth.

"Mmmm" he groans against my naked flesh before he bites down gently. "Door's locked."

Emma is three now, having just celebrated her birthday earlier this month. The adoption was made official the day before her birthday, and now Emma was officially a Grey. The next day we had a huge party, making this particular birthday being extra special. I will say, Christian and I went completely overboard.

"Which means she'll knock until we open." I tell him.

Being three has given her some basic understanding of what mommy and daddy's closed door means, but it also taught her how to incessantly knock on it until we opened. There had only been one or two accidents of her opening the door when she "didn't hear us" but for the most part she had been pretty obedient of the rules.

Christian peppers kisses down my body, his tongue darting out to lick the skin at each stop. He stops at my stomach, pressing kisses all over it and I smile when I hear his voice. "Little one." He presses a kiss just above my navel and I giggle at the ticklish feeling moving through me. "I can't wait to meet you." He continues to speak to our unborn child just as he does every morning. I'm about six weeks along, meaning we more than likely conceived on our honeymoon. We hadn't told anyone yet and not because I wanted to wait until I was out of the first trimester, but because we hadn't told the most important person in our lives that soon she would be a big sister. _And that needed to be done before we told anyone else._

"Are we going to tell her today?" I ask as I feel him move lower down my body. I grab his face knowing what his intentions are and bring him back up my body.

"Hey." He pouts.

"Can you focus?"

"I was trying to focus on… other things." He growls and I feel his hands separating my legs and making their way into my underwear. I feel him drag a digit through my folds. I shiver, despite the body heat that's radiating off of him and I instinctively part my legs allowing him access to my most intimate place.

He drags my underwear down my legs and in an instant his mouth is there, taking me to new heights as I writhe beneath him. "Christian!" I moan out as his tongue flicks my clit in rapid successions, my insides quivering with need for him. My hands find his hair and I pull hard as I grind my face against him. I am so close to the edge I can almost taste it when I hear three tiny knocks on our bedroom door.

"Mommy." I hear her say timidly and it makes me wonder if something is wrong because usually she's much more loud and boisterous when she knocks as she alerts her presence.

Christian pulls his mouth away from my folds slowly before placing a kiss on my thigh. "What's wrong, Emma?" He looks towards the door as he waits for her to speak.

"I want Mommyyyy." She whines before I hear her trying to twist the doorknob.

Christian rolls his eyes before kissing my thigh one more time. "I'm not done with you."

"Promise?" I wink before I slide my sweatpants on over my naked bottom. I can feel the wetness from his assault between my thighs and it's taking everything out of me not to finish myself off in the bathroom and clean up. But I'm stopped when he opens the door and Emma sprints past him and climbs into bed and clings to me immediately.

"Mommy" she whispers as she wraps her arms around me and squeezes.

"What's wrong, pumpkin?"

"I had a bad dream." She whispers as her thumb finds her mouth which she still does from time to time when she's in need of comfort.

"Aww, princess. I'm sorry, but it's okay now. You're safe with me and Daddy." I whisper as I lay down with her cuddled against me.

"Hey, Emma." Christian says as he sits in front of us. "Do you want to hear something good?"

She shakes her head and sits up before she lets her thumb fall from her mouth. "What Daddy?"

I sit up knowing that he's ready to tell Emma our little secret. "Mommy… has a baby in her tummy." He whispers.

"A baby?" Her eyes widen and looks at my stomach.

"That's right, Princess. You're going to be a big sister!" I tell her.

"A big sisser? Me!?"

"Yes!"

"When?"

"In about seven months."

"No, now!" She says as she moves closer to me and lowers her mouth to my stomach. _Like father like daughter._ "Hey come out, I want to play."

I giggle hearing her excitement and breathe a sigh of relief that she's taking this well. "Soon, you will be able to play."

"Girl? Like Emma?"

"We don't know yet pumpkin."

"Girl!"

"Okay we'll see what we can do." I giggle.

"Oh God, three girls." Christian groans as he falls back on the bed and Emma squeals before she tackles him, giving him kisses all over his face.

* * *

 **CPOV**

 _ **Four Years Later…**_

 _ **Emma: 7 Years Old**_

I watch her slowly lower herself to her knees in front of the gravestones, her pink NorthFace windbreaker pulled over her head as it began to drizzle slightly. This is the first time that she's been here that I think she's actually been able to grasp what she's seeing. She's been in a solemn mood all morning and I caught the tears quickly moving down her cheeks the second we arrived at the cemetery before she wiped them away. I look down at Ana and watch the tears move down her cheeks as we watch Emma touch Alli's gravestone followed by Michael's which is right next to it. We take a few steps closer when we see her shoulders start to move up and down and her voice surrounds us.

"I scored the winning goal yesterday at my soccer game. Dad says I'm a natural… well… my other dad…" She sniffles and wipes her nose on her sleeve. "I hope it doesn't hurt you guys' feelings that I call them mom and dad... they talk about you all the time. How great you were… how much you loved me…"

I hope she knows that they aren't mad at her at all. _We'll have to talk to her about that._ I look at Ana and I think she's having the same thoughts.

She continues, "I know I don't… know you guys very well but… I love you so much and I miss you…" her voice breaks slightly and I resist the urge to scoop my little princess into my arms and will her pain away but I know she needs this time.

"I didn't think it was possible to miss you as much as I do. But I miss you and I wish you were here." She sniffles again. "I wish you didn't die." She's silent for several moments and I wonder if she's done before she begins to speak again. "But thank you for… leaving me with two of the greatest people in the world. I love them so much… even though they brought another little princess into the castle." She turns around and glares at us but then gives us a smile. "Don't worry, Pheebs knows the deal. I'm in charge."

Ana giggles next to me and I shake my head thinking about Emma's bossy behavior when it comes to her little sister. She loves her dearly and was over the moon when we brought her home from the hospital. But as the weeks went on and Emma realized that she had to share Mommy and Daddy's attention with Phoebe she slowly reverted back to wanting to be the only child again. And although she's grown out of it over the years, it still comes out from time to time.

"Thank you for leaving me with people that loved me and wanted me and never treated me like I wasn't _their_ child. Thank you for making sure that I would be loved even after you were gone. You were the greatest parents ever." She stands, leaving the white flowers we had brought on both of the graves before turning and moving back to us. Her eyes are red and glassy and she's barely taken two steps before Ana pulls her into her arms and squeezes her. I wrap my arms around them both as the rain falls lightly around us and I can't help but wonder if these are the tears of Michael and Alli.

* * *

 _ **Six Years Later…**_

 _ **Emma: 13 Years Old**_

I hear a scream that I swear could be heard around the world before I see a mass of blonde hair running by me and running down the stairs. Curious as to why Emma is flying through the house like a crazy person I jog down the stairs to find her frantically going in and out of every room on the main floor.

"Where's the fire?"

"Where's mom?" She asks, her eyes wide with what appears to be fear.

"She had to go to the restaurant, she'll be right back, what's wrong?" Ana's bakery transformed into a cafe about four years ago, and due to how big it has gotten we are now in the early stages of turning it into a full blown restaurant.

"Okay, well I have to call her. I need her here." She says as she moves towards the kitchen to find our house phone. Emma does have a cell phone, but she is only allowed to use it when she's not with Ana or myself. We didn't want her becoming one of those teenagers that we couldn't get off the phone- at least not at thirteen.

"She'll be back, what's wrong?"

She blushes bright red and I can't ignore how much she looks like Alli in this moment. I look across the room to see my ten year old daughter Phoebe on the couch watching television. She hears the commotion and peeks her head over the couch, probably trying to hide the fact that she's not supposed to be watching television before her homework is done.

"Is your homework done, young lady?" I ask her.

"Dad it's like five o' clock! I was just taking a little break."

I look at my watch. "How long have you been taking this break?"

She gives me an innocent smile that I swear is an exact replica of Anastasia Grey and turns the television off. She moves across the room and stands on her tippy toes trying to give me a kiss and I give her a look before I lower my face down for her to kiss my cheek. "Ten more minutes and then do your homework." _I am such a sucker._

"Thank you daaaaddyyyy, I love you!" She giggles before turning to her sister who hasn't stopped pacing since we got into the kitchen.

"Emmy what's wrong?" When Phoebe was younger, she called her Emmy versus Emma, so that's always been her nickname for her.

"Nothing. I just really want to talk to mom." She says, the tears welling up in her eyes and I wonder what could have her so upset.

Phoebe and Emma have gotten very close over the years, to the point that you would have no idea that they weren't biologically related. Phoebe moves around the island and wraps her big sister in a hug. "Don't cry, Emmy, what's wrong? Daddy will fix it."

"It's just… a girl… thing…" she says slowly and my eyes widen understanding perfectly what she means.

Phoebe looks up at her big sister and then at me. "I'll go get my Barbies!" She takes off through the kitchen and I hear her running up the stairs.

I look at my oldest daughter as she shakes nervously and I cock my head to the side. "Emma did you… I mean are you having…." I trail off and she nods.

"What do I do? I don't know how to insert… a tampon! And my guess is you don't either so it's not like you can walk me through it." She says with an eye roll.

"Eyes young lady." I warn her. "Come, I have something for you."

"Is it mom?!" She asks as we move up the stairs and I resist the urge to laugh. Anastasia is the glue to holding this family together. There isn't a day that goes by that myself or any three of our children don't need her. _Speaking of which where the heck is my rambunctious five year old?_ I make a note to stop in my son's bedroom to see if I can pry him off of his iPad.

We make our way into the guest room bathroom and I find what I'm looking for. It's a large box, that I've been advised not to open. I leave it with her before placing a small kiss on her forehead. "Your mom is sorry she isn't here, but she made this for you in case this happened and she wasn't here. Now I'm going to go call her and I'm sure she'll be here in a blink, but to get you started for now…" I trail off. "Congratulations, princess."

I sit outside of the guest room door waiting for Emma to come out when Phoebe comes out of her room, with a pink boa tied around her neck and a tiara perched on her head. "Where's Emmy? I got Barbie's jacuzzi out too."

"What did mommy say about Barbie's jacuzzi?"

"I don't remember." She says, trying to look innocent leading me to believe that she actually does remember what Ana said after the last time, she damn near flooded her bedroom with the water.

"Really? Do I have to take it from you until you do?" I ask her, raising an eyebrow and she pouts.

"Only in the bathroom."

"Go move it."

"But, Dad…" she whines.

"Now, Phoebe Allison."

She huffs before moving towards her bedroom just as Emma emerges from the guest room, a small smile on her lips and tears in her eyes.

"You all good?" I ask as I stand up and pull her into a hug.

She nods against my chest. "She's the best."

"What was in there?"

"Girl stuff Dad… but she wrote me a note. She told me how proud she was of me… and that Alli would be too…" she looks up at me with tears in her eyes before burrowing her face back into my chest. I'll never forget the first time we heard Emma refer to them by their first names. I think it shocked her as much as it shocked us and then she broke down in a fit of sobs and asked us if she was a bad person. We held her and assured her that in no way was she a bad person. Emma was so young, she's only ever known us as Mommy and Daddy. _Blood isn't always thicker than water._

* * *

 _ **Three Years Later…**_

 _ **Emma: 16 Years Old**_

I hear the jingle of the keys in the door and it slightly open as I see my very late daughter sneak through the front door. Ana raises an eyebrow at me before we both stand up and turn the light on in the den just off the foyer. "Emerson Grace Grey, do you know what time it is?" My wife says, her hands on her hips and looking so angry that steam very well may come out of her ears. _God she looks so sexy. Christian, focus!_

"Mom… Dad…." she says looking side to side nervously. "I'm so sorry, I-"

"Emerson, it's an hour past your curfew, have you lost your mind?" I ask, as we take a step towards her.

"Where have you been? And why didn't you call if you were going to be late!"

"I was at Mel's and I-" she hiccups and I immediately recognize the signs.

Ana looks at me and we both move closer to her and she backs up a few steps. "Stop moving." I tell her and I think in that moment she decides now is the time to stop breathing if she's going to be this close to us. _You are so caught young lady._

Ana stands right next to her and cups Emma's jaw effectively opening her mouth. "Emerson Grace Grey." She whispers. "Have you been… drinking?"

"Nnn-oo-" She says, shaking her head back and forth.

"Don't lie to us Emerson."

"I…" she hiccups and Ana lets her jaw go, the tears forming in her eyes.

"You are sixteen years old, where in the world are you getting alcohol from!?"

"Mom…"

"How did you even get here!? Where is your car?"

"It's… still at Mel's. I walked…"

"At this hour?" I was upset when she showed up late, angry learning that she was drinking but now to know that my sixteen year old was out walking by herself at one o'clock in the morning, I. AM. FURIOUS.

"Mel lives one block over… Dad…"

"I don't care if she lives one house over! What were you thinking?"

"That we live in a good neighborhood?"

"Do NOT start with your smart mouth, Emerson."

"Dad, it's not that far, I'm fine. I walk here all the time."

"In daylight! You knew I wouldn't want you walking. You're drinking, staying out past curfew, and God knows what else. Emma what is going on with you!?" I ask her

"I stayed out late ONE time! While I was at my best friend's house... If I would have called and said I was sleeping over, you wouldn't have cared. I'm sorry!"

"Yes we would have cared as we are aware that Melissa's parents are out of town. Emerson, you are grounded, give me your phone." Ana points at the stairs and shakes her head.

She looks at my wife as if she's grown a third head. "No way, for what?"

"I'm sorry, I don't remember your mother asking you. Give it to her." I demand.

"That's so unfair!"

"Unfair! Emerson you are SIXTEEN!" Ana yells. "Do you want to know what's not fair? You getting in trouble with the cops for underraged drinking. OR something happening to a young girl when they walk by themselves late at night. You know better than that!"

I feel my heart break slightly as I watch Emma's blue eyes glaze over, and the tears form in her eyes. "I'm… sorry. I know it wasn't smart, I just knew I shouldn't be driving if I had been drinking. That counts for something… right?"

I raise my eyebrow at her. "Yes, but don't push your luck. You should have called me."

"You're right, I'm sorry." Emma says as she slowly tries to slip away from us. I stand in front of the steps blocking her exit and hold my hand out.

"Nice try, your phone, young lady."

"Dad…"

"Now."

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I'm not giving you my phone, that's a total invasion of my privacy."

I cross my hands over my chest and stare at her. "I'm sorry, I didn't realize we'd given you any inclination that you had any privacy to begin with in this house. And while we're at it, it's MY phone given that I pay the bill, I just let you borrow it."

She rolls her eyes before pulling her phone out and handing it to me. "Don't text my friends."

"Please, Emerson." I wave her off before sliding her phone into my pocket. She stomps up the stairs and I turn to Ana.

"That's your child." I tell her.

"Oh she's my child today? Last week when she aced her Calculus test, she was yours."

"Well… you do suck at math, baby. I stayed up with her studying."

"Fuck off!" She says as we move into the kitchen.

"Do we buy what she's selling?" I ask her, half thinking that the _I was at my best friends house_ was bullshit.

"What do you mean?" Ana asks as she leans against the counter.

"I mean… do you buy that she was just at Mel's?"

"I mean, Jack and Katherine aren't home… it's possible?" She says referring to Melissa's parents.

I take a deep breath before I say my biggest fear. "I think… I mean… is it possible that a boy is somehow involved?"

Ana's eyes widen as I don't think that the thought had even crossed her mind. "A boy!?"

"Yes, Anastasia…. You know younger versions of humans like me? That can get our baby into trouble!"

She begins to pace the length of the kitchen. "Well… she has never been late before. And the drinking thing… that's new."

"Maybe she was just experimenting with Melissa?"

"I don't want her experimenting at sixteen, Christian."

"Well no shit me either, but what are we going to do? Keep her locked up in the house? Do you know how hard it is to keep teenagers out of trouble? Even ones that are overly-involved like Emma?"

"Let's circle back to thinking Emma has a boyfriend. Didn't we tell her no dating till she was seventeen?"

"I didn't agree to that shit." I grumble as I think about how I voted for twenty- five but somehow Ana and Emma and somehow Phoebe got me down to seventeen. She gives me a look before taking a few steps towards me. I back up and shake my head. "No don't try and cuddle up to me now, you should have been on my side with twenty-five." I shoot her a look and she pouts before wrapping her arms around me despite my stance.

"Don't be mad." She whispers as she rubs herself against me. "She's a good kid. She's got a good head on her shoulders this was just… a lapse in judgment. This time next year she'll be ready. But if we send her off to college having never had any experiences with boys well…" she winces. "I just want to be close if she needs me, Christian." Emma is top of her class, with impeccable grades and extracurricular activities coming out of her ass. She's taking three college courses, and her SAT scores are stellar. A few schools have already started sniffing around, all of which are on the east coast much to both Ana and my disappointment. Regardless, in two years Emma would be off at school and not under our roof where we can keep an eye on her.

As much as I hate to admit it, Ana is right, the idea of sending her off on her own, somewhat naive of the ways of the dating world could be a disaster. "But she's not seventeen. She's sixteen, and a sophomore in high school. It's too soon." I tell her as I sit at the kitchen table and pull Ana into my lap. "Should we?" I ask as I pull her bedazzled iPhone out of my pocket.

Ana looks at the phone in front of me and shakes her head. "Let me talk to her tomorrow first, okay? She's always been honest with us…" she trails off. "One chance to tell us everything, if I think she's lying, we go in."

* * *

 _ **One year later**_

 _ **Emma: 17 Years Old**_

I walk into the living room with my nine year old son Teddy in tow, to find Emma's head resting in Ana's lap and Phoebe sitting on the other end of the couch, all three of them engrossed in an old episode of _Golden Girls_. _Well Phoebe is engrossed._ Emma is staring off into space as Ana strokes her hair.

"God, you're still like that? Em, give it a rest, the guy was a douche." Teddy says as he rolls his eyes and heads for the kitchen.

"Language, Theodore Michael!" I yell after him before I move through the living room and sit on the coffee table that's in front of the couch. "Hi Princess." I smile at my daughter, and give her a kiss on her tear stained cheek. "I got you something."

"A hitman?" She asks and I can't help but chuckle. _Trust me, I thought about it._ When Emma came home in tears yesterday after the boy she thought she loved broke her heart, I saw red. I wanted to break the boy in half that had the audacity to hurt my little baby. Emma had been dating this asshole kid for the past six months, and from what she told Ana, he was also dating another girl at a different school. _Evidently, he liked this other girl better._

I hand her the pink roses that were in my hand as well as her favorite chocolate before kissing her nose. "He's not worth your tears, sweetheart."

"I loved him. I thought…" she whispers and Ana looks at me, the pain etched all over her face as if she can feel what Emma is going through herself.

"He sucked, and he was short." I hear from the other side of the room as Phoebe sits up and moves closer to us. "You were too good for him, Emmy."

"If I was too good for him, he wouldn't be with that raggedy girl from across town. He'd be with me."

"Don't say _suck_." Ana looks at Phoebe before turning back to Emma. "Sweetheart I know it hurts but, I promise it will get better. And one day, when you're madly in love, you'll look back on this day and laugh. You'll meet a guy that loves and adores you and that will be your happily ever after. This stupid kid won't matter in the grand scheme of things."

"Or you'll meet one and we'll hate each other on sight." Emma says looking at me before looking up at her mom with a smirk.

"Your father and I never hated each other." Ana giggles. We've been very open with our kids about how we started. The entire story, Alli and Michael, our rocky start and how Emerson brought us together.

"And I didn't hate your mother on sight, I was drawn to her on sight. It was when she started talking…" I trail off and Ana smacks my shoulder.

"Go check on Teddy. You're not helping."

I chuckle before pressing another kiss to Emma's forehead and leaving the girls to it. After Phoebe was born I was severely outnumbered and I basically begged Ana to try for another baby in hopes of getting a boy. And while we did try for a few years, it didn't happen again for a while. I was thrilled the day the doctor told us it was a boy- Theodore Michael. _Our family was perfect. Although, I wouldn't mind a fourth_.

* * *

I'm walking by Emma's room that night after setting the alarm and checking on Phoebe when I hear her call out to me through her open door.

"Dad?"

I peek my head in her door and see her sitting up in bed, the tissues strewn all over her comforter. "What's up, honey? How are you feeling?"

"Like shit."

"Language."

She looks up at me as the tears form in her eyes. "Dad, am I ugly?"

"What? No, sweetheart. You're beautiful." _I could literally ring that fuckers neck for making her think that._ "Did he say that? I will kill him." I tell her as I sit next to her on her bed and wrap an arm around her.

"No I just… that girl from the other school? She's not raggedy. I just saw a picture. She's gorgeous."

"You're gorgeous, Emma." _And she was, truly._ She was the spitting image of Alli, blonde, silky waves and bright blue eyes. Tiny freckles were scattered all over cheeks and a tiny button nose. I've had to put a few men in their place when we've been out who've had the nerve to eye my underraged daughter. _She was far from ugly._

"You have to say that." She sighs. "Now Phoebe… she's gorgeous. I wish I had her and mom's cheekbones." She shakes her head. "I don't have any of mom's features."

"You are perfect, Emma. You have perfect cheekbones. And while you don't have any of your mother's physical attributes you have the most important thing of hers." She looks up at me curiously. "You have her heart. Her drive and ambition, her odd sense of humor." I roll my eyes thinking about how I never understand their inside jokes. "You are the best parts of Anastasia Grey, Emerson. And don't you ever forget that."

She nods slowly before putting her head on my shoulder. "Will I ever love again?"

"You never forget your first love, that I will say. But I can promise he won't be your last."

She looks up at me and gives me a kiss on my cheek. "Thanks, Dad."

"Anytime, Princess." I look her over before I pull her to her feet. "How about you and me and Teddy challenge your mom and Phoebe to _Pictionary_?"

"Now Dad… you know that's not fair." She says to me knowing that despite Ana's bragging, me and Emma are unbeatable which is why we get the dead weight in Teddy.

"I know, but I'm in the mood to win tonight." I chuckle as we head out of her bedroom.

* * *

 _ **One Year Later**_

 _ **Emma: 18 Years Old**_

"Can you stop crying, you big baby!" Emma says as she puts down another box in the empty dorm room in New Haven, Connecticut. Emma was entering her first year at Yale and I was scared shitless for my baby to be across the country. I wipe the tears from my eyes once again.

"Yeah come on dad, you do still have me, what do you care if she's gone? You've still got your favorite." Phoebe jokes as she hops on Emma's unmade bed.

"Yeah right!" Emma stomps. "I'm totally the favorite."

"Yeah okay, ten years ago, Dad practically got down on his knees and kissed the ground when he found out mom was pregnant with me." Teddy says as he walks in her dorm room with my wife in tow.

"Okay enough, we don't have favorites!" Ana says as she stares at her children although I know it's a lie. _Neither of us will admit it, but we definitely have a soft spot for Emma. Maybe she's not the favorite but we share a different bond with her that can't be said for my other two children. Maybe because she brought me and Ana together? Maybe because she made our family? Maybe it was the tragedy that we endured._

"I can't believe you're not coming home with us." Phoebe says as she hugs her sister. "I'm going to miss you so much. What am I supposed to do with these three without you?"

"Keep them in line for me." Emma jokes, shooting us a smile.

"Call me everyday." Phoebe says.

"Pheebs, you're fifteen, I'm lucky if you even return my texts within twenty four hours and now you want me to call you?"

"It's different now, you're not down the hall!"

"I'll miss you too Pheebs." She says hugging her tightly. She opens her arms and looks at her little brother. "Get in here, dork."

The three of them share a hug when I hear a snap of a photo causing Teddy to groan. "The one time, I hug these two, I get caught! Mom, delete that."

"No way, I love when you three are like this. I had to take a picture to commemorate the occasion."

"If you show that to anyone, I'll deny it was me." Teddy says as he pulls out his Nintendo Switch.

Ana, Phoebe and Teddy went down to the car to get the last few things leaving me alone with Emma.

"You nervous?"

"No."

"Don't lie to me." I smile and she smiles back.

"A little."

"Everything is going to be fine. College is… the best time of your life."

" _You're_ saying this? Really? I thought you'd be all… study, study, study. No partying."

"Well of course I want you to do that. Keep your grades up, go to your classes… but you've got a good head on your shoulders, I don't need to tell you that. You're here four years, Em, but the time goes by" I snap my fingers. "Like that. The work never ends… but college does."

She smiles and shakes her head. "Mom will kill you for saying that."

"Just be smart, okay Em? And know that we are just a phone call away."

"You're across the country." She whispers and I shake my head.

"We are just a phone call away."

* * *

 _ **Seven Years Later**_

 _ **Emma: 25 Years Old**_

"I'm nervous." Emma whispers as she watches Phoebe, her maid of honor walk down the aisle.

"Don't be." Ana says from the other side of Emma. Despite tradition, Emma wanted Ana and I both to walk her down the aisle on the day of her wedding. She said she wouldn't have it any other way as she got to stand at the altar with us when we got married.

"Yes seriously, Ryan is a good kid." I tell her as I think about my soon to be son-in-law. Ryan and Emma met their freshman year of college and have been inseparable ever since. Ryan lived across the hall from Emma and I swear those two almost put me in an early grave. I never wanted to know about my daughter having sex and yet, Thanksgiving break her sophomore year I got first hand experience of it when he came home with her. I swear Ana basically had to sedate me.

"I'm not making a mistake… you guys would tell me, right?"

"Emma, baby… you love Ryan… and he loves you. You're just having some nervous jitters." Ana says

"You're right." She takes a breath. "I love him… and this is the best decision I've ever made. Alright you two, let's do this."

There wasn't a dry eye in the house as Ana and I walked Emma down the aisle, and I swear half of the crowd broke into full on sobs when we kissed each side of her cheek, reminiscent of when Ana and I did it all those years ago. Ana's hand found mine the second we sat down as we watched our baby marry the love of her life.

"I can't believe she's married." Ana says as we walk up the aisle after the ceremony.

"Me either."

"Michael and Alli would be so proud of her."

"Yeah they would." I nod before I press a kiss to her temple.

* * *

I raise my glass of champagne as I begin my speech at the reception, praying that I get through it without crying. "Ladies and gentlemen, on behalf of my wife and myself I'd like to thank you all for being here today to celebrate Emerson and Ryan." I shake my head at them. "I held Emma the day she was born…. When she was just an hour old." I pause. "You were asleep for most of the time, but before I passed you to Ana, your eyes opened for a brief second. Our eyes locked and it was like time stood still. I knew from that moment on, that I would do anything in this world to protect you, to look out for you." I clear my throat. "Michael and Alli didn't ask me to be your Godfather until the day you were born. Ana had known for months… but I guess they were on the fence about me." I chuckle. "I was something else back then. Later, Michael told me, my reaction to you sealed it for me." _I was reluctant to bring up Michael and Alli at the wedding but Emma was set on finding a way to honor them, so there was a small "In Memoriam" for them with pictures of them with Emma set up in the corner of the room._ "I've loved you every minute of the past twenty- five years, Emma. And now here I am… giving you to another man. It's hard not being number one anymore, you know?" I pause as the crowd laughs. "But in all seriousness, Ryan, take care of my Princess. Emma, I am so proud to be your father. I wish you and Ryan nothing but all of the joy and happiness in the world. To the bride and groom!"

* * *

It's been an exhausting day with Emma's wedding when Ana and I drop into the hotel bed like logs. "Was our wedding this exhausting?" Ana asks as she snuggles up to me and her head finds her normal space right over my heart.

"No, the day after our wedding was exhausting." I say as I recall not having sex for almost twenty four hours and the series of unfortunate events surrounding the day.

"Yeah, Emma would not go to bed." Ana rolls her eyes.

"Should we go do the same to her? We know what room they're in."

"She'd kill us!" Ana laughs.

I shrug. "Karma's a bitch."

She laughs before climbing on top of me and placing her hands on my chest. "I have a much better idea of something we could do."

My eyes widen and my dick hardens as my wife who still looks as sexy as the day we married sits on top of me and begins to rock against my cock. "Oh? And what's that Mrs. Grey?"

She bites her bottom lip and my cock throbs in response. "I want you to do to me what you wanted to do to me the first time we met."

"Is that right, _Steele?_ Who said I wanted you at all?"

"Oh please." She giggles as she runs her mouth along my neck. "You've been looking at me the same way for twenty-three years, Grey."

"Have I now." I tell her as I flip her to be underneath me.

"Mmmhm" she looks up at me the tears in her eyes. "Do you think… I mean… would we never have gotten here if Michael and Alli were still alive?"

"Well…" I start thinking about how differently the last twenty-three years of my life would have been. "We wouldn't have Emma… the way we do now."

"That's what I mean… and if we didn't have her, you and I may never have gotten here."

"We would have gotten here eventually." I rub my nose against hers as I try to push these thoughts out of her head. "I've been staring at you the same way since the moment I met you, remember?" I press my lips to hers gently. "I've loved every second of our life together… I may not love the way I got it, but you and Emma and Phoebe and Teddy are my entire world." I kiss her again. "I love you so much for giving me a family. You gave me people to love so much. What would I do without you, Steele."

She shrugs and I wrap my arms around her. "I love you." She whispers. "Thank you for making something out of the biggest tragedy of my life."

* * *

 _ **Nine Months Later…**_

 **APOV**

 _There are moments in your life that you never forget. This was yet another one of them._

I find myself sprinting across the familiar parking lot and I'm reverted back to the two other times I've done this. This time however, I have Christian, Phoebe and Teddy running alongside me as we rush through the doors of the hospital where my baby… is having a baby.

"EMERSON GRACE GREY" my husband screams as soon as we get to the counter.

"West." I correct him, using her married name. "Emerson West? She was admitted about an hour ago."

"It's my daughter! And she's having a baby… now!" Christian yells and I put my hand on his arm in the attempt to calm him down.

We got the call a half an hour ago that Emma was in labor and that the baby was coming… fast. We had barely gotten off the phone before we were in the car, rushing to the hospital.

We are ushered into a waiting area when Ryan comes out of the room, his eyes wide as he points at me. "Come, come.. She's…. She hates me."

"No, don't say that, she loves you! It just hurts like a bitch." I wince as I follow my son-in-law down the hallway to find my daughter looking like she's ready to hurt someone.

"THIS SUCKS!" She screams as soon as I walk in the door. I have on my hospital gown and cap to cover my hair and I move towards her. "You did not tell me it would hurt this much. NO one told me it would hurt this much."

"I… think I told you it hurt a little." I blanch as I remember just how painful childbirth was.

"This is bullshit, I'm out of here." She reaches for me in attempts to try and stand and I lay her back down.

"Baby breathe, did they give you an epidural?"

"NO! I was too far along when I got here." She cries.

"The hell? Did you wait till the baby was crowning to come in?" I glare at Ryan wondering why they took so long to get to the hospital.

"No! I… OWWWW. Fuck!" She looks at me. "And don't you dare yell at me for my language."

"Mrs. West, it's time to push again."

"What, again? I'm tired… Mom do it for me." She whines. "Just like my third grade science project."

"We swore we'd take that to the grave!" I tell her as I smack my forehead. "Don't let your father hear that."

I hold her hand as she begins to push, and through the screams and cries of my daughter I begin to hear the screams and cries of a smaller human. I watch as the doctor pulls my grandson out and the tears flood my eyes immediately. "Oh my God!" I cry. I pull Emma into my arms and kiss her forehead. "You did it Emma!" I pull away to get a better look at my grandson and I look over to see Ryan kissing my daughter and telling her how proud he is of her before they ask him to cut the cord. They clean the baby off before handing him to her and she looks up at me with tears in her eyes as she holds her newborn baby.

"Oh my God, I have a baby."

"You have a baby." I say, the tears streaming down my cheeks. I look at the precious bundle in her arms and for a second it's like I'm looking at Alli with Emma all those years ago. "I am so proud of you."

"Thanks Mom." She holds him out for me to hold and I gently cradle him to my chest before I press a kiss to his nose.

"What a handsome boy!" I hand him back to her after a few moments, knowing that she may need to nurse soon. "What's his name?" I ask her. She's been keeping the name a secret and we've all been dying to know.

"Well… can you get Dad, Pheebs and Teddy, please!"

Five minutes later, we are all congregated in her room under the promise that we would be out in a few minutes. "Mom, Dad, Ted, Pheebs… I'd like you to meet Christian Michael West." She smiles and I swear you can hear a pin drop as we all freeze hearing the baby's name. I look at my husband who is fighting the tears in his eyes.

"Me…?" He says softly and I know he's seconds away from losing it.

"You, Dad."

"Em…" he trails off as he moves towards them and presses a kiss to her forehead. "I love you." He says, his voice breaking as he tries to clear the emotion from his voice.

"I love you too, Dad… do you want to hold him?"

He nods before taking our grandson into his arms and cradling him. "He's perfect."

I nod as I look down at the newest edition to our family. "That's a beautiful name, Em."

"I owe you guys everything. _Everything._ Sorry mom" she chuckles. "Ryan said your name was too girly to work into a boy's name." She giggles. "But… I just love you both so much, and I wanted to say thank you. For _everything._ Thank you for giving me the perfect life."

* * *

 **A/N: Well there ya have it! I swear I'm like railing through these stories right now. But I'm just trying to free up space for NEW ones! Hehe (maybe). Thank you so much to everyone that followed/favorited/reviewed this one. It was totally fun to write! I should do more with kids, I think? Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this final chapter! Thanks for the love!**

 **Xo,**

 **QB**

 **PS… THAT TRAILER!**


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